Old Desires - Chapter Two
by Nelson
Warnings: None
Author Notes: I heard the protests after Old Friends so here's the latest. I hope you enjoy!
Nelson - June 2004
Vic sat frozen on the edge of the bed. He read and re-read the note from Ben, unable to tear his eyes away. As the reality of the situation set in, his mind rushed to find the solution to the problem and get things back to normal, with Ben at home where he belonged. “Leave me alone” the note said, but was that what he meant? Vic didn’t care if he meant it or not. His first instinct was to call Ben and talk him off the ledge. He fumbled for the phone on the nightstand and dialed Ben’s cell from memory.
“Hi, this is Ben; I can’t take your call…” Vic disconnected when he heard the voicemail message, disappointed, but not surprised that Ben didn’t answer. He dialed again and waited for the message to finish then he left one of his own.
“Benji, I’m not sure what’s going on here. We need to talk. Please call me as soon as you get this message. I don’t care if you call in the middle of night. Just call.” Vic hung up and stared at the phone for answers, but it offered none.
He dialed another number from memory, and after three rings, Nelson answered the phone. “Nelson? Is Ben there?” Vic asked, skipping the formalities.
Nelson could hear the urgency in Vic’s voice and knew immediately that there was a problem. “Not this time, Vic. What’s wrong?”
“He’s gone, he’s gone for real,” Vic blurted. “I don’t know what happened. I mean I know I was working a lot, but he knew I was wrapping that up. I just…I can’t understand…”
“Hang on, Vic. Just calm down a minute. You know he didn’t leave the country. Wait just a second,” Nelson said in his usual calm manner. He tipped the phone under his chin and spoke to Zach, his slightly-muffled voice still reaching Vic. “Zach? Do you know where Ben is?”
Vic couldn’t hear Zach’s response as distinctly as Nelson’s question, but Nelson’s comments told him that Zach had no idea where Ben was. “No, he’s not at home. That’s why Vic is calling. Did he say anything to you?” Nelson paused and Vic heard Zach’s voice again in the background. “Nothing?” Nelson asked him. He lifted the phone back to his lips and said to Vic, “Zach doesn’t know where he is.”
“Oh, God, Nelson. He’s gone. He took all his stuff, and even Maggie. I don’t know what I’m going to do,” he said.
“I’m sure you’ve tried to call him,” Nelson suggested.
“Yes, no answer, but then I didn’t think he would.” Vic fell quiet, stunned beyond words other than ramblings about Ben’s disappearance.
“Okay, let me get Zach to try. Maybe he’ll answer when he sees it’s him.”
“I doubt it. He’ll know why Zach’s calling,” Vic said knowing Ben only too well.
“We’ll try anyway. Listen, stay there. We’ll be over in a minute and see what we can come up with, okay?” Nelson’s voice had a commanding tone that somehow made Vic feel better.
“Okay. I’ll be here,” Vic said.
Vic hung up the phone from having tried Ben yet again. He hoped at least for the call to go straight to voicemail, thinking that would mean Zach got through. He listened to the beginning of Ben’s outgoing message over and over from his same seat on the bed, having been unable to do more than continue to try Ben.
The doorbell resonated through the house, being the first thing able to move Vic from the bed since he sat down after reading the note. It was still clutched in his hands as he descended the stairs to let Nelson and Zach in. He opened the door, and felt relief flood through him, just to have someone help shoulder his burden. Zach’s face was twisted with worry and his eyes were glassy as though he had been crying or trying not to. “Come on in,” Vic said.
Nelson stepped inside and hugged his longtime friend in a tight grip, and Vic had to swallow tears of his own. “It’s going to be okay, buddy,” Nelson assured him. “We’ll find him.”
Vic didn’t release Nelson until he had his emotions under control. Zach asked, “Did he leave that note?” seeing the paper clutched in Vic’s hand.
“Yes,” Vic said, and without asking for it, Zach snatched it from him, reading the words and the hurt between the lines that his best friend had written. Nelson gently took it from Zach and read it for himself.
He handed it back to Vic and suggested, “Why don’t we sit down?” He put an arm around Zach who seemed to be taking the news almost as hard as Vic.
They went to the living room and sat down to discuss the situation. “Let’s see what we know,” Nelson said, taking control of the situation. “Did he say anything, anything at all, at school today that might tell us where he is?” he asked Zach.
“He wasn’t at school today. I called him at lunch when he didn’t show,” Zach recalled. “He just said he wasn’t feeling good, so he didn’t come. He sounded stuffy, so I just figured he had a cold or something… I guess he had been crying.”
Vic shook his head, mad at himself. “I’m sure he was. I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. I should have been more in touch with him and how he felt.”
“Yes, you should have!” Zach accused.
“Zachary,” Nelson said softly and put his arm around his shoulders. “I know you’re upset and so is Vic. This isn’t the time to point fingers.”
“Well, he should have,” Zach said, his eyes searching Nelson’s. They were quickly filling with moisture as he spoke. “He’s been leaving him home alone for weeks now to be with that guy.”
“Shhh,” Nelson said. He leaned over and kissed Zach’s head. “That’s in the past. We need to deal with the present.”
Vic was purely miserable, and it showed on his face. “He’s right,” he said quietly.
“Vic, what I said to Zach goes for you, too. We’re not going to dwell on what led to him leaving, just on what to do to find him.” He paused and looked hard at Vic. Vic looked away and nodded, still obviously consumed with guilt, whether he said so or not. “All right. Let’s think about where he would go if he didn’t come to our house.”
The three sat quietly with their own thoughts and finally Zach said, “Well, he has to stay somewhere. He can’t live out of his car with Maggie, so he must have gone to a motel.”
“There are too many for us to do a drive-by at every hotel and motel in this city,” Nelson said.
Vic stood up, and said, “I’m willing to do it.”
“Vic, sit down, please. We’ll never find him that way.”
Vic’s own temper flashed and he said, “I’m not sitting around here doing nothing!” He started digging for his keys and Nelson stood up, placing a hand on his forearm.
“Vic, sit down, I said.”
“Nelson…!” he started.
“Sit. Down,” Nelson repeated in a tone Zach recognized. Vic hesitated and saw enough determination in his friend’s eyes that he sat down. Once Vic had sat down, Nelson did the same. “We don’t know that he’s at a motel. The fact is, we don’t know where he is.”
“He didn’t answer when Zach tried to call?” Vic asked.
“No,” Nelson said. “He didn’t. You left him a message, didn’t you?” he asked Zach.
“Yes,” Zach said. His troubled look concerned Nelson and he pulled him close with his arm around him. “It’s going to be fine,” Nelson said for both his brat and Vic. “No matter how upset he is, I can’t imagine he’ll drop out of school. You should at least see him there even if we can’t find him tonight.”
“He won’t go tomorrow,” Vic said. “I’m sure of it.”
“No,” Zach agreed. “He’ll be upset.”
“I think we should check some motels,” Vic said to Nelson, still pushing for his original plan.
“Maybe he’s just trying to make a point. Get your attention,” Nelson said.
“He took everything!” Vic stormed, jumping immediately to his feet. “His clothes, his DOG…he’s NOT coming back, Nelson!”
“Vic…” Nelson said.
“What?! He’s NOT. Okay? I need to find him,” Vic said.
“There’s no need to yell at me,” Nelson said. “It won’t solve a thing.” Hearing Nelson’s gentle reprimand, Vic sat back into the chair feeling guilty not only for how he treated Ben, but for lashing out at his friend.
Vic’s shoulders slumped and he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, cradling his head in his hands. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do.”
Nelson leaned forward, letting go of Zach long enough to squeeze Vic’s shoulder. “I know.” Nelson said, “Why don’t we CALL some hotels and motels in the area? We can at least try that.”
“That’s fine,” Vic said with his head still in his hands. “But, I’m going out looking for him as soon as you leave.”
Nelson shook his head and raised his brows. “I can’t stop you, but I don’t think that will do anything but give you something to do. I highly doubt you’ll just run across him.”
“At least I’ll feel like I’m doing something to find him other than chat about it,” Vic said.
Nelson ignored him, realizing most of his tone was born out of stress and upset. He stood and went to the kitchen to get the handset of the cordless phone and pulled the phonebook out from under the base. He touched Vic’s shoulder to get his attention when he returned and handed him the phonebook. “You call out the numbers and we’ll make the calls. Zach can use his cell and I’ll use the cordless.” Vic looked up at him then down to the outstretched phonebook. He sighed and took the book, flipping to the yellow pages.
Nothing had worked. Calling motels, driving through the city, leaving messages – nothing found Ben. As they expected, he didn’t go to school the next day. Zach was on the lookout for him Monday, since he knew Ben would have had the whole weekend to recuperate from the emotional trauma of the week before. He had hoped Ben would turn up at home after he had time to settle down, but it didn’t happen. Lunch came and went with no sign of Ben. Having not seen him anywhere on campus throughout the day, Zach tried one last place – the picnic tables under the trees where they liked to study when weather permitted.
As he rounded the courtyard, he saw the distinct outline and posture of his friend, hunched over his books. Zach marched over to Ben, angry for the worry he had caused all weekend, but relieved to finally see him.
“What the fuck is going on with you?!” he demanded as soon as he was close. Ben looked around at Zach who stood beside him with a hand on his hip and his bookbag over one shoulder. “I should knock the shit out of you!”
“Hello to you, too,” Ben said nonchalantly, and turned back to his books.
“Asshole,” Zach said with a shove to Ben’s shoulder. He sat down beside him and hugged him abruptly with relief taking anger’s place. “You scared me.” Ben looked uncomfortable with the unusual sign of affection from his friend and his face flushed.
“Sorry. I just needed to be alone,” Ben said.
“Even from me?” Zach asked with hurt in his voice. “We didn’t know where you were, or if you were okay…”
“I didn’t want anyone to know where I was. Did you burn up all your daytime minutes leaving me messages?” Ben asked. “I only had about 10 of them.”
“Well, if you had bothered to call me back…” Zach pointed out.
Ben turned toward Zach and said, “I couldn’t. I just needed some time. Alone.”
“Well, you got that,” Zach said bitterly. “Are you ready to go home, now?”
Ben looked at Zach, shaking his head. “I’m not going home. I have a new home, now.”
“Ben! You have to go home! Vic is messed up, I mean really messed up,” Zach said remembering Thursday night. “I thought Nelson was going to spank him,” he said trying to lighten the tense atmosphere. It didn’t even raise a smile.
“I don’t care what he does,” Ben said.
“Would you go home if he did? I’ll talk to Nelson. I think he can take him,” Zach said. That got the barest hint of a smile so Zach added, “After Nelson’s finished with him, I can promise he’ll think twice about leaving you alone ever again.”
Ben smiled, but shook his head. “It doesn’t matter now.”
“You have to go home,” Zach said again.
“I don’t have to do anything anymore,” he said.
Zach asked, “Is that part of why you left? You’re sick of the discipline?”
Ben looked at him not believing what he heard. “Give me a break. If that were going to run me off, I would have left long ago. At least when he was doing that, I knew he cared.”
“What do you mean?”
“I stayed out late on purpose the other night, just to show him how it felt. He came home AFTER me! He didn’t even know I had been out late.”
Zach knew that was definitely not the norm. “You should talk to him, Benji. Really. He’s upset.”
“Welcome to my world,” Ben said, turning back to his books.
Zach watched a couple kissing across the way and tried to think of a way to get his friends back together. It wasn’t going to happen anytime soon from Ben’s comments. “Do you have to be so stubborn? I don’t know who’s worse, you or Vic.”
“Vic,” Ben said immediately without glancing up.
“It’s a toss-up if you ask me. Where are you staying?” Zach asked.
Ben tore his eyes from his books and looked suspiciously at Zach. “Like I’m going to tell you. You’ll run right back to Vic with my address, so no, thank you.”
“No, I won’t!” Zach defended himself, knowing full well that he planned to do just that. “What if I need to find you?”
“You’ll see me at school,” Ben said.
“Oh, really?” Zach asked sarcastically. “So, why did I have to track you down out here? Huh? Where were you at lunch where we ALWAYS meet?”
“I wasn’t hungry,” Ben said.
“Never stopped you before. You broke up with Vic, not me, Asshole.”
“I won’t avoid you at school, okay? Is that enough to get you off my back?”
“No,” Zach said. “Where are you staying?”
“I’m not telling you,” Ben said. “I have to get this done.” He looked back at his books to dismiss Zach, intending to halt the present conversation.
“Fine, hardhead. How much longer are you studying?” Zach asked.
“About a half-hour should do it,” Ben said.
“Well, I’m going home. Call if you need me?” Zach said.
“I’m fine.”
“CALL me,” Zach demanded as he stood up.
Ben frowned up at his friend and said, “All right, I’ll call if I need you.”
“See you later, Ben. Think about what I said.”
Ben just shook his head and returned to his studies.
“He’s living at the Sparkling Pond apartments on 5th street,” Zach said, serving himself a healthy heaping of squash.
“How do you know?” Vic asked.
“Sherlock Holmes followed him today after nagging for the information didn’t work,” Nelson said. “Pass your plate, Vic.”
Vic handed his plate to Nelson for some meatloaf and said, “That part of town is a dump. I can’t believe he’s living there.”
“Yep,” Zach said. “But, it’s cheap. He must be getting money from his mother like he used to.”
Vic nodded. “He must be. Has he tried to get a job yet?”
“I have no idea,” Zach said, holding his plate toward Nelson. “He’s afraid to tell me anything because he thinks I’ll tell you. Suspicious, much?”
“Well, you DID come right home and tell us where he’s living,” Nelson pointed out.
Zach shrugged. “And, I’ll do it again, if it will get the two of them back together. He’s just hurt and upset. I know he is.”
“I’m not sure,” Vic said. “If he were just trying to make a point, he wouldn’t have leased an apartment.”
“When are you going to get him, Vic?” Zach asked.
Nelson and Vic exchanged looks and Vic said gently, “I’m not going to get him, Zach.”
Zach’s mouth opened and he frowned across the table. “What?! You have to!”
“I can’t make him stay with me. It’s his choice,” Vic said.
“Since when do you not MAKE him do something you want him to do?” Zach snapped.
“That’s different, Zach,” Nelson explained. “What you’re talking about is enforcement of pre-established rules within the confines of a relationship. This is something totally different.”
“No, it isn’t! He’s throwing a major tantrum. That’s against the rules,” Zach said. “Go get him, Vic!”
“Zachary, eat,” Nelson said, nodding toward his plate. “Vic isn’t dragging him home.”
“Why not?!” Zach demanded. “If I had known you weren’t going to do anything, I wouldn’t have told you where he was! He wants to come home.”
Vic looked up hopefully, “Did he say that?”
Zach studied his plate, and said, “Well…not exactly…But, I know he wants to!” His eyes begged Vic to step in and do what Zach thought would be best.
Vic shook his head. “I can’t do that to him. I won’t do it to him.”
“Why not?!”
“Zach, drop it. It’s time to eat,” Nelson said.
Zach shoved his plate away and said, “I’m not hungry anymore.”
Nelson reached over and slid the plate back toward Zach. “I said to eat. Now, calm down.”
With his eyes fixed on Vic, Zach ignored Nelson’s request and said, “Maybe Ben’s right. You DON’T care about him.”
Nelson was on his feet in a flash with Zach’s upper arm in his grasp. He pulled him to his feet and walked him stiffly out the kitchen door, Zach protesting the whole time. “It’s true! Why am I in trouble for saying what you know?”
Vic listened as the arguing voice trailed out of the kitchen until he could no longer understand the words. He moved his own plate away from him and held his head in his hands. A few minutes later, Nelson returned to the kitchen, Zachless. “I’m sorry about that, Vic,” Nelson said as he sat back down at the table. “He’s just upset. This whole situation has him torn up. He’ll apologize when I bring him back in here.” Nelson picked up his fork and noticed Vic’s untouched plate. “Don’t tell me you need some time in the corner, too,” Nelson said. “I have others.”
Vic shook his head and looked down. “I’m just not hungry.”
“Not going to work, Vic. Eat,” Nelson said firmly.
“Damn it,” Vic said. “When did you get so bossy with me?”
“When I saw you needed it,” Nelson said. With a grin he added, “And, watch your mouth before I get the soap.”
Vic pulled his plate back to him but didn’t eat; he was sure he would throw up if he did. “Next thing I know, you’ll be threatening to put me over your lap,” he grumbled in Nelson’s direction.
Nelson laughed and said, “Actually, Zach thought it might be a good idea.”
Vic looked at Nelson, mouth gaping and said, “I don’t think so.”
“Don’t worry. Your butt is safe with me…” he said, pointing his fork toward Vic’s plate, “unless I have to tell you to eat again.” He smiled at Vic who picked up his fork and tried to do as he was asked.
Vic parked at Sparkling Springs after a quick sweep through the parking lot, not finding Ben’s car. He watched with disappointment as another car pulled in that wasn’t Ben. He settled back in the driver’s seat, waiting with anticipation for Ben to show up, which he ultimately did. He saw Ben park the car in front of building two, and his heart panged with regret when Ben went inside alone, wearing a Circuit City polo shirt. “He has a job,” Vic said to himself. Emotion warred within him as he debated following him inside before reason took over and he pulled away.
Nelson answered Zach’s cell and heard Ben’s voice as soon as he picked up. “Tell your friend to quit stalking me. It’s against the law.”
“Benji?” Nelson asked.
Ben was surprised to hear Nelson’s voice instead of Zach’s. “Nelson,” he said. “I was looking for Zach.”
“Zach’s in bed early tonight,” Nelson said. “How are you, Sweetheart?”
“Fine,” Ben said. “I have to go.”
“Wait a second,” Nelson said. “Talk to me for a minute.”
“I don’t want to. Sorry, Nelson,” Ben replied.
“Come on, Ben. I’m not the enemy here.”
“Well, you’re friends with the enemy,” Ben pointed out.
“I’m your friend, too, Benji,” he said. He was relieved when Ben didn’t hang up. “What’s the problem?”
“I know Zach has been running home telling you everything, so don’t even act like you don’t know.”
“I’d like to hear it from you,” Nelson said, not denying the fact.
“Look, it’s over, okay? He obviously cares more about spending time with Reese, so now, he can feel free to do it as much as he wants.”
“That’s not who he wants to be with, and you know it.”
"Could have fooled me,” Ben said. “You can tell him for me to quit hanging around here. If I wanted to talk to him, I would have.”
“You’re just going to toss a relationship that’s almost two years old?”
“I’m not the one who ‘tossed’ it,” Ben said.
“Sweetheart, Vic loves you. He would like nothing better right now than to turn back time and make this right.”
“Too late,” Ben said. “I have to go.”
“Ben…” Nelson started saying, when he heard the connection end. He looked at the dead phone, and shook his head.
It had been a week with no change in sight, and Zach decided he needed to take matters into his own hands since no one else seemed to be doing anything. Nelson said, “I invited Vic over for dinner again tonight. I’m afraid if I don’t keep him busy, he’ll never leave the house. Besides, his car’s in the shop and it won’t be ready until after six.”
“I’ll invite Ben over, too,” Zach said cautiously, watching for Nelson’s reaction.
“You aren’t doing that, Zach. You can invite him over for dinner tomorrow, but you aren’t playing games with them.”
“I’m NOT playing games. I’m being deadly serious! It’s time for this whole stupid thing to end, Nelson.”
“You heard me,” he said, buttoning his dress shirt. He reached into the closet for a tie and pulled one out, wrapping it around his upturned collar. “They don’t need us complicating things further.”
“It’s not complicating things,” Zach said, pulling on his shoes. “It’s helping.”
“It’s not helping. It’s interfering,” Nelson said to the mirror. He crossed the ends of his tie in front of him and tied a knot. “They don’t need that from us right now.”
“When will they need it?” Zach asked, lacing his shoes.
“Never. They are adults. They don’t need us to do anything more than support them.” Nelson finished with his tie and went to Zach sitting sullenly on the bed. He turned Zach’s face up and kissed him. “I know this is hard on you, Sweet Pea, but we need to stay out of it.”
Zach wasn’t convinced. “I don’t agree.”
“You don’t have to agree. Just do as I said,” Nelson said with another quick peck. “I need to go. I’ll pick up pizza for dinner. I’ll see you tonight.”
Zach watched his adamant lover leave the room, not happy with the command to stay out of it.
"Come on, Ben. It’s pizza. You like pizza,” Zach said.
“I like pizza, but I don’t want Nelson trying to discuss things with me. I haven’t seen him since we broke up.”
“He won’t! I promise, I’ll kick him under the table if he does. Please?” Zach pleaded.
“I don’t know…” Ben said.
Zach shoved him slightly and said, “What? Are you never coming over again?”
Ben rolled his eyes and said, “No, I’ll come over. I just don’t think I’m ready right now.”
“There’s no time like the present. Come on, Ben.”
“I have to work this afternoon,” Ben said.
“Even better. Come right after work, because you’ll be too tired to cook. Come on,” Zach pushed.
Ben shook his head, finally giving in. “All right. I’ll be there by 6:00.”
“Good. We’ll eat at 6:30,” Zach said.
Zach had finished his homework and was trying to watch television while he waited for Nelson and Vic to get there. He nervously checked the time, hoping the two of them would show up before Ben. Movement in the driveway caught his eye and he jumped up when he saw Nelson’s SUV pulling into the driveway.
“Zach?” Nelson called out, moments later, and Zach appeared in the kitchen doorway.
“Hi, Nelson. Good to see you, Vic,” he said. He and Nelson met halfway across the kitchen and Nelson caught him with one arm, while he balanced the pizza in his other hand.
He kissed Zach and said, “Hi, Sweet Pea. Hungry for pepperoni?”
“Hungry for anything on a pizza shell,” Zach said. He glanced at the clock: 5:50. His stomach fluttered nervously, hoping things would all work out once Vic and Ben were face to face. His stomach took a leap when the doorbell rang and Zach quickly said, “I’ll get it.”
Vic took a seat at the table as Nelson put three cans of soda on the table. “I’ll just grab some napkins and we’ll be ready to eat,” Nelson said.
Both he and Vic looked up when they heard voices in the dining room, coming toward the kitchen. The door swung open and Zach walked through, followed closely by Ben. The room went still as Ben and Vic simultaneously processed that the other one was there.
Ben’s temper flashed and he shoved Zach hard against the kitchen cabinets. “You asshole! You had NO right to fuck around with me!” He wheeled around on his heel and stormed out of the kitchen. Vic and Nelson both shot up from the table immediately and Nelson followed Ben out, giving Zach a nasty look on his way by.
“Ben!” he shouted after him.
Zach and Vic stood stock still in the kitchen, neither quite sure what to do. Finally, Zach looked over at Vic and said, “I’m sorry. I just thought…”
“You didn’t think!” Vic said sharply. “I hurt him enough. He didn’t need it from you, too.” Vic found his feet and followed Nelson outside. He heard the squeal of tires as he stepped out onto the porch, and saw Ben tearing out of the driveway. Nelson turned away and stopped short when he saw Vic on the porch.
“I couldn’t get him to stay. I’m sorry, Vic,” Nelson said, approaching his friend. “Sorry I couldn’t get him to stay and sorry for Zach’s part in this.”
Vic searched the yard with his hands on his hips, shaking his head. “I need to go. Sorry about dinner,” he said. “Can you just take me to pick up my car? I had the mechanic leave the keys under the floor mat…”
Nelson nodded understanding. “Sure. Let me get my keys,” Nelson said, passing Vic on his way inside. He saw Zach hanging around the kitchen door uncertainly, and his head dropped when Nelson looked at him. “I have to take Vic to get his car. You can wait for me upstairs.”
“Nelson, I didn’t mean…” Zach said.
“Go on,” Nelson said cutting him off. He stood in the doorway between the living room and hall, waiting for Zach to go upstairs. Nelson kept his eyes on his lover, who studied the carpet as he took heavy feet to the stairs. Nelson followed him into the hallway, grabbed his keys from the table, and went out to Vic. “Okay, let’s go.”
Zach sat on his hands on the bed, waiting to hear Nelson return, and worked on his explanation. He thought he had it down pat when he heard the SUV in the driveway. His stomach twisted and he listened for the opening and closing sound of the front door. He heard Nelson’s keys clank to the hall tabletop, and Nelson wasted no time, immediately hitting the stairs.
Zach turned puppy dog eyes on his lover as soon as he saw him in the doorway. Nelson didn’t seem to even notice. “Come downstairs and eat. We’ll deal with this after dinner.”
That meant Zach probably wouldn’t feel like eating afterward. Great. He stood slowly and came toward Nelson, dipping his head as he passed by. He tried to choke the cold pizza down, as slowly as he could, knowing dessert wasn’t going to be anything he wanted. Nelson had to prompt him to eat several times, but he picked at his food more than he ate it. “Are you finished?” Nelson asked.
Zach nodded his head while the pizza in his stomach tried to decide whether to stay or go. Nelson pushed away from the table and pointed to the kitchen corner wordlessly. Zach turned his eyes up to Nelson and said, “Nelson, I…”
“I don’t want to hear it right now,” Nelson said with his finger still pointing toward the corner of the room. Zach stood up and went to where Nelson indicated, dejected at his predicament, and mad that his plan hadn’t worked. He knew Nelson would let him have his say, since a long talk almost always preceded any punishment he had coming. He listened as Nelson cleaned up behind him, and he was summoned from the corner all too soon.
“Come here, Zach,” Nelson said.
Zach turned around to see Nelson standing by the table, a chair pulled out for Zach. He sat down and waited for the axe to fall. It swung, cutting through the air with Nelson’s sharp words. “Clearly your idea of ‘stay out of it’ and mine are starkly different things. How was what you did at all like leaving them alone?”
“I had to do it,” Zach said.
“You most certainly did NOT have to do it. Did you see how hurt Ben was?” Nelson’s eyebrows were bunched together from the frown on his face. “Did you?”
Zach nodded, looking at his hands in his lap. “I didn’t expect him to react like that. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just thought if they saw each other…”
“They’d what? Go rushing into each other’s arms like long-lost lovers at the end of a chick flick? Doves flying all around?” Zach shook his head hard at Nelson’s words, his sarcasm speaking volumes for how he felt. “What then?”
“I thought they’d at least talk. That’s all. I was trying to help,” Zach said, his voice cracking. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I wanted to help,” he appealed again.
“I know you didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt. I told you to stay out of it for this very reason, and you didn’t listen to me.”
“I did listen, but…” Zach said.
“But, what?”
“I thought everything would get worked out, and then you couldn’t be mad at me for getting involved. Everyone would win.”
“And, you’d be the hero,” Nelson added.
“That’s not what I was trying to do!” Zach exclaimed, facing Nelson. His chin quivered and hurt filled his eyes. “I was thinking of them, not ME.”
Nelson pulled a chair out and sat next to Zach, pulling him to his chest. “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings.”
“Well, you DID.”
“I’m sorry. But, it annoys me that you deliberately got involved when I told you not to, and both Vic and Ben were hurt by it. You have to start thinking, Zachary.”
“I WAS thinking. I was thinking about them. I didn’t plan on hurting anyone,” he said against Nelson’s shoulder.
“I know you didn’t,” he said, and pulled Zach away from him. He brushed Zach’s hair off his brow and kissed him. “I know this has been hard for you to watch and you want it all back to normal.”
"I do,” Zach said.
“So do I, but we can’t control this. Or, force it either,” Nelson said calmly. “This is something they need to work out. If it ever works out,” he added. “You need to prepare yourself that this could be over for them.”
“I don’t want it to be.”
“I don’t either, but it’s out of our hands,” he said. “And, that includes interfering.”
“I’m sorry,” Zach said, even as Nelson pulled him to his feet.
“You’re telling the wrong person, Zachary. But, you WILL tell the right people the next chance you get. Ben and Vic deserve an apology.”
“I know. But, I’m sorry I did it after you said to leave it alone, too. I really am.”
“I appreciate that, but you’re still going to be punished. Pull your pants down and put your palms on the seat of the chair,” Nelson said.
Zach’s eyes went to Nelson’s waist and watched him work at the buckle of his belt. “Nelson! Noooo!”
“I’m sorry, Zach. This was serious. Feelings got hurt,” Nelson said, pulling his belt through the loops of his pants.
“I’ve hurt feelings before and didn’t get the belt, though!” Zach protested, his eyes begging forgiveness.
“Zachary, hurry up,” Nelson said, unmoving. “Pants down and bend over.”
“I don’t want you to do it,” Zach said with a downcast expression.
“You knew you were in trouble when you arranged for Ben to come here, knowing Vic would be here, too.”
“I didn’t know I would get the belt!” Zach blurted.
Nelson surveyed Zach with mild surprise. “So, you thought whatever else you might get would make it all worth it?” Nelson asked with narrowed eyes.
“If it got the two of them back together, then yes,” Zach said, not ashamed of his intentions or sacrifice. “But, I thought you might let me off if my plan worked.”
“Since when have I ever ‘let you off’ when I knew you disobeyed me?”
"I was hoping…,” Zach said. “But, even if you didn’t, if they got back together, so be it.” His eyes widened, and his resolve disintegrated as Nelson folded the belt over in his right palm then pointed at the chair with the hateful thing. Zach tried one more time, “Nelson…”
“Pants down,” Nelson said, still pointing at the chair. “Let’s go.”
He sighed with defeat, and turned his back on Nelson with an unintentional stomp of one foot. “It’s not fair,” he complained. “I shouldn’t be spanked for trying to help my friends.”
“I think you know it’s fair,” Nelson commented as he took up the space directly to Zach’s left. “You’re being spanked for disobedience, and you know it. Vic and Ben are hurting right now. I asked you not to interfere, but you did it anyway. This is as fair as it can be,” Nelson said.
“But, I was trying to HELP!” Zach said, turning back toward Nelson. His voice was higher since his throat was constricted, as he tried not to cry. “Isn’t that worth SOMEthing?”
“Pull them down,” Nelson said in response, failing to see the value or swaying power of how trying to help could offset blatant disobedience.
Zach turned back around, and worked his jeans off his hips. With a tremor in his hands, he lowered his boxers after a quick look over his shoulder told him Nelson was just as determined as he he’d ever seen him. Nelson put his hand to Zach’s shoulder and pushed him until he bent over and placed his palms on the seat of the kitchen chair.
“I had no idea it would turn out like – WAIT!” Zach yelped in protest when Nelson tugged the back of his boxers that were still at mid-thigh.
“The outcome is not the issue,” Nelson said, working Zach’s boxers down until they reached his knees. “Although, it wasn’t pretty, I’ll grant you. You were told not to interfere, and that’s the issue.” Nelson put one hand on Zach’s shoulder for stability, and Zach’s cheeks clenched when Nelson tapped the belt against his thighs. “Step up,” Nelson said. Zach was bent over with his legs at a 45-degree angle, which kept his butt from being properly rounded, until he stepped forward against his pants at Nelson’s request. A split second after he was in position, Nelson brought the folded belt expertly down on Zach’s presented backside, catching him just across the upper crest of his buttocks.
“Ahh!” Zach hissed through his teeth at the sting, and could tell by the first lick that this wasn’t going to be any prettier than the fiasco he contributed to. “I didn’t mean to hurt…” Zach was saying just as the belt cut him off with a second stroke, landing squarely across both cheeks. Nelson had an accuracy for which marksmen would give their eyeteeth, and the second stripe landed just below the first, as he worked his way down. The third swing came too fast behind the second, and Zach barely recovered his breath before it fell. He gulped at the air, while the fiery sting tried to steal his breath; he needed it for the sobs that erupted by the fourth swing.
Nelson kept covering Zach’s behind with steady, methodical purpose. Zach arched his back and bent his legs, trying to duck the swings until Nelson had to wrap his left arm around Zach’s waist to hold him in place. “Pleeeease,” Zach begged, wishing for it to be over, but Nelson refused to stop until he considered it finished, regardless of Zach’s protests or tears. Zach’s cries reached new highs when Nelson gave a little attention to his upper legs before stopping.
Nelson pulled Zach up from his bent-over posture and Zach stood up stiffly. He squeezed his eyes shut and touched his backside, crying too much to speak, not that he had anything to say. Nelson gripped him to his chest and hugged him with one arm, the belt still clutched in his other hand. He held Zach until he calmed down enough for him to let go and put his belt back on. Zach rubbed the tears that remained on his wet cheeks and that hadn’t rubbed off on Nelson’s shirt, while he watched Nelson put the leather back around his waist.
As soon as Nelson had buckled it back on, he pulled Zach back to him and spoke quietly. “You’ll be okay. I’ve got you,” he whispered.
“I’m sor-ry,” he said with hitching breaths. “I… I really was try-trying to help.”
“I know you were, Sweet Pea,” Nelson consoled him, and slipped his pants up. They went to their usual comfort place, Nelson pulling Zach into his lap, sitting in the big chair.
Several long minutes later, Zach was past the worse of his sniffling when the doorbell rang. He turned a worry-filled face up to Nelson and shifted slightly, carefully, in his lap. “Someone’s here,” he announced in a whisper as though the ringer could hear him.
“I know,” Nelson said gently, kissing his head. “Hop up, Sweet Pea, let me see who it is.”
“I’m going in the kitchen,” Zach said, wanting no part of facing anyone with his red eyes any time soon. He walked delicately out of the living room as fast as the stripes on his behind would let him, and disappeared into the kitchen.
Nelson looked out the side window and saw Vic’s SUV in the driveway. He was surprised to see him again that evening, especially after the big dinner fiasco. Nelson pulled the door open after making sure Zach had made it to the kitchen, and said, “Hi, Vic. Come on in.”
Vic was obviously troubled, as was clear by his expression and furrowed brow. He stepped through the door, and Nelson walked ahead of him into the living room, offering him a seat. “Are you okay?” Nelson asked.
Vic shook his head. “No. I’m not okay. I’m not going to be okay for a long time unless he comes home. Seeing him tonight…” Vic’s voice trailed off.
“I’m sorry about that. Zach owes you an apology. He’ll give you one when he feels more like it,” Nelson said. “I doubt he’s up to it tonight.”
“I know he meant well,” Vic said. “It hurt like hell to see Ben leave alone and know he wasn’t going home to our house.” Nelson was quiet, letting Vic talk and get things off his chest. Vic leaned his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers together. “It’s killing me, Nelson, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
Nelson reached out and laid a hand on Vic’s forearm. “I know. I wish there was something we could do.”
Vic nodded and looked around in time to see Zach peering through a crack in the kitchen door. Zach closed the door when he realized he was caught. “I think someone might want to come in here,” Vic said.
Nelson looked over his shoulder at the closed kitchen door, and said, “I doubt it. He probably thinks you’re mad at him.”
“He was looking in here, but he closed the door when I caught him,” Vic said, studying his hands again. “I’m not mad at him.”
“Give me a minute,” Nelson said after a moment’s thought. He strode into the kitchen and found Zach huddled away from the door, with his arms hugging his middle. Nelson put his arm around Zach’s shoulders and asked, “Do you feel like coming out?”
“Hardly,” Zach said.
“He’s not mad,” Nelson informed him.
“Yes, he is. He must be,” Zach said.
Nelson kissed his head and whispered in his ear, “No, he’s not. He told me so.” Zach leaned against Nelson and tried to absorb what he just said, and decide if he believed it. Nelson said, “You’ll feel better after you apologize.”
Zach looked at Nelson in worried shock. “You aren’t going to make me do that tonight, are you?”
“I won’t make you tonight, but you’ll feel better if you do,” Nelson said. “I’ll be right with you, if you want to get it over with.”
“I don’t feel that bad,” Zach lied. Nelson cut his eyes at him and Zach said, “Well, I don’t. I’d rather apologize on the phone where he can’t glare at me. Later.” He sniffed trying to clear his nasal passages that were swollen from crying.
Nelson chuckled softly and said, “He won’t glare at you. If he does, I’ll get you out of the room, but I know he won’t.”
“He’ll know I got in trouble if he sees me tonight. My face…my eyes are all puffy…my nose is stuffed up…” Zach said.
“You think he doesn’t already suspect that you got spanked?” Nelson asked.
“Did you say something to him?!” he demanded.
“No, I did not.” He moved his arm to Zach’s waist and pushed them toward the door, Zach moving with him despite his earlier argument. “But, you aren’t in one of these relationships without figuring some things out,” Nelson finished. They got in front of the door and Zach stiffened. “Zach? Are you coming?”
He looked uneasily at Nelson and barely nodded. He let Nelson lead him to the living room and relaxed a bit when Vic didn’t glare at him, just as Nelson promised. In fact, he barely seemed to notice Zach had come into the room. Nelson pulled him into his lap, not caring that Vic was sitting there, knowing Zach could be positioned more comfortably there than in any other chair in the room.
Zach cringed when Vic glanced at him, but relaxed a bit when he went back to looking at his hands. Nelson put his lips to Zach’s ear, and said quietly, “Go ahead.” He took the opportunity of having his lips that close to Zach’s skin to kiss the tip of his ear after he spoke.
Zach looked up at him apprehensively, and Nelson gave him a nod of encouragement. Zach said, “Um, Vic?” Vic looked over at him mildly, his mind seeming to be in another place. Zach continued, “I’m sorry. I hoped you’d get back together if you just saw each other. It’s been a whole week, and I thought… I just wanted…”
"It’s okay,” Vic said, ending Zach’s torment. “I appreciate the thought, but this is something we have to work out.”
Zach smiled a little in relief at Vic’s genuinely forgiving tone and said, “That’s what Nelson said… kind of loudly.”
Vic glanced at Nelson who was busy hugging Zach in support. Vic said, “I wanted to ask you a favor.”
Zach looked at him while leaning against Nelson. “What?” he asked curiously.
Vic reached into his jacket and produced an envelope. “Would you see if you could get him to take this? I’m not even trying email; I’m sure he has me blocked. He still won’t answer my calls…”
Zach sat up quickly and winced slightly as he leaned over for the envelope. “You know I’ll help.” He looked back at Nelson and asked, “It’s okay if they ask me to help, right?”
Nelson nodded and said, “Absolutely.”
“Then, I’ll give it to him tomorrow the first chance I get.” Zach held the envelope to his chest protectively.
“Ben! Wait up!” Zach said breathlessly as he ran to catch up to Ben.
“Go jump, asshole,” Ben muttered without looking at Zach. He kept walking, not even slowing for Zach to keep up. Zach grabbed the back of his jacket and Ben had to stop. Ben whirled around and stared hard at Zach. “What the fuck do you want?”
“I want to talk to you. Please?” Zach said.
“You’ve done enough. I don’t want to talk to you.”
“So, you dump your boyfriend of almost two years and your best friend of four, just like that?” he asked with a snap of his fingers. “What the fuck is WRONG with you?”
“Leave me alone,” Ben griped, turning his back on Zach again.
“Just a minute!” Zach said. He paced his steps faster than Ben’s and turned in front of him so he’d have to stop. Ben grunted in frustration and tried to step around Zach, who took a matching step, stopping him again. “Just stop!”
“Get out of my way, before I move you,” Ben said.
“I’m sorry, okay? I was trying to help,” Zach said, still blocking Ben.
“You’re trying, all right,” Ben said. “It’s none of your business.”
“It IS my business!” Zach fumed. “YOU are MY friend, that makes it MY business.” Ben didn’t erase the scowl directed at Zach, but he did stop trying to sidestep him. Zach took the opportunity to continue the conversation. “Would you look at yourself? You’re miserable. You never smile…” Zach paused and Ben looked away. “I mean, you brood as a rule anyway, but my God…”
“I do not,” Ben said, brooding.
“You’re doing it NOW,” Zach pointed out. “Is making a point so important? Can’t you drop your stubbornness long enough to see you want to be with him?”
“I DO want to be with him!” Ben flared. “HE doesn’t want to be with me! I’ll be damned if I’ll force myself on ANYone! Much less my own lover!”
Students passing them on the sidewalk turned to look at them curiously when they heard the raised voices. Zach said, “If you want to be with him, then drop the attitude and BE with him. He wants you back, I swear he does.”
“So much that he hasn’t even tried to make me come home? Yeah, he really wants me back,” Ben said.
Zach huffed, and rolled his eyes. “He said he CAN’T make you come home. That this is your decision, and it wouldn’t be fair to you if he forced you.” Zach reached between the pages of his chemistry book and slipped out the envelope from the night before. “Here. Vic wanted you to have this.”
Ben stepped back from the envelope with his former lover’s neat handwriting on the front, as though it were a venomous viper. He started shaking his head. “No, I don’t want it.”
“Goddamn it! Take the letter, Benji! Don’t fuck this up!” Zach said. He shoved the envelope toward Ben inviting him more forcibly to take it. Ben looked at the letter, and finally reached for it.
He shoved it into his bookbag quickly and said, “I might read it. I might not.”
“Fine. Be alone and miserable. You’re just having a major tantrum and you damn well know it. Vic should haul your ass home and give you hell.”
“ME?! He’s the one who spent almost every other night with another man!”
“And, instead of telling him you didn’t like it, you had to go off on a major pout to get his attention,” Zach stared at Ben with a frown on his face.
“I told him,” Ben said.
“Yeah, and what did he say?”
“That he was quitting,” Ben said, looking across campus. “But, he didn’t.”
“You said he told you he had to wrap up. YOU told me that. Did you just conveniently forget it?”
“Whose fucking side are you ON?” Ben growled.
“YOURS, you big dope. You’re walking away from something good over a temper tantrum. I, for one, don’t want to sit around here and just watch it happen.”
Ben shuffled from foot to foot, under Zach’s lecture. Deep down, he recognized some bit of truth there, but it only made him feel small and ugly inside. “I have to go,” he said. He pushed Zach aside and walked quickly to his car, happy that Zach stayed behind.
He got in the car as fast as he could and held the envelope in front of him. His eyes blurred the writing he was looking at, and the one simple word on the front went out of focus. “Ben,” it said. Tears tore through his chest and he wiped at his eyes. He managed to open the envelope with shaky fingers, and pulled out the contents. Vic had written a one-page note. Ben scanned the words and sobbed when he read the end. “I’ll love you always, Vic.” He went back to the beginning and devoured each word, crying the whole time.
The end.
