In the Counsel of Friends

In the Counsel of Friends

by Nelson

Author's Notes: Special thanks to Alex for helping me to develop this story.

I was lying in the dark, listening for Vic's breathing pattern to tell me he was drifting off. We had only been together as a couple for about two months, but that was long enough for me to learn his "sounds", if you know what I mean. I wanted him almost asleep - asleep enough not to be fully conscious but not totally lost to dreamland either. I needed him to say "yes", which he would never do if he were awake. I suddenly realized I had waited too long and he was gone, out like a light. Definite beginnings of REM.

"Vic?" I said softly. I still didn't want to wake him all the way up, but I needed him alert enough to get an answer, just not a fully thought-out one.

Vic woke up enough to mumble a "Hmm?" to me.

"Are you asleep?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Um, hmm," he said.

I peeked up at him from where I lay against his shoulder to judge his state. I couldn't see too well in the pitch darkness. We usually left a little nightlight on in the bathroom but the bulb was burned out, so I couldn't see a damn thing. Well, I just hoped for the best and plunged ahead. "Vic? I'm going with Zach to the opening game tomorrow, okay?" I held my breath waiting for the resounding "no". I added tentatively, "It's an afternoon game."

He shifted beneath me and it was his turn to seek me out in the dark. I tried not to look up at him. "What did you say?" he asked, more alert than I cared for.

Shit. "I said, I'm going to the game tomorrow afternoon?"

Without missing a beat or even taking one for thought, he said, "No, you aren't."

All right. This time I wanted to see him, and see him clearly. I leaned over him, grinding my elbow in his chest, to reach the lamp. I heard him grunt under me as the light snapped on. "Why not?!" I demanded, propping on my elbows beside him.

He blinked against the glare. "Benjamin, I'm tired," he said, and it sounded like he was. "And I don't feel like fighting with you right now." He rolled toward the light and clicked it off before he continued. "You have an Econ test in two days and I want you home studying for it tomorrow afternoon."

Like I didn't know that was what he'd say. Fuck. That didn't mean I couldn't try. A guilt trip seemed suitable to the situation. "You just say 'no' without even thinking about it!" I accused. "You don't care about what I might want." There. Guilt trip executed.

There was slight bump in the road on our trip that consisted of Vic reaching his hand down my back to find my butt. I should know better than to lay on my stomach when we disagree. His hand thudded against my backside, which frankly didn't hurt through the sheet. Not that I'm complaining. He said, "That's not true and you know it perfectly well. Now, watch how you talk to me, Benji. It's time to go to sleep."

His use of my nickname over my God-given one was evidence that I had room to push a bit more. "I'm not tired right now," I said, conveniently pushing. Haha. "And, I'm not trying to talk to you wrong either, but you're just unreasonable sometimes. It's not right." I used the most pitiful tone I could muster while I talked. While I knew I was pushing, I tried to soften it a bit by draping my arm across his chest and snuggling close. I liked being close to him anyway so it was a good excuse.

He asked me, "What did I tell you when you first moved in here about school?" Double fuck. He really didn't have to go there. I kept quiet, hoping he'd move on… which he didn't. "What did I say, Ben?"

I exhaled dramatically trying to make an unspoken point, only admitting what we both knew afterward. "That it's important and comes first. But…!"

"Exactly," he rudely interrupted. "Since when did putting your education first become unreasonable?"

Huh? It was clear enough to me, but since he didn't get it, I explained, "Since it got in the way of me going to ONE baseball game." I propped back up on my elbows with them folded across Vic's chest. The nightlight would have helped me out a bit since Vic had no way of seeing the wounded expression I wore so perfectly.

"The answer is 'no'. You can go this weekend, but not tomorrow afternoon," he said resolutely. "This test is important. You need a good grade after your average slipped in Econ."

Damn Econ!! I hated that class and Vic was right. My grades HAD slipped in Econ, but I couldn't see that one game would make or break me there. "But, it's the opening game!! And, I can study tomorrow night!"

"I'd rather not share you with your books," Vic said. He liked me to have my studying out of the way before he came home. Admittedly, it WAS nice to have it done early so it wasn't hanging over me, but still! "Homework time is right after school," he said, yawning. "Tomorrow is an early day for you so you should have it done by the time I get home. We won't have homework as a distraction if you apply yourself."

I knew I could apply myself just as well AFTER the game. "So, because you're selfish, I don't get to go to the ballgame?" I guess he didn't like that and probably considered it smart aleck, because he smacked my butt through the sheet again. I was lucky so far in that it didn't hurt. It was harder than the first and I made a mental note of where I was on the I'm-about-to-get-in-real-trouble-scale. I figured I was at about a seven.

Vic growled, "That's enough." Okay, so maybe it was more like eight. He pulled me back to him and yawned again. "I'm tired. Let's not argue about this tonight. Go to sleep."

He really did sound tired. So much so, I dropped the rating back to a seven. "Can we argue about it in the morning?" I asked.

"Ben," he said in his best warning tone. "Go to sleep." I expelled an annoyed sigh and managed not to push it anymore that night.

********

Pushing the next morning was a different story altogether. Breakfast wasn't looking all that great, and I pushed the slimy eggs around my plate more than I ate them. Vic kept trying to talk to me, and I deflected his verbal advances as best I could with short answers. Not short enough to get in trouble, mind you, just short enough to let him know I didn't want to chitchat.

He finally asked, "You wouldn't happen to be sulking at me this morning, would you?"

Well, yeah. I replied bitterly, "Yes." Another short answer.

"Well, you need to stop it," he answered unappreciatively of my attitude a.k.a. sulking.

I looked up at him, hoping it was clear how unhappy I was. "I want to go to the game. I'm not asking to skip class, my responsibilities here, or anything else," I tried to reason. "Zach and I had plans; I don't see why I can't go."

"Because I said, 'no'." Brilliant. "And, I didn't ask if you were sulking to reopen this can of worms. We aren't arguing about it."

Now, there's a surprise. "'Course not," I muttered.

From the corner of my eye, I saw his fork stop dead in the air on the way to his lips. I more felt than saw his piercing glare directed at me. Thoroughly unappreciated. "Excuse me?" he said.

Well, that was a call to arms. I sort of slammed my fork down, maybe a little harder than I meant to, and said, "Well, we don't get to talk about it anymore because YOU say that's it. I might want to talk about it, but that doesn't matter; not around here."

"Not on this subject it doesn't," Vic said, his brows knitting together, "because there's nothing more to discuss. Unless you have something else to add that doesn't involve me changing my mind…?" Of course, I wanted just that. It was not looking hopeful.

"You SHOULD change your mind! It's one game!" I didn't think I was asking for much, but he refused to move an inch.

"You are to come home and study today," Vic said with finality. "That's the only option."

The only option? It certainly was NOT the only option! "That is NOT fair!" I said. I think I shot him an evil glare. I meant to anyway. He shot me one right back. My stomach jumped just a tad when he glanced toward the clock.

He said, "All right, Benjamin." I barely had a moment to enjoy what I thought was victory before he continued, thoroughly deflating my moment in the sun. "I'll be late if I have to spank you, but if you insist on needing it, I'll just have to be late."

SPANK me?! What the hell?? "What?!" I asked with my mouth open in surprise. I knew I was pushing it, but not THAT far, for heaven's sake!

"You have about two seconds to get your temper in check and drop this subject as well as your attitude," Vic said to me. "You know you need to study, I've said you can't go today, and there's nothing more to discuss."

"There is, too! I want to go, and I can study later tonight or tomorrow," I continued to argue. Vic looked at the clock again, the mere action making me think twice about continuing this losing battle. The last thing I wanted right then was to end up across his lap, so I said in defeat, "Just never mind. I'll come home and study."

"Good idea," he said. There was no need for him to be all sassy about it. He wiped his mouth with his napkin, then settled his dark eyes on me in a no-nonsense sort of way that he has. He was getting ready to lay down the law. I'd seen the look before. The lawyer-slash-judge said, "If I find out you went to that game after I told you not to, you might as well plan on getting a good spanking when I get home." That was just uncalled for. My stomach clenched as though I had already found myself in trouble, and I felt crushed at having the last door closed on my ballgaming plans. It must have showed because he softened. "Listen," he said, "we'll go to a game this weekend, okay?"

Whatever. I wanted to go to the opening game. The OP-EN-ING game! This weekend would be fine, but it was the principle. I propped my head in my palm without answering him, and focused my attention back on the nasty eggs on my plate. I knew with the way I was feeling, saying much of anything would probably come out wrong. Vic graciously tried to change the subject. "Don't forget, I might be late tonight."

"Yeah, right," I said to my plate.

"This client can never come before 5:00. I don't know why he can't come during normal business hours."

I couldn't help it. It came out of my mouth before I had time to notice. "Maybe someone has him doing HOMEwork earlier in the day." I felt a certain sense of satisfaction for all of two seconds.

Vic pushed his chair straight back in a flash and had me by the arm in no time. He started whacking my butt all the way to the corner, keeping time with his words. He has excellent rhythm. He said, "I've had just about enough, Benjamin." Thankfully, it was a short walk to the corner, but my butt stung just the same. He finished with a stern warning that I tried to take to heart. "I'd suggest you stand here quietly before you end up over my knees."

It was all I could do to keep from jerking my arm out of his grasp, but I managed not to do it. I stood as stoically as I could, facing the wall without so much as another word. Well, not another one at full volume anyway. I busied myself by staring holes in the wall, then I spoke quietly into the corner so Vic couldn't hear me, but I HAD to get some things off my chest. "I get sick of STUPID rules from Vic the Almighty. It's NOT fair, at ALL, and I get SICK…" Look, I KNOW I was whispering. I was! I know it like I know my name...which I heard soon enough.

Vic must have heard enough under-my-breath comments because he bellowed like a roaring lion, "Benjamin David!"

"What?!" I snapped at him.

"Not another word!" he barked. I decided to keep my hateful thoughts silent in light of the fact that Vic sounded like he was at the end of his tether just like me. Sigh. After about three or four hours in the corner, he asked, "Are you ready to be civil?"

Guess not. "If YOU are," I said in return.

Vic's voice went ice cold and it felt like it was being poured down my back when he said, "I'll take that as a 'no'."

My breakfast started to churn when I heard him walking toward the paddle drawer, as I call it. It's really meant for tea towels but he keeps the paddle there too. Depends what you're going there for as to what you call it. Does that make sense? If you need a hand towel, it's the towel drawer. If you need a paddle… well, then it's the paddle drawer. See?

Anyway, at that particular moment it was the paddle drawer, and I had to scramble back over the line in the sand I had crossed bravely, or more likely, stupidly. "I'm sorry, Vic," I said with an uneasy glance over my shoulder. I saw him open the drawer and I quickly turned back to the wall hoping that if I didn't see it, it wasn't there. Just in case, I said, "I didn't mean to be nasty." The drawer slid on its tracks as Vic pushed it closed…one of the loudest sounds known to mankind. There are two things louder: the sound of the paddle when it hits bare skin, and the sound of your partner's footsteps when he's coming to use it. Vic wasn't saying a word. I said, "Vic?"

Instead of answering me, he grabbed my arm and promptly invaded my personal space when he thwacked that paddle down against my pitifully thin PJs. Cotton is no match against Vic and that damn paddle. I felt my back arch in self-protection, trying to get my butt out of the way of the assault, but that was about it in that category: Vic had a death grip on my upper arm and I wasn't going anywhere. He paddled me for several strokes and I began to feel the familiar sting in the backs of my eyes, signaling tears were close at hand. He stopped long before I was at the breakdown stage.

He wheeled me around to face him and said, "That's all I have time for unless you insist on making me late. Are you finished, or do I need to call in?" I'm sure he thought I was avoiding the question, but the lump in my throat made it difficult to speak, so I just shook my head. He persisted, "Answer me, Ben."

I felt one traitorous tear slip down my cheek, and I somehow found the strength to look into Vic's hard brown eyes. "I'm done," I said, and my voice cracked against my will. I threw in another, "But, it's not fair," for good measure.

Vic's mouth angled up in a half-smile and a little bit of a twinkle replaced the hardness in his eyes. "I'm going to go with your first answer," he said. He wrapped one arm around me and pulled me close. "I'm not trying to be mean here, Benjamin," he said, but it felt like he was. "We have a rule in place about homework. You know it as well as I do. We don't bend or break the rules we have for reasons as simple as you wanting to go to a ballgame, especially not when you're struggling with a particular class. I told you we'd go this weekend, and that will have to do."

I just couldn't see the logic, no matter how reasonable he tried to make it sound. "I don't know why I have to have stupid Econ anyway. I don't need it for my major," I explained.

"Well, you've got it now, and you're too far into it to drop it. Now, I don't want to hear another complaint about this, understood?"

The end. I heard the warning in his tone so I took a deep breath and leaned hard against him. In my heart I knew he was right, but I still didn't like it. "Okay," I said. "Fine."

I felt his lips press firmly against my head before he released me. "Here," he said, handing me the paddle. "Put this away before I need to use it again. I should have left five minutes ago."

I looked at the outstretched paddle with pure and outright revulsion. I didn't want to touch it any more than I wanted it touching me. He still held it out to me, waiting for me to take it, which I finally did. His forefinger curled under my chin, raising my face for a goodbye kiss. He said, "Be good. I'll see you tonight around 7:00 if my client calls; regular time if he doesn't. I'll let you know."

I returned the kiss and let him hug me again before he left. His strength was something I loved about him. I felt so secure in his arms. But then that strength was unmoving when we disagreed and that was the problem this particular day. He let me go and went out the back door, snagging his keys from the keyholder on his way out to the garage.

I still held the paddle in my hands and I looked at it with vehemence. I hated that thing. My butt was still feeling the leftover prickly sting from it. Since Vic wasn't around to see it, I rubbed a particularly tender spot on the way to the paddle drawer. I think the canisters rattled when I slammed the drawer shut, hiding the damn thing back in its hole.

***********

Right now, I want you to chase all thoughts of "he must be crazy" and "what on EARTH was he thinking" right out of your minds. I went to the game. I saw no reason why I shouldn't, so I went, hoping that Vic might never find out. After it was done, I started to worry. I was driving and I pulled into Zach's driveway to drop him off.

"THAT was a good game," Zach said with a grin. How could he be so chipper when his friend was about to go to his death? Though in all fairness to him, I hadn't told him yet. "Thanks for driving," he said.

"No problem," I said. "I figured I'd offer since I wasn't planning on drinking anyway." No need to make things any worse than they already could be.

"Yeah, what's with that? I can't believe you didn't have even one beer, loser," Zach said smiling at me.

"Ha. Ha," I retorted. For some reason, I felt a need for cleansing, and I had a sudden revelation that Zach was the perfect priest to talk to. He would understand. I started to tell my secret, even if I did so sort of… secretively? "I didn't want to push my luck and go home with beer breath. I already might have sort of a problem…"

"What problem is that? You're an alcoholic?" Always the comedian. I'm not sure if I've ever seen him serious. I frowned at him, but he didn't get it.

I said, "Yeah, you guessed it."

Zach laughed at me and opened the door, not at all concerned with my problem. "See ya," he said. He was about to close it when I called to him from the driver's seat. "What?" he asked, turning his cap around backward, and leaning into the car.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" I asked, not sure of how to broach the subject. I just wasn't ready to go home, so I thought I could hide out a bit with Zach.

"Nope. Just hanging out with Nelson." Zach looked expectantly through the door at me, and folded his arm over the roof of the car for support.

"Well, do you think…" I stammered. I hated that I was bumbling, but I couldn't get the words out in a fluid sentence. "I mean, could I…"

"What?" Zach prompted.

"Hell. Is it okay if I hang out for a while?" There. I finally got it out.

Zach shrugged and said, "Fine by me. Come on in."

I was thrilled at the invitation, and hoped I could do some soul cleansing with my friend. He picks at me more than I care for, but I always know he's there for me. He would understand if anyone would. It just meant I had to figure out how to tell him. I mutely followed him onto the porch, and was wrapped up in my thoughts when he asked while unlocking the door, "What's going on? Any particular reason you don't want to go home?"

So my jokester of a friend was a bit on the intuitive side, oddly enough. I felt my face start to burn at the question, and couldn't meet Zach's eyes as he looked at me over his shoulder. I said, "Oh, it's nothing really."

Zach swung the door open and I trailed him inside. "You can't fool me," Zach said, tossing his keys to the hall table. "Come on. I have to put the meat in the oven." I was starting to second-guess both going to the game and deciding to spend more time with Zach. As much as I thought I wanted to talk about it, it wasn't going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination. He continued to press for answers as we went into the kitchen. "Are you in some kind of trouble or something? If you are, you're going to be in deeper for not telling me."

"I SHOULDN'T be…and, I don't have to tell you everything," I said. No one exactly relishes chatting about trouble, you know. Zach didn't care apparently.

"What's wrong?" Zach pushed.

How to tell him… I didn't know. "Nothing's wrong…yet…" I said, vaguely. I had taken a seat at the kitchen table and found myself straightening the stack of mail there for a distraction. Without looking at Zach, I just started to talk. Little bits of info at a time. That was the ticket. "I just…I have a small confession to make…" Tiptoeing baby steps.

Zach came off as though oblivious, but his questions told me he wasn't. Maybe he was acting that way to make me more comfortable. Who knows? He opened the refrigerator door and asked the cold confines, "Confession? To me or to Vic?" Zach straightened up from the refrigerator, looking at me curiously. "What did you do?" he asked.

I was really starting to get worried by this point, just talking about it making it all that more real. I looked up from the mail and turned to Zach. Damn the baby steps! I decided to just lay it all on the table, and hope Zach would make me feel better. "Well, Vic sort of told me not to go to the game," I said in a rush. I looked at him quickly, then had to look away when I saw his expression.

Zach's mouth was slack and his eyes were wide. He said, "Then, WHY did you go?" So much for making me feel better.

I slammed the envelopes down on the table in frustration and said, "Because he was being UNREASONABLE. He wanted me to go straight home and study for Econ. I've BEEN studying. I just needed some time off. To relax and have FUN."

I could tell by Zach's face he was unconvinced. He grabbed something from the refrigerator, and shook his head while he closed the door. "It doesn't work that way. You should know that by now, and if you don't, you'd better start running your brilliant ideas past me first," he said with a yank of his thumb toward his chest.

Ha! I don't know where his confidence was coming from but he was WAY off base. "Sure, you're one to give sage advice," I said snidely.

"Okay, so I might not make the best decisions all the time," Zach said dismissing my comment, "but I know only too well what will land me in trouble and what won't. This definitely would."

A great thing to hear after the fact. "Thanks a lot," I said. "That makes me feel SO much better."

"Sorry, it's true," he said with a shrug. He went to the stove and turned on the oven.

I tried to explain my rationale, hoping Zach would see my point and tell me it would be okay. "I try to obey all his stupid little rules…This was just too much! I deserved to go to the game. I'm an adult, damn it."

"An adult in a discipline relationship," he pointed out smoothly while he turned the oven to the right temperature. I felt myself crumble at his reminder; a subtle reminder that there were consequences to my actions. "Look," he said taking a seat beside me, "I know how you feel. Sometimes it seems like they never loosen up, but they do."

"Yeah, I see how 'loose' Nelson is," I taunted, watching his expression. I saw the familiar roll of his eyes and said, "But, Vic is strangling me with his stupid rules! I won't LAST long enough for him to 'loosen up'…assuming he ever would…" I didn't want to piss Zach off by slamming his partner any more than I already had, but I really didn't see Nelson as "loose" at all.

"He will," Zach advised. "Just relax, let him make the decisions. Life's easier if you just let go."

Easier said than done. "Sometimes I don't WANT to let go. He was determined I needed to come home and study today. Now, I'm in big trouble, I'm sure of it. Going to a baseball game is no big deal. At least, it shouldn't be…"

"Unless your partner tells you not to," he said laughing, rubbing me completely the wrong way. "What are you stressing about anyway? You don't even know that he knows you went. You might get off on this one. If you get home before he does, he might never know." The voice of reason. Zach grinned at me and said, "Not that I'm encouraging you to HIDE things. Consider it…" I waited while he searched the ceiling for the right words, "self-preservation." He nodded, satisfied with his choice.

He was right. I was only in trouble if Vic knew! "I wonder how many times he called to check on me this afternoon? He could be home now for all I know."

"I haven't heard your phone ring. Is it charged?" Groan. Time for another confession.

"It's charged. And it will STAY charged because it's OFF," I admitted.

"Oh, God." Zach threw his head back with an exasperated huff and slapped the table as if to say how stupid he thought I was. "You know, it would have been much easier for you just to say, 'Hey, Vic, would you please give me a spanking?'" He folded his hands in prayer-like fashion while he goaded me. "Pleeeease?"

I wasn't amused. "Shut up," I replied, my middle finger standing to attention.

Zach unfolded his hands and his irritability with me shone clearly. "How many missed calls, oh wise one?"

I didn't want to look. I reluctantly reached for my phone and turned it on. My eyes were fixed on the little screen, waiting for the call information to load. It wasn't pretty. I reported my findings to Zach. "Shit. Four missed calls - oh, and BIG surprise. I have VOICEMAIL."

"Really?" Zach asked. "I wonder who called you? I know it wasn't me."

I really wasn't in a mood for Zach's jokes which were always more likely than not, ill timed. I tried to ignore the dig. "Maybe he called to sing along during the 7th inning stretch?" I wondered aloud.

Zach smirked at me with that smart-ass expression he uses and said, "I'll bet he was singing, all right."

He knew my partner well. "Better him than me," I said ruefully.

"You'll be singing soon enough." Boy, was he ever the funny one? Smart-ass. He continued while chuckling at his own dumb jokes, "Maybe you guys can sing a duet." Yeah. Very funny. It was all I could do to keep the giggles under control… NOT. I tried to nail him with a dagger-filled look, but he didn't seem to notice. Never does. He finally asked, "Are you going to listen to it?"

Hell no came to mind. "I don't want to," I said. I was suddenly miserable again, and staring at the little screen filled with the missed calls information wasn't helping. I laid the phone topside down on the table so I wouldn't have to look at it anymore.

Zach spoke with aggravated patience, holding out his hand. "Give it to me. I have to do everything." I reluctantly picked the phone up and handed it to him, not anxious for him to listen to the messages.

I waited while Zach dialed, my stomach a jangle of nerves. This was it. The moment of truth. I was about to find out what Vic knew, which meant I was about to know if I were in any kind of trouble.

"Three messages," Zach announced. Oh, my God. I sat that there noticing the dryness in my mouth after my nerves sucked every ounce of spit away. Zach listened for a bit and said, "He says he's going to be late; blah, blah, blah. Hope you're having a good day…" Not so bad. At least it wasn't a threatening voice mail. I was able to swallow finally, against my arid throat. Zach deleted the harmless message and listened to the next. His words dropped lead into my stomach. "Uh, oh," he said with an ominous ring. "He's asking where you are and for you to call him immediately. That was at 3:00."

"Shit," I said as I glanced at the clock. It was almost 5:00. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the third message.

Zach grimaced and held the phone away from his ear as the third message played. "Damn. He knows," he reported. "Or, strongly suspects, I guess I should say." He held the phone back to me and I mutely took it while Zach paraphrased the message. Invisible hands were wringing my stomach out as I listened to Zach. "Something about 'you had better not be at that game, young man, and I expect you home studying'. I wouldn't want to be you tonight."

He's such a sensitive guy, that Zach, but right. I said, "Fuck. If he knows, then *I* don't want to be me tonight either." It was not going to be pretty.

Zach was no help by agreeing. "Nope."

I couldn't help but remember what Vic had said to me that morning. I confided, "He already told me… what he'd do if I went to the game."

"Uh, oh," Zach said for the second time that afternoon. It didn't bode any better that time than the first.

I was trying hard not to dwell on the day's events, but there wasn't anything else I could think about. Except… "But, what he said on the phone still doesn't mean he knows for sure, right?" I was hoping. Zach dashed those hopes like fragile glass.

"He knows." He said it with a sideways glance cut my way, and his certainty made my stomach clench even harder.

I knew he was right. "I know," I admitted, as I tried to come to grips with my fate. "Even if he doesn't, he'll ask me for sure. I can't lie to him." I looked at the phone lying on the table where Zach dropped it and followed his eyes to it, sensing he thought I should call him. "I can't call him back," I said, knowing we were both thinking I should.

Zach waved a dismissive hand in my direction. "You might as well suck it up and get it over with. You're already in trouble, so I wouldn't make it worse by not being home or calling him back."

Easy for him to say. "You're just saying that because Nelson let you go and wasn't a jerk about it."

"He wouldn't have let me if I had a test in two days, though," he said. Zach leaned back in his chair and threw his arm over the back, turning toward me. "I would have been mad, too, but I wouldn't have gone."

I wasn't convinced. "Yeah, right. Sure you wouldn't. Easy to say when you weren't the one not allowed to go."

"I wouldn't have!" he protested. He sounded convincing but I've been around when he didn't agree with a Nelson Edict.

I shrugged at him and said, "Whatever. I should be able to go to a ballgame."

Zach said in simple black and white terms, "Not if he said, 'no'."

I scrambled for a defense to that, and wasn't sure I hit on something useful, but I tried it anyway. If I could find one to work on Zach, maybe it would work on Vic. "It would be different if he ever LISTENED to me."

"Bullshit," Zach said without hesitation. Apparently, my defense was weak, at least in his eyes, which meant Vic would think even less of it. "He's listening and you know it. Quit being pathetic."

"I'm NOT being pathetic," I snapped. I wasn't, and Zach didn't understand. He shook his head with another roll of his eyes. The oven bleeped when it reached the preheated temperature, and Zach got up to put the chicken in the oven. I felt myself slump in my chair, feeling decidedly dejected. I spoke my fears mechanically, "I wonder just how mad Vic will be…"

Zach laughed and said, "'WILL' be?" He really wasn't helping in the least.

"You know what I meant," I said. "He'll probably ground me forever…" Well, it COULD be that simple.

A smile quirked at Zach's lips and he said while looking at me over his shoulder from the stove, "Among other things. I'd enjoy sitting while I could, if I were you."

I didn't need to hear that little tidbit. I really didn't. "That's not funny."

"No, it's not. Sorry," Zach said, not entirely sounding like he was. He sat back down at the table beside me as he spoke. "But, you know he'll do something you don't like. You asked for it, buddy."

I hadn't been with Vic that long, but long enough to have heard that same idiotic comment before. Who on EARTH "asks" for it? "You sound like one of 'them'," I told him.

Zach's face broke out in a grin. He said, "Hey! There's no need to get offensive." I couldn't help a grin in return. The momentary break in the tension was a much-needed relief, although short-lived.

"I don't think he should do anything to me over this. He didn't have a good reason, if you ask me. He just wanted to get his own way; flex his muscles, you know?"

"He doesn't need to have a reason," Zach said. I could tell by his expression, he didn't like the way that came out. He scowled and shook his head. "I mean, I'm sure he has a good reason in HIS mind, and that's all he needs."

No matter what I said, I knew in my heart Vic wasn't trying to be unreasonable. He wouldn't have said I couldn't go had he thought it was okay. I just wanted to see the game so bad, I was determined to go. I was wishing on a thousand stars I had gone home like I was supposed to, and suddenly, the game no longer held the appeal for me that it did earlier in the day. "I just wanted to go," I said.

I was feeling like crap in a big way. I looked at Zach, wishing for a solution from him since he'd been in a discipline relationship a lot longer than me. He was grinning when I looked at him, not taking my problem nearly as seriously as I would have like him to. "I can't tell you how many times I've heard," Zach said, taking on a stern expression that I assumed was going to be accompanied by his Nelson imitation, which it was. "'What does 'no' mean, young man?" and 'When I tell you not to do something'…" I had heard the same thing from Vic so many times, I couldn't help but burst out laughing. I think my nerves made it funnier than it really was. He laughed with me, neither of us being a stranger to those two lines. I was sure I'd be hearing one or both of them again in the near future.

I said, "I know I'VE never heard that…" My thoughts turned back to my troubles quickly enough and the doom settled back in like a thick fog. I said, "Man, I hate going home tonight…" It was both the last and the only place I wanted to be.

Zach nodded in sympathy and agreement. "He'll be chappy. But, you should just go home, though. The longer you stay here, the worse it will be. Really."

"Oh, and you'd run right home?" It was beyond me how I could just sit at home and wait for the blade to drop. I had never had to do that before and just the thought of it was proving harder than I could have ever imagined.

Zach said, "I wouldn't WANT to, but I would because I wouldn't want to make him more… aggravated."

"He already warned me what would happen…" After I said it, I realized I had said it before. It felt like my stomach was turning itself inside out, and I really wished it would stop. I knew it wouldn't until this horrible day was over with. I also knew what I was in for, and that it wouldn't happen for several hours. My stomach would never be the same, I was sure of it. Knowing I was going to have to wait for it, sit at home and actually WAIT for it, was definitely adding to my worries. I said to Zach, "You know, I've never had to wait for it before. He's always just THERE and… does it, you know?"

Zach was nodding at me and he gave me a sympathetic look. "I know how it feels to have to wait. I've been there," the veteran said. He looked at the table, and I wondered if he was remembering the feelings I was having at the moment. "It's like this: your stomach is in knots." Bingo. "You try to think of something else, but 'it' keeps interfering." Two for two. "You can't tell if you're going to shit yourself or throw up?" Oh, yeah, he had been there before. He paused and checked my face for a reaction and continued, "Any of this sounding familiar?"

Very familiar. Zach knocked it out of the park with his description, further than anything we saw that day at the game. A grand slam home run. I dropped my head onto my folded forearms, regretting my decisions that day. "Why didn't I just go home and study? I knew I shouldn't go to the game!" My voice sounded small and hollow trapped in my arms.

I felt Zach's hand on my shoulder, then a gentle squeeze. It wasn't much but it really did make me feel somewhat better just knowing he was there and understood. He said, "I know. It always seems like a good idea at the time. You're regretting going to the game now, I guess?"

"No," I mumbled into my arms. It was a lie, but I wished it were true. I raised my head and tried to straighten the front of my hair from being mashed against my arms. "I had FUN. I just wish he didn't have to figure out I went…"

Zach laughed and said, "Too late for that. If you're not home when he gets there, he'll be really annoyed. Plus, he wanted you to call him."

Reminders, reminders. Zach was better than a sticky note. I wasn't any more inclined to go home or call Vic with the reminder. In fact, I felt less inclined. "I can't," I said. "Can I stay here for dinner?" I really needed both the distraction and the company.

Zach suddenly threw a punch to my upper arm, so I guess he didn't like the idea of me staying. I yelped, even though it didn't really hurt. Zach said, "For somebody bitching about having to wait for it, you certainly are thinking of ways to dig your hole deeper. Are you nuts?"

"He's going to be late anyway! I'm not making it worse, and I don't want to sit around thinking about it by myself," I explained.

"Did you happen to forget he wants you home studying?"

"I know…" I said, frowning. I practiced my pitiful look on Zach, hoping he'd invite me to stay. I thought again about calling Vic, but for a different reason. It was a long shot but… "Maybe if I call him, I could talk him into promising not to spa- you know… " I couldn't say, "spank" for some reason. I think saying it meant it would be a reality or something.

Zach's face melted into a smile. "Yeah, well, I wouldn't count on that happening. And, I know it's worse if you try to avoid it. Be there when he gets home and at least ACT like you've been studying. You should be anyway, and you know it."

That didn't mean I wanted to do it. I couldn't focus on anything but the trouble I was in anyway. I was so miserable, and my stomach wouldn't stop twisting. I said, "This just makes my stomach hurt."

"I know it's hard, but it DOES get worse if you try to run or get out of it." He looked away uncomfortably with a memory and added, "Trust me on that one." I felt despair. Sheer despair. Zach said, "Benji, you know Vic cares about you."

I knew that. That was sort of the problem. If he didn't care about me, he wouldn't mind what I did whether it was in my best interest or not. It was such a fulfilling feeling to have someone think that much of me… unless, I was in trouble as a result. I looked at Zach and said, "There are other ways to CARE." Much more pleasant ways.

Zach's mouth stretched into a grin. "You're preaching to the choir, buddy. Nelson cares WAY too much sometimes. And, it usually lands me sleeping on my stomach when he does. The more he cares…"

"I don't want Vic to 'care' about me that much tonight. What am I going to do?" I implored.

"It's not easy, but you should go home like he said," Zach advised for the umpteenth time. It wasn't the answer I was looking for, but I couldn't think of another one either.

Knowing I was going to be in a vulnerable position in the very near future, I said dejectedly, "I hate it."

I didn't have to give the definition of "it" to Zach. All good brats know what "it" is, Zach included. Without asking for an explanation, he said, "You know what they'd say?"

Oh, yeah. I knew exactly what they'd say. I looked at Zach and we paused before saying in unison, "You aren't supposed to like it." Our partners were so alike about some things. Not putting up with disobedience being one of them.

I was overcome with dread again. I muttered, "Goddamn it."

"We don't say that in this house," Nelson said as he came into the kitchen. I almost ended up on the ceiling when I heard his voice since I hadn't heard him come in. Zach went to greet his partner while I got my heart rate back to a normal beat.

"Nelson!" Zach said. He jumped up and went to him for a kiss. "You didn't come in the garage," Zach said curiously on his way over to his lover.

"Someone has me blocked," Nelson said, looking at me. Great. Now, I had TWO tops aggravated with me. I had cursed in their house AND blocked the driveway. I was batting 1000.

"Sorry," I said, pushing my chair back. "I'll move."

"That's okay," Nelson said, and I noticed him smiling at me for the first time. "Don't get up." He linked his arms around Zach and kissed him. "Hi," he said to Zach.

"Hi, yourself," Zach said.

"How was the game?" I winced at the question, and suddenly worried that Nelson knew I wasn't supposed to go. Tops seemed to know it all, and besides that, Vic might have mentioned it. But Nelson didn't ask me any direct or probing questions, so I tried to relax while Zach answered him.

Without any worries of his own, Zach's eyes seemed to dance as he spoke. At least one of us could look back on the day without grimacing. He said, "Oh, man, it was GREAT. I mean, it's not the majors, but triple 'A' will do." Zach excitedly recounted the homerun that put our team over the top and pulled away from Nelson to show him a few other plays. I tried not to watch the animated demonstration of the game because it reminded me that I shouldn't have been there. Nelson seemed to be enjoying it though, and he smiled at Zach, watching him with a gleam in his eye. As the show drew to a close, he caught Zach's arms to pull him close again for another hug.

"I'm glad you had fun," he said. He looked over his shoulder at me and I felt myself squirm under his scrutiny. "You aren't saying much, Benji. Did you enjoy yourself?"

I wiggled a bit in my chair and turned my attention to my hands on the table. I said, "It was okay."

"Just okay? Were you two at the same game?" he teased, swinging his forefinger between us with curious look on his face. I felt him reach out and ruffle my hair, and I gave it my best effort to raise a smile at him.

"Ben's in a bad mood," Zach explained. "Vic is going to be late, so he's staying for dinner."

"That put him in a bad mood? Is our cooking that bad?" Nelson asked.

"No, silly," Zach said with a pinch to Nelson's butt under his hand. Watching them together made me wish for the same with Vic, but I knew our time together was not going to be fun later on.

"Ouch," Nelson joked, pulling away from the pinch. "Thanks for starting dinner," he snatched another kiss and looked over at me. "What vegetables do you like with your chicken?"

Yuck. "I don't care," I said. "I'm not real fond of any of them."

"Then, let's have broccoli," Zach suggested.

"You KNOW I hate broccoli," I said, quickly having an opinion on the choice of vegetables. Just about anything else would be better than broccoli.

"I'm KIDDING," Zach answered. Whew. Sometimes, I couldn't tell.

********

I didn't have much to say during dinner. My stomach was clamping down tight to keep anything I chucked down my throat from getting in. I felt like I could puke. I shoved another forkful of corn in mouth and focused on keeping it down after I swallowed. I had thought the company would keep me from thinking about what was waiting for me, but it didn't. Zach and Nelson were talking and kept trying to include me. I tried to act normal and get in on the conversation as much as I could to keep from raising Nelson's suspicions. In the middle of our dinner conversation, my heart stopped when my phone started ringing in my pocket. I pulled it out and turned the ringer completely off so it wouldn't happen again. I didn't have to look to know who was calling.

Nelson was pinning me with a questioning look and I explained nervously, "I don't answer it during meals." I saw Zach trying to hide a smile by ducking his head. Bastard. It wasn't at all funny.

Nelson and Zach's home phone started ringing immediately after mine went quiet. The "seek and destroy mission" was almost complete. The prey was located, now only the destroy part was left. Nelson said, "I'll get it." No, no, no, no, no……

Zach suspected who it was, too. He mouthed silently at me, "It's him, I'll bet."

I slumped back in my chair and wrapped my arms around me, listening to Nelson talk on the phone. He said, "Yes, he's here. Hang on." NO!

I muttered "fuck" under my breath and drew away from the phone Nelson was holding out to me. He pushed it closer to me and did the warning raise of the eyebrows. I swallowed, slowly reached for the phone and took it, placing it to my ear. "Hello?" I said quietly. In stark contrast to my whisper, Vic's booming voice came at me through the line informing me to get my "butt home immediately". Exclamation mark. Hmmm. Well, I REALLY didn't want to go home after that. I glanced around at Nelson and Zach, and saw them both watching me. My face got hot, and I finally said to Vic, "I'm not ready to go home." Well, that just went over like a lead balloon. Vic sounded like he got louder, if that were at all possible. I was done listening. I mashed the button on the phone to disconnect the call while Vic was in mid-rant.

I risked a glance at Zach and his mouth was literally hanging open to the point I could see a kernel or two of corn. His eyes were wide and directly on me. I heard him say almost reverently around the mouthful of buttered corn, "Oh, my God!" My eyes flicked over at Nelson who sat at the table, staring at me with his mouth slack with equal surprise, and apparently, stunned into silence. I tried to act normal and simply went back to my dinner without an explanation, ignoring the faces begging for one.

The phone started to ring again before Nelson could manage to say anything to me. I blurted at him, "Don't answer it!"

He ignored my request, and picked it up off the table where I had tossed it. He said calmly, "I'll answer my own phone if I want to, thank you." He kept a watchful eye on me while he answered it. He said, "Hi, Vic." I started shaking my head at Nelson and held up a hand. "Um… he's finishing dinner… Yes, hold on." Nelson held the phone out to me with the mouthpiece covered. "I wouldn't hang up on him this time, if I were you," he advised. I stared at the phone, and Nelson pushed it toward me again before I reached out and took it.

"Hel…hello?" I heard myself stammer. Expecting another growl from Vic, I held it away from my ear slightly as I was told in no uncertain terms not to EVER hang up on him, and to get my backside home and start studying. He added, "And, I mean it," as if I didn't know already. I mustered up a stoic answer. "But, I'm not ready to go home yet."

Vic wasn't fond of my response. He reminded me in cold tones of our conversation that morning. "Do you remember what I told you would happen if you went to that game?"

I felt the skin of my face warm with the question, both from sensing Nelson and Zach's eyes on me and at the prospect of what was waiting for me later. Vic was talking so loud, I was sure Nelson and Zach could hear him. I wanted the conversation over and over quickly. I said, "Yes, sir, I remember."

"I will be home at 7:00, at which time we will discuss point by point what it means when I say 'no'. Is that clear to you, Benjamin?"

I managed a final "yes, sir" and, after I was given the order to return the phone to Nelson, I offered it to him without comment.

Nelson put the phone to his ear and said to Vic, "Hello? Dinner, right… Yes, we're finishing up. You don't care if he stays to finish, do you?… I can have him home shortly… Okay, talk to you later." I thought my face would spontaneously combust from the heat I could feel there while Nelson turned his eyes on me. I kept my attention on my plate. It was captivating.

I couldn't eat another bite without throwing up on the table. I didn't think Zach and Nelson would appreciate it so I pushed my plate away. Nelson was still staring at me, and I struggled to find something to look at other than him. I was sure he took a dim view of my hanging up on Vic, and I wanted to get away from the accusing eyes. He said, "Zach, would you mind starting the dishes without me? I'd like to talk to Ben for a second." Aw, hell! Not a lecture before my doom!

Benedict Arnold Bartholomew quickly complied all too quickly. "Sure, I don't mind." Traitor.

Nelson held out his hand to me and said, "Come on, Benji. Let's sit in the swing for a bit."

"I don't want to," I said, to which Nelson merely responded with a snap of his outstretched fingers. He wasn't taking 'no' for an answer. Why it is WE'RE expected to observe all requests in the negative, but they never are? I was in trouble solely because I didn't honor Vic's 'no', but mine was being disregarded at every turn. No, I don't want to go home. Go home anyway. No, I don't want to talk. We're talking anyway. Something wasn't adding up.

Nelson's hand was still reaching toward me and he said, "Come on. I won't keep you long, since you know you need to be home. Don't you?" Ouch. Apparently. I huffed frustrated and took the offered hand, following Nelson however unwillingly to the back porch. I caught another grin from Zach before he was able to turn to the sink. He didn't have to be enjoying this so much. Although, I must admit, if the shoe were on the other foot, I'd probably be laughing at him, too.

We stepped onto the back porch, and I did my darnedest to hang back. I was NOT looking forward to this conversation. It didn't sway Nelson in the least, and he used his grip on my hand to prompt me along. He was like a fucking snapping turtle and I didn't see any evidence of thunder on the horizon. He wasn't about to let go. He sat down and I was suddenly yanked onto the swing beside him. I squirmed a little bit until he stilled me with an arm around my shoulder. "Bad day?" he asked gently.

No shit, Sherlock. I said, "You might say that."

The sun was just beginning to set, but still provided enough light that I wished for darkness. I couldn't enjoy the golden-red skyline for thoughts of the pending conversation with Nelson and later one with my partner swirling in my head. Having to go home to Vic was bad enough under the circumstances, but being subjected to Nelson's prodding made my face flush yet again. It probably matched the sky.

"Want to tell me what's going on here?" Nelson asked, diving right into the subject at hand.

I replied honestly, yet quietly, "Not really."

"Benji. Come on, now. What's wrong?" the pit bull asked. He had a firm hold on the situation and had no intention of letting go.

Then again, it was nice to feel his support, even if I was having a hard time talking about it. I was in SO much trouble. I leaned against Nelson's shoulder dejectedly. "It's just…It's personal stuff," I tried, hoping Nelson would grant me some privacy. My fingers twisted the hem of my shorts, and I watched them work.

I heard Nelson sigh before he spoke. It sounded like a patient sigh and not an aggravated one. "I'm not trying to pry, but I think you need to talk. You just hung up on your partner, and you aren't home where he expects you to be. I'd think you could use an ear." Damn. Blunt much?

The reality of my situation was right in front of me again, and I sat up rigidly and looked at Nelson. I burst out suddenly, "He's just being so unreasonable!"

I saw Nelson looking at me in the slowly fading light, and he laid a hand on my leg and said gently, "How's that?"

I looked at him for a minute pondering the question, trying to decide how much to tell him. I finally concluded that he knew enough, and might as well know the whole story. It was easier to look at my lap than Nelson's face when I admitted, "I wanted to go to the ballgame today. I'm an adult. I should be able to go to a stupid ballgame if I want to, and decide if I need to study and how much." There. It was out.

I glanced at him quickly and saw him nodding understanding then he looked out across the yard. "I'm guessing Vic said, 'no' to the game and opted for you studying?" he wondered.

I folded my leg in the swing, so I could turn to face Nelson. The confession came tumbling out of my mouth. "Of COURSE he said 'no'. Lately, it's all he EVER says to me - And, now, he's mad at me, and I'm not exactly… anxious to face him."

Nelson patted my knee and said, "Well, it sounds like we have a couple of issues at hand here. Let's take them one at a time." I felt a shimmer of hope, thinking Nelson might have a workable solution. He sounded so confident, so sure. He said, "First, we'll talk about the ballgame, and Vic 'always' saying 'no'. Why do you think he said that this time?"

"I don't know," I said, conveniently not mentioning I had a test coming up. That was a minor detail. I said, "I'm not supposed to have any fun, I guess."

Nelson surprised me by laughing. It wasn't funny. He shook his head, pulling me against him for a hug. "Come on, now. Vic and I aren't a couple of unreasonable ogres who are on a mission to squash all the fun out of your and Zach's lives."

"Yes, you are," I mumbled against him. "Shrek and Shrek II. You might give them the idea for a sequel."

"Careful; you're going to hurt my feelings," he said with a smile. "What did he say his reason was?"

Great. Now he wanted The Reason. I didn't want to tell him because in reality, it was probably a reasonable reason. I managed to put off answering until Nelson squeezed my shoulders. I said, "Well, I sort of have a test in two days in Econ…But, I've BEEN studying. I didn't NEED to stay home today and read the same boring stuff all over again."

"Economics?" Nelson asked. He twisted sideways to look at me. "The class you've been struggling in?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, all right? But, I've been studying for this test so I didn't need to waste tonight on it, too!"

"But, Vic disagreed?" Nelson asked.

"What do YOU think?" I responded, looking at Nelson from under the brim of my cap.

He said simply, "I think he was right."

Of course he did. I was suddenly furious and felt betrayed. He was no help and I was feeling ganged up on. I yanked myself out of Nelson's arms and stood to my feet. "I KNEW it! Talking to you is POINTLESS. You two stick together on EVERYTHING!"

In a flash, Nelson leaned forward and grabbed my hand, tugging me back toward the swing. I dug in my heels but he kept pulling until I did a quick two-step toward where he was pulling. He plopped me back next to him and said, "Now, Benjamin, sit here and listen to me for a minute."

"To what? He's right and I'm wrong? I'm tired of always being the only one to listen."

Nelson took my hands in his and took firm hold, looking me squarely in the eyes in the fading sun. "Vic has your best interests in mind, and you know it. Just like I do when I make decisions for Zach," Nelson said. "Zach doesn't always like what I decide, but my decisions ARE for his good. I do the best I can to make the best decisions I can make." Putting a finger under my chin, he raised my angry face to look at him. I hate it when they do that. There's a REASON I'm not looking at them. It's simply that I don't want to for whatever reason. He waited for eye contact to continue, so I glared at him. "And, Vic does the same thing."

"And, I suppose you never make mistakes?" I accused.

He surprised me by shaking his head immediately. "I didn't say that. I said we do the best we can." He squeezed my hands and explained, "You see, Benji, some things are gray, harder to be sure about. On the gray things, we have to just use our better judgment. But other things are distinctly black and white…" he paused probably to make sure he had my full attention, "like this test coming up. That's very clear."

Too clear. He and Zach were making this situation distinctly black and white with no room for gray, and I needed gray to get out of trouble or later, there would be red. Lots of red. Red backside, red eyes, red face, Vic's red hand if I was lucky… I tried to explain my position. "But, I've been doing my homework. This was opening day! It didn't hurt anything for me to go!"

Nelson cleared his throat and appeared to be gathering his thoughts. "Okay, Benji, let me ask you this. How are you going to feel tomorrow when you have to cram for the test having lost today to study? Tired? Irritable? Stressed?"

"I'm stressed NOW."

"But, you created this stress," Nelson pointed out. Phfffftttt!

"It's not just about the test, though," I said, trying to steer him off the subject.

"We're going to get to that. Right now, we're discussing the test," Nelson said. He couldn't be swayed off-topic for anything!

I said, "I'll be FINE for the test. That's what I've been telling you. No one LISTENS to me."

"I'm listening, Benji," he said calmly. "I know you think you're ready, but you still need to study. Am I right?"

Bingo. Like it or not, I did have more studying to do. Knowing the day was shot, I said, "I have tomorrow…"

Nelson switched tactics on me. "Let me ask you another way," he said. "If today hadn't been opening day, would you have studied for this test?"

Damn. I looked at my hands and admitted softly, "Yeah."

"Okay then. You know that and so did Vic, I'm sure. Do you think he wanted to see you upset and overwrought trying to cram for the test tomorrow simply so you could go to the game today?"

I grinned at Nelson, trying to find something decent to salvage from the day. "It was a great game, though."

"I hope it was worth it," Nelson said, and my smile faded like the afternoon sun. "But, that's not the point. Answer my question: do you think he wants you to struggle?"

I was getting tired of the whole ordeal. A spanking would be better than this lecture torture. It would have been over with by now. I was emotionally wrung out. My shoulders slumped and I said, "Well, I know he didn't want to see that - but what if I'm not upset and overwrought?"

"You must enjoy cramming for tests, then," he said. "Do you?"

"I don't enjoy ANY tests."

"Do you enjoy cramming for tests?"

"I heard you the first time."

"Then answer me," Nelson persisted. He MUST have been a snapping turtle in another life. HAD to be. I wished heartily for thunder. I checked the sky and found it clear.

"You know I don't," I said somberly.

"Okay," Nelson said. He recounted where we were so far. "We've established that even YOU agree that the best way to handle your studies is to do it without over-stressing. So, why is it so bad hearing the same thing you already know when it comes from Vic?"

"Are you a doctor or a lawyer?"

Nelson laughed at my remark and said, "Doctor, but don't ask Zach. Give me an answer."

I looked out across the yard and said barely audibly, "I don't know. It just hit me wrong, I guess. Of course, he's mad at me now, and I'm worried about going home." Worried beyond words. It was going to be bad and I knew it.

"We'll talk about that. I haven't forgotten." Of course he hadn't. "How was it wrong and unreasonable when Vic thought the same thing you do?"

"I don't know. It should be my choice. It just SHOULD." Especially when we disagree, but I didn't say that.

"But, it isn't, is it?" I ignored the question. "Is it?"

"It should be," I repeated stubbornly. I threw my head back and pulled my cap down over my eyes. "God, I hate to face him tonight. If I didn't have to follow all his rules and decisions…"

Nelson said, "Okay, you sound like you have more on your mind than just being told you couldn't go to the ballgame, so why don't we talk about that now?" I nodded a bit. Nelson continued, "How was your GPA before you let Vic make the decisions?"

Oh, brother. He KNEW how it was. It sucked, thoroughly sucked. I didn't want to admit it. I shrugged and said grudgingly, "Not so great, I guess."

"Do you know where I'm going with this?" Nelson asked.

"Yeah, yeah," I said without enthusiasm, "Vic helped me turn my grades around. Fine. But grades aren't everything."

"You're right, they aren't," Nelson agreed. I got one right? I couldn't believe it. He said, "Then let's talk about you. How were you before Vic started handling things?" Nelson warned, "And, before you answer, remember, I knew you before."

I knew Nelson would point it out if I was far from the truth so I said, "I was okay, I guess."

"Benjamin. Be honest." Shoot.

"Well, I might have had some rough spots."

"Some?" Nelson asked, poking me in the ribs.

I squirmed away from the tickle, yelping a little. I said, "I wasn't dying or anything."

"No, you weren't. But, how were YOU? Happier then or now?"

"That depends," I answered miserably, thinking about the rest of the evening. "Do you mean RIGHT now?"

Nelson hugged me again and said, "Not this very minute. I know you're not happy right now. Overall, how are you?"

"Most of the time, I'm happier now," I conceded, "but lately, it's not seeming that way."

"By 'lately', do you mean today?"

"Well…, yeah," I answered quietly. I was truly happier with Vic than I had been at any other time in my life. I loved him dearly, but it was miserable whenever I was in trouble, so that day was one of those not-so-good-days.

"So, you mean to tell me that you're willing to judge your whole relationship with Vic on one bad day?"

No, it wasn't the whole relationship. It was just the not-so-good-days when I was in trouble. Like today. I knew what I was in for and I hated it. "But, I'm TIRED of…you know."

"Getting spanked?" Nelson asked bluntly, and I winced at the words. Nelson continued rhetorically, thank God, because I didn't want to answer the question. "You know how to keep that from happening, now, don't you?"

I felt my cheeks blaze and knew my other ones would be burning before the night was over. I kept myself pressed against Nelson and said, "Not just that. It's his decisions. They're fine unless I disagree."

"That makes sense. But, you've agreed to let him have the final say in your relationship." It was true. I nodded silently. "It's been working for you, too, by the way. I think you'd agree even knowing how today will likely end."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I said, "Yeah, I know."

"When you don't agree and you decide to do what you want, your choices carry certain consequences in a relationship like this." He tapped my knee with his finger. "You knew that when you made the decision to go to the game today."

"I know," I said. Even though I knew what to expect, I was hopeful that I might be wrong. I wondered aloud, "So, um, what would you do to me…for today?"

"What do you think?" Nelson answered without hesitation.

I pulled away and asked hopefully, "Lecture me some more?"

He smiled at me knowingly and said, "For starters. But, I think you know how it would end without asking." I did.

"But, what if I don't want it to end that way?"

"Then, I'd suggest you stay home and study when you're told to." I withered, knowing that was no longer an option. "If you choose not to do that, then you know to expect things to 'end that way'. You're not supposed to like it."

I sighed. "Zach and I knew you'd say that," I said, remembering our earlier conversation. "He's going to be SO mad at me."

Nelson ran a hand down my face and cupped it gently. "I'm sure he's no happier than you are. He's probably mad, just like you were when he told you not to go. Hanging up on him didn't help things either." I felt my body slacken with the confirmation. Nelson said, "But, you have a great thing with Vic. Trust."

"We could trust each other tomorrow…? Forget today ever happened?" Please?

"I don't think so, Sweetheart." It was worth a try. "It isn't going to just go away."

"But, I want it to go away."

"I'm sure you do, but I expect that's not going to happen," Nelson said. Looking at me with tenderness in his eyes, he asked, "Are you okay?"

I wasn't. I shook my head, and said, "No…I've been miserable all afternoon." My stomach turned over. "Actually, it's been worse since I knew he knew."

"I'm sure. And, you'll feel that way until it's dealt with and this is over."

"God, Nelson," I said. The weight of the world fell heavily on my shoulders. "What am I supposed to do? I don't know if I can just go home and wait."

"I know, honey." Nelson pulled me close and kissed my head. "Nothing will make it better; hiding out here will only make it worse. You need to go home and wait for Vic like he asked you to. Study while you wait."

I just couldn't. I wanted to hide out at their house forever. "Does that mean you're kicking me out? Throwing me to the wolves?" I asked.

He hugged me tight, and said, "Throwing you to the one who loves you more than any man in the world. He wants what's best for you, Benji. He wants this over as well, I can promise you that. And, he wants you to pass that Econ test with flying colors."

I scrunched up against Nelson, still trying to find a way out of trouble. Leaning against my partner's best friend aside from me, I got a brilliant idea. I sat up immediately. "Maybe you could talk to him," I suggested. "Tell him I'll do better…Tell him I don't need to be punished because I've suffered enough?" The suggestions poured from my lips in rapid succession.

Nelson laughed softly, but I must have missed the joke. He said, "I don't think I could convince him of that if I tried… which I'm not going to."

"Damn."

Nelson touched his finger to my lips and said, "Mouth."

"Sorry," I mumbled, wilting back against him from the admonition and his refusal to assist.

Back to the subject, Nelson said, "He loves you, Ben. He won't kill you, I promise."

"I'm not so sure about that, Nelson." Thoughts of ballgames, missed study time, and hanging up on my partner flashed through my mind.

"He won't," Nelson assured me.

I sat up again, looking earnestly at Nelson, "But maybe if you told him how bad I feel… That I'm already sorry for it all…" My eyes nearly begged Nelson for help.

He studied me and paused before answering. "If I call him, will you go home like you're supposed to?"

I swallowed hard. "I just don't want him to be mad at me."

"Do you think he'll be any less mad if you aren't home studying when he gets there?"

"N-no. I guess not," I said.

"I'm sure of it," Nelson stated confidently. "Don't you think you should go home like he told you to?"

I pulled at the hem of my shorts again, embarrassed at my predicament. I confided, "It's just… I've never… I've never WAITED for it before. I'm just nervous."

Nelson nodded and said, "I know. Well, I don't like to make Zach wait just like you don't want to have to. But, sometimes, that's just the way it has to be. Like today."

"Usually, he's just right THERE. And he just DOES it," I said, smacking my hands against my thighs. "You know? This is different."

"I know. It isn't easy."

"This just feels different." And, boy, did it ever. I never had to think it through more than the time I was in a corner. That was bad enough, but this…

"You have time to think about it," Nelson said. He shocked me by being so on the money.

I nodded and said, "It's harder to go home. Knowing."

"I know it's hard, but you need to do it. He'll be home in a little while and then you can both put this behind you."

"Literally, behind ME," I said. I wasn't trying to be a comedian, but he laughed anyway.

Nelson said, "Yeah. That's right."

"It's NOT funny," I scowled.

"I know, Sweetheart." He stopped laughing and said seriously, "I know it's hard. I know you have a lot to think about. But, I also know, that after you and Vic deal with this, things will be much brighter tomorrow."

My ass will be, I thought. "You mean, other than my butt?"

With a tight hug, he said, "Yes, Sweetie. Other than your butt." He released his hold on me and looked at me intently. "Are you ready to go home now?"

"Are you going to call Vic? Smooth things over some for me?" I asked, praying for some intervention, divine or mortal.

"Yes, I'll call Vic," Nelson promised.

I closed my eyes tightly and exhaled. "Then I guess I should get there before he does."

"I think that would be a good idea."

"Th-thanks, Nelson. For, um, you know," I stuttered. "Everything."

Nelson pulled me to my feet and squeezed me tightly. The hug was nice and reassuring, but I really wanted it from Vic. Nelson said, "Any time, Sweetheart. It's going to be fine. You have my word on that."

I stepped back to turn toward my car, then remembered I hadn't said, "bye" to Zach. "Tell Zach goodnight for me? When you go in to call Vic?" I gently reminded him.

He smiled at the reminder. "Will do. Drive carefully. I'm going in to make that call," he said with wink and a kiss to my forehead. I trudged around to my car with a wave over my shoulder.

*******

I came into the dark, empty house, and habitually hung my keys on the designated hook by the kitchen door. I noticed my hands were sweating, and my stomach was in knots. I thought about the talks I had earlier with both Zach and Nelson; neither of whom thought NOT going home was an option. I was really beginning to wonder if it was such a good idea now, with Vic merely 45 minutes from home. "What the fuck was I thinking?" I asked myself. I tried to decide which had been dumber; disobeying Vic in the first place, or coming home to face him.

My throat tightened with frustrated tears and I kicked the side of the bar in frustration at myself as I passed by to get something to drink out of the refrigerator. Dr. Pepper. The nearest thing to comfort food I could stomach. I pulled a cold one from the shelf and went to the living room to await my doom. I sat on the sofa and nervously looked at the clock on the VCR. Twenty-five minutes left. Maybe he would be later than he planned. I seriously hoped he would be although the waiting was killing me. That didn't mean I was anywhere near ready to face the music. I twisted the cap off my drink and took a sip, hoping it would moisten my desert-dry mouth. My hand went to the top of my head and adjusted my ballcap slightly, pushing it back a bit from my forehead. I thought about taking it off, but decided against it. I lay on the sofa, and flicked the television on hoping to find something remotely interesting enough to take my mind off my situation. The best I could do was an old re-run of Andy Griffith and I tried to watch it while I waited. Truth be told, I couldn't begin to recount what I saw. I really wasn't "watching" it; it was just on. I tried to concentrate on the show, but my mind kept drifting to my fate, while my eyes kept on finding the damn clock. The numbers were ticking by entirely too fast.

Two minutes before Vic had promised to be home, I heard his car in the driveway and felt my stomach jump. "Damn. He's early," I grumbled to myself, even if it were just by two minutes.

My stomach lurched again when I heard the grinding sound of the garage door as it slowly lifted. I shifted on the sofa, and closed my eyes tight, reclining my head into the pillow at the end of the sofa closest to the kitchen door. In this position, at least I wouldn't have to see Vic come in. My mouth went drier still and I tried to work up enough spit to swallow. It wasn't working. I finally sat up and reached for my Dr. Pepper. I washed down the cotton hanging in my throat while my eyes became fixated on the doorway between the living room and kitchen. Hearing the backdoor open, I quickly reclaimed my position so I could put off seeing Vic's angry face a bit longer.

My sense of hearing always seems to sharpen when I am in trouble. This time was no different. The sound of Vic's footsteps was enormous, the click-clack of his heels on the kitchen tile, keeping time with the smashing of my heart against my chest. I felt both hot and cold; my hands were still sweating but my belly felt hot with the rush of blood to my gut from my nerves. I willed my insides to stop churning before I puked corn and chicken all over the living room rug, but it was unwilling to obey. Just like the rest of me, I guess. Oh, how I wished I had done like I was told! His footsteps drew closer and I pulled my cap down low over my eyes. I didn't get it low enough to miss the toes of Vic's wingtips, peeking out below the hem of his dress slacks, just in front of the sofa. And, in front of me. I heard Vic moving then the room went silent when the television switched off. The remote control clattered back onto the coffee table where Vic semi-tossed it.

Without even a "hello", Vic said, "I see you still aren't interested in studying like I told you to."

It had never crossed my mind to try to study until Vic mentioned it. "I… I was just… I was too upset to concentrate." There's no way any of the information would have stuck that night. I couldn't think of anything other than being in trouble, and wishing I had never heard the word ballgame, much less attended one when my partner told me not to.

Vic towered over the sofa with his arms crossed. An ominous sign. "I believe you have a corner with your name on it waiting upstairs." Great, just great! More waiting!

I was in no hurry to go near the corner and start the death march. I remained stretched out on the sofa and couldn't help but notice my breathing had quickened since Vic entered the room. I had to at least try to explain myself and get out of this pickle. "Vic, please," I said softly, tipping my head up at Vic to see him under the brim of my cap.

He cut me off before I could launch into an explanation. "I don't want to hear it, Benjamin. There is absolutely nothing you can say that will change my mind." Nothing?! Not a thing?? It wasn't looking good. Vic crossed his arms over his chest, causing his suit jacket to strain against the movement as well as his muscles. Vic said, "It doesn't look to me like you're going upstairs like I asked you. Seems you're having trouble lately with following directions."

Crap. I was steadily making it worse without even trying. I mechanically rose to my feet, careful to keep some distance between Vic and me, but I didn't go anywhere just yet. I still had to explain. "Vic, I can explain," I started, but truly having no idea what I would or could say to change things. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks when my voice cracked like a 13-year-old going through puberty.

"Oh, really?" Vic asked. "Just how would you explain your rationale for specifically doing what I told you not to? And, I can't wait to hear the reason you hung up on me."

My mouth worked to form words that wouldn't come, and I felt my chin began to quiver, giving away the fact that I was very near to tears. I didn't try to stop it, hoping to prick some part of Vic's heart into feeling sorry for me. It didn't seem to be working. His hands rested on his hips, and he faced me, unmoving. He was waiting for an answer, or he would have ordered me upstairs again by this point. I said, with tears in my voice, "I'm sorry, I just wanted to go, and you wouldn't listen."

Vic's sentences were short and clipped. He wasn't happy with me, not in the least. "I listened. I said, 'no'. Paddle, then upstairs." Oh, God. Not the paddle. No, no, no… I knew I was in for it good, but I didn't want to be paddled. The little bit I got that morning was bad enough through my pajamas. I knew I would be bare to face it this time, and my knees almost knocked in dread. I gave a moment's thought to dashing out the front door - just a moment's - but I knew in my heart I deserved to be punished. But, that didn't mean I had to like it. And, I seriously was not going to like being paddled. My groin felt like it was crawling up inside my belly at the thought of being over Vic's knees with my pants down, and that wicked little piece of wood shredding my ass. I hated it. With a passion. I was wishing even more that I never went to the game.

"Vic…" I started, and my butt clenched involuntarily.

"You heard me, and I told you what would happen this morning if you went to that game today."

"But, you didn't say I would get paddled!" I protested. "Just spanked!"

Vic looked at me in surprise. "Oh, you mean to tell me had I specified your 'good spanking' would include the paddle you would have obeyed me today?"

I thought about the question. Probably not. I wasn't thinking of consequences when I did it. That was the problem. A spanking from Vic wasn't ever a good thing, but a paddling from him was even worse. The threat of a spanking should have been enough to keep my sorry ass home where I was supposed to be, but I couldn't see beyond what I wanted at the time. Vic interrupted my thoughts as I pondered his question. "I don't think it would have mattered. Go get the paddle like I told you and wait in the corner of our room."

I faltered, unable to make myself take another step just yet, and thought to ask, "Did Nelson call you?" Oh, please, oh please…

"Yes, he called me." Whew!

"Wha-what did he say?" I asked.

"Nothing that changes what's going to happen or that I didn't already know. Go on," Vic said with a gentle push toward the kitchen. "Don't make it any worse than it already is." Worse?! What could be worse? Oh, well, the belt maybe, but Vic had rarely pulled that thing through his pant loops for more than putting it away. But, a paddling was usually as bad as it ever got in our house. Still, he was creative, and if he thought it could be worse, I sure as heck didn't want him to prove to me that it could be.

I went to the designated kitchen drawer that was a paddle drawer this evening as it had been that morning. I pulled the drawer open, moving the towels aside I used to cover the paddle when I put it away for Vic. I reached a shaky hand inside and pulled it out, looking at it and feeling the weight of it in my hands. It didn't feel like much, but it packed a sting and wallop that I didn't appreciate. With my head down, I wandered back through the living room and saw Vic standing in the archway to the hall. I was going to have to walk past him to get to the stairs and my heart broke at having disappointed him. I felt horrible. I slinked past him on my way to our bedroom, and kept my eyes from locking with his. I climbed the stairs with feet that felt so heavy I thought my sneakers had lead in the soles. Maybe they were cement shoes. I don't know. All I know is it was hard to raise my feet for each step on the risers. I finally made it to our room, and I angrily threw the paddle on the bed as I walked past, and parked myself in the corner. I was so mad at myself, and the trouble I manufactured without any input or help from another soul.

I loved Vic with all my heart, and hated to upset or disappoint him. Yet, I couldn't think that way when I went to the ballgame. I was being selfish, not adhering to our rules. I knew I deserved to be punished, but I hated that part. Hated the way I felt over his knees. Hated when my pants were lowered, whether I did it or Vic did. Hated feeling like a naughty six-year-old in disgrace. I especially hated the feel of my burning backside when he was spanking me, and the throb afterward. I stood there silently, thinking about the advice I had been given all evening and tried to take it to heart. I knew deep down, that this set-up worked, good or bad. Currently, bad, but for the most part, it was good. I berated myself over and over for disobeying in the first place while I waited for Vic to come upstairs and put the nasty ordeal behind us. That was one of the good things. Once we dealt with something, it was no longer discussed. It was over. Final. History. I didn't want to be paddled, but I knew once that part was over, it would all be over. Frustrated and angry with myself, I felt an all-too-familiar sting rising to my eyes. "Why did I have to do it?" I asked myself aloud.

"Good question," Vic said from behind me, and I almost jumped out of my skin.

I ran a finger under my nose, sniffing, and turned around to face him. "I don't know why," I managed, hugging myself with my arms. Vic loosened his tie, unbuttoned the top button on his white dress shirt and began rolling up his sleeves. Fingers of dread wound themselves around my insides, turning them to Jell-o, as I looked on. He rolled them up with a determination that said, "I have a job to do". He apparently wanted no hindrances.

"Come here," he said while working the cuff of his other sleeve up his forearm. He didn't even wait to get his clothes arranged the way he wanted before he called me over. Suddenly, waiting didn't seem so bad. He hesitated with his sleeve when I didn't move, and he said simply, "Benjamin!"

That got my feet to moving, and I walked the rocky path to my lover. When I got close enough, I couldn't resist flinging myself into Vic's arms when I got near him. "I'm sorry," I cried.

Vic hugged me and stroked my back as I clung to him. Maybe he wasn't so mad after all. "It's too late for that," he said. Nope, still mad. "You had no business going to that game after I told you not to."

Boy, didn't I know that. "I know," I sobbed. "I just wanted to go." I'm sure I got tears and snot on his shoulder, but he didn't seem to take notice. It could be dry cleaned anyway.

He said, "You told me that last night and this morning. And, I said 'no'. Both times." Vic pulled me away and took my face between his palms. "We wouldn't be here if you had listened to me."

"But, you won't listen to ME," I said, trying my earlier defense on Vic. Even though it didn't work with Zach, it was all I had.

"Benjamin, that is not true and you know it. Did I not just say I heard you?" I couldn't turn my head, captured in Vic's hold, but I dropped my eyes so I wouldn't have to look at him.

"I didn't think it was fair," I said in justification of my actions.

"It's not about fair; it's about doing as you're told," he explained. "Whenever you and I take a different opinion of things, I have the last word here when we disagree."

"I know," I said.

"Then, why did you go to the game?"

I sniffed again and whispered, "Because I wanted to go and I was mad at you. Now, you're mad at me."

"I'm not happy with the fact you disobeyed me, that's for sure. And, hanging up on me certainly didn't help your situation in the least." My face fell and new tears emerged. I had totally forgotten that little detail. I pressed my fingers to the corners of my eyes, like the Little Dutch Boy sticking my thumb in a dam. It worked better on dams than tear ducts. Vic pulled me close and said, "Shhh. That's enough. You don't have anything to cry about yet."

"Do, too," I said, as tears trickled past my fingers and down my cheeks. I was about to get my butt paddled, and if that won't make you cry, I don't know what will.

Vic pulled me away and reached up, taking the brim of my cap in his hands that had gone slightly askew from the hug. He pulled it off and laid it on the bed then straightened my hat hair with his fingers. "Let's get it over with," Vic said to me. He took the legs of his dress slacks between his fingers and hitched them up before he took a seat on the bed. He reached for the paddle that was lying at the foot where I had slung it, and moved it beside his right thigh. How handy.

"Do you have to paddle me?" I asked with the best forlorn expression I could muster. Vic held out his hand, palm up, and curled his fingers at me in a "come here" motion. I guess that was a "yes". I gripped my hands together in front of me, unmoving, working them nervously. "Please?" I wasn't too proud to beg. I was about to be bared and spanked by my lover, and there is no room for pride there.

"Come on," he said without hesitation. He wasn't letting me off. Not that I expected him to. I HOPED he would, but I didn't expect it.

"Please?" I pleaded again. "Do you have to?"

"I said to come here," he persisted.

"Are you listening to me?!" I asked when Vic failed to address the question.

"I'm listening to you. You're going to get a paddling," he said. Plain and simple.

I ignored the outstretched hand and said, "But, you don't have to, do you?"

"I don't have to, no, but it's my decision to. Now, come here. Don't make me tell you again."

"But, Vic…" I protested, but I did so while walking to him. Baby steps, but walking nonetheless. "How will I study tonight? I'll be sore."

"I believe I warned you this morning?" Vic's eyes looked to me for confirmation.

"I knooooow," I said. "But, it didn't hurt anything for me to go to the game." But it was about to.

"Hurry up," was all he said. As soon as I was close enough, Vic took my wrist to prod me more quickly over to his side. "Take your pants down," he instructed.

Oh, God, I hated this part. It was horrible. Humiliating. "Do I have to?" I pleaded. "Why can't you ever spank me through my pants? It hurts just the same. It hurt this morning," I added as evidence.

Vic was unimpressed. "Obviously, not enough," he said with a long look at me. I winced. Why couldn't I have taken the hint that morning? "I should have just been late and done a more thorough job."

I scrambled. "No! It did hurt! Please let me keep my shorts on. Please?"

"Pants down, I said," Vic responded firmly with a pat to my backside, causing me to flinch.

I was panicking. I said, "See? You don't listen! You won't even answer me!" I took a step back.

"I'm listening to you, Benjamin. 'Pants down' means 'no, you can't keep them on'," Vic said. "I'm waiting."

The determination in Vic's face couldn't be denied. Overcome with emotion, I gave in. I struggled not to lose it while my fingers fumbled with my fly under my long t-shirt. I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow, my hands were able to shift my cargo shorts from my hips. With only a slight shove, gravity helped pull the cotton fabric causing my shorts to puddle around my ankles. I glanced back to Vic, my eyes begging for another chance, but Vic was anxious to get it done, apparently. I saw the horizon shift as he effortlessly tipped me off-balance and over his lap, relieving me of the pressure of having to drop my underwear. It's amazing how humbling that is, pulling down the last vestige of covering over your private parts. Butts weren't meant to be bare. That's why there are two layers of clothes over them. Then to have it poking up at the ceiling… well, you can imagine.

My toes left the floor when he put me over his lap, they always do. He typically keeps his legs spread just enough apart to stretch me out over his lap so my legs don't hang low enough for my feet to touch the floor. That is a special kind of uncomfortable. Just hanging there like that. Unlike my feet, my hands could reach the carpet, and I leaned my fingertips on the floor for balance. I wished I had something to grab onto to.

I must have been in a suitable position for him because he started to speak above me. "You've waited long enough," Vic said. I felt his fingers slip under my waistband, and one firm tug was all it took to pull my boxers down around mid-thigh.

"No, I haven't!" I screeched, in no hurry to move things along anymore.

Without pause or preliminary lectures, Vic dove right into smacking my bare behind in rapid fashion, as was his typical style. "When I tell you not to do something, that's exactly what I mean," he said, talking and spanking at the same time. "'No' doesn't mean 'maybe', it means 'no'." Vic spoke in short, sharp sentences that were anything but grammatically correct, and he punctuated himself in tone and actions. "And. You. Don't. EVER. Hang up. On. Me." Ouch! Those swats were significantly more impressive than the others. I made a mental note not to hang up on him anymore. He clearly didn't take kindly to it.

Vic returned to tossing out various definitions of "no" while he spanked. I couldn't really hear much after a few minutes over my own sobbing. I did take notice when he paused, his body shifting to pick up the paddle. My butt was already so hot, you could cook this-is-your-brain-on-drugs eggs on it. That paddle was going to HURT. I wiggled frantically, trying to get off his lap, but he must have known that was coming. His arm clamped down around my waist and I couldn't move.

Vic said, "You WILL do as I say, Benjamin." With me locked in place, he drove the pronouncement home with a stroke of the paddle, and I shot forward, clawing at Vic's slacks for leverage. SHEEE-IIITT, that hurt! I howled and Vic lectured over me. "You don't defy me," he said with another swing to the opposite cheek. The sting was intense and my body was rigid with the struggle to get up. Vic kept finding his mark, in spite of my efforts to get my hips out of the way. I felt fully drained by the time the paddling stopped.

I must have kicked my shorts and boxers half off because I felt Vic trying to straighten them while I hung over his lap. He finally succeeded, pulling them off, and helped me to my feet, but I just wanted to lie down. With watery vision, I could see the paddle lying on the bed, and I smacked it off and out of my way. It landed with a soft thump to the floor, which was distinctly quieter than when it connected with my ass moments ago. I tossed myself onto the bed in its place, crying into one folded arm, while the other reached back to hold my scarlet butt.

Vic shifted on the bed and he ran his fingers through my hair. "You're okay, Benji," he said over the crying.

"Am NOT," I bawled.

"You will be," Vic told me. He leaned over to pull off my sneakers and it was easy enough to do with my feet dangling off the side of the bed. Vic got up and went to the bathroom, and he came back a moment later. "Get up, Benji," he said.

I thought about saying "no" but decided it wasn't a good idea to make Vic think I hadn't gotten the message. Instead, I just continued to cry and lie on the bed.

Vic said, "Benjamin."

I refused to look up, still crying into my folded arms, "What?" I asked into my arms.

"Get up," he repeated.

With pain radiating all through my entire behind, I wasn't inclined to argue but so much. I slipped off the bed and stood up, my hands going immediately to my backside. Vic held my robe out to me, and I looked at it then shook my head. "Put it on, please," Vic said. I paused a second then took it roughly, putting it on as I was told. I looked up at Vic, overcome with the horrible day. I burst into renewed tears and threw myself at Vic hard enough that he had to take a step back. I clutched the front of his shirt, burying my face there.

"I'm sorry I went today. I didn't mean to make you mad at me," I said. "And, I'm sorry I didn't study, and I'm sorry I hung up on you."

"All I ask is that you learn from it, Benji. I'm not going to hold it over your head," Vic said gently. I knew he meant it. "It's going to be okay," he assured me. Even knowing it, I was comforted to hear him say it.

As I began to calm down, Vic pulled himself away, holding me back by the arms. "Pick the paddle up off the floor, Benji," he said.

That would make three times in one day I had to fool with it! "I don't want to," I protested.

"Then you shouldn't have thrown it."

Ogre. Shrek II. I choked back a sob and retrieved the paddle from the floor, looking uncertain as to what to do with it after I picked it up. I could burn it. That would work for me. My butt pulsed with the effects of the little thing. Vic held out a hand for it and I gladly laid it in his palm. He took it without a word and laid it down on the nightstand then came back to me.

He led me to the bed and he coaxed me to lie down. I crawled in on my belly. I peered up at Vic with what I was sure were red eyes and Vic kicked off his shoes. He uncharacteristically left them lying there instead of remanding them immediately to the closet. He piled up in bed beside me and I shifted to lay my head against Vic's chest. I felt his arm wrap around my shoulders. It was over. Thank God. I drew a ragged breath, and sighed against Vic contentedly. I closed my swollen eyes when Vic used his free hand to feed his fingers through my hair, an act that always calmed me down.

I was still hiccupping, although less frequently, when Vic asked, "Do you want to go downstairs to study?"

Study?! Was he serious? I was sore from the top of my crack to crease under my cheeks. I couldn't study, and more to the point, I didn't want to. I just wanted to lie there with him. "I can't study now!" I argued. "I just want to stay up here with you."

"I'll be with you downstairs, too. But, we can stay up here if that's what you want."

"I still have to study?" I asked. My eyes were still wet, and I swiped my hand across them.

Vic hugged me and said, "Yes, you do. I'll help you though. I'll call out the questions for you, how's that?"

I considered it and decided I'd rather be downstairs since being in bed meant I would likely fall asleep earlier than I wanted. "Fine. Downstairs, then."

Vic stood from the bed and helped me out as well. We were almost at the door when the phone started ringing. Vic turned back to the nightstand and said while picking up the phone. "Go ahead, I'm coming."

"I don't want to," I said. I walked gingerly over to Vic and pressed against him, unwilling to be apart even long enough for him to answer the phone.

He put an arm around me and connected the call. "Hello? Oh, hi, Nelson." I was embarrassed knowing that Nelson knew I had been spanked or would be. It didn't matter that he knew about our relationship. It still made me flush. Vic listened and answered, "He's fine. Can I call you back later?…Thanks. Talk to you soon," Vic said and hung up. He said to me as we walked toward the stairs, "That was Nelson checking on you. He was worried."

"I don't want him to check on me. It's embarrassing," I said.

"Nelson understands. You shouldn't be embarrassed with him," Vic said. "He doesn't judge you." It didn't matter, but I didn't point that out.

"I know. That's your job," I said. His arm wrapped around me as we walked.

I heard the smile in his voice when he spoke. "That's right, and don't you forget it, young man."

Like I could. "You'll remind me if I do."

"Always," Vic said.

It was only one word, but it spoke volumes giving me comfort even in the wake of the ugly consequences that were now behind me. Vic would enforce the rules "always". He would be there for me "always". No matter what I did, Vic would be there to offer support and guide me, love me, care about me… And, I would be there for him… "always".

The End

Nelson's Library