We Need a Little Christmas
Author: Nelson
Date: November 2003
“Pass me the star,” Zach said from his perch on the stepstool. Christmas music was flowing softly from the CD player to help get them into the holiday spirit; Zach returned to humming along with White Christmas while he waited. Nelson paused from putting a hook in an ornament and scrounged around in the Rubbermaid Christmas container to find the elusive star. He pulled out the star and frowned at its condition.
“Zach, did you shove this into the bottom of the container?”
Zach flushed slightly and gave Nelson a lop-sided grin. “I don’t like taking down the tree as much as I like putting it up.”
“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Nelson quipped as he tried to fluff the crushed ribbons. “You shouldn’t have taken it out on the topper.” Zach would leave the tree up year-round if he could to keep from having to take it down. Making the ribbons as presentable as possible, he passed the star to Zach who secured it to the top of the tree.
Zach climbed down off the ladder and joined Nelson at the Rubbermaid box full of ornaments. He tugged out the “Our First Christmas” ornament and held it up for Nelson. “It’s hard to believe we’ve been together for two years, huh?”
“A great two years.” He pulled Zach to him, catching him off-balance and wrapped his arms around his waist. Nelson’s lips devoured Zach’s. Still holding his lover, he looked at him and asked, “Have you found your ornament for me yet?”
The couple had decided the first year they were together to buy an ornament for each other every year as part of their Christmas gifts. They opened the ornaments on Christmas Eve but not another gift. Nelson insisted presents were to be opened on Christmas Day and wouldn’t give in to anything more spectacular than the ornament exchange beforehand.
A mischievous grin graced Zach’s face and he answered, “Oh, yes. I’ve bought and wrapped your ornament.”
Nelson grinned back at him. “Do I want to open it?”
Zach shrugged noncommittally. “Why would you even ask such a thing?”
“Because I KNOW you.” He stole another kiss before releasing Zach. “I’d rather stand here holding you, but we have a ton to get done,” he said, gently pushing Zach toward the waiting, unhung ornaments.
They worked diligently adorning the tree and were putting the finishing touches on their decorating when the phone rang. Zach grunted at the unwelcome interruption and said, “I’ll get it.” He grabbed the closest phone and answered, “Hello?” Nelson listened to Zach’s half of the conversation to try to get a clue as to who was calling. His question was answered with Zach’s next comment, “Oh, hi, Mary…No, you aren’t interrupting much. Your baby boy is just ankle-deep in ornaments and garland.”
Nelson worked his way through the maze of opened boxes of decorations and stood next to Zach, waiting for the phone. Zach said, “Here he is.”
Zach passed off the phone to Nelson so he could speak with his mother. “Hi, Mom. What’s up?” It was Zach’s turn to eavesdrop and he quickly pieced together that an additional body would be joining them for their holiday get together. He was getting concerned at who that might be when Nelson’s eyes flicked to his while he listened. “Um, sure. She can come…No, she doesn’t have to bring anything…That’s fine. We’ll see you at 5:00.”
“WHO is coming?” Zach asked when Nelson hung up, more than convinced he knew the answer before hearing it.
Nelson sighed, knowing Zach wasn’t going to be at all pleased with the response. “Sally Ann.” He immediately held up a hand to cut Zach off before he sailed into a tirade. “I know you don’t like her. She’s my relative and I don’t care for her much either. But, what was I supposed to say?”
“Uh – ‘NO’ comes to mind!” Zach said sarcastically. “I can’t STAND her. We don’t generally invite pests and rodents into our home.”
“Can I ask you to be a little more understanding and tolerant in the spirit of Christmas?”
“You can ASK…” Zach said.
“Zachary, don’t make me do more than ask you. You can be nice to her for one afternoon. And, that’s what I expect from you.”
Zach glared at Nelson. “She makes me SICK. She says hateful things all the time.”
“I really don’t think she means anything by it. She just speaks her mind.”
“That can’t be it,” Zach complained. “If that were the case, she’d have very little to say and you know how much she yaps. She’s a birdbrain.”
Nelson shook his head at his unhappy lover and gave him a gentle swat. “Be nice, Ebenezer.” He kissed him to reduce the sting, but his joke and warning swat did nothing to change Zach’s opinion or reluctance to entertain the cousin from Hell.
“This is just going to be a GREAT evening, now,” Zach continued to gripe taking a seat on his knees on the floor. He tossed an empty ornament box in the storage container with force to add emphasis to his comment.
Nelson decided a subject change might be of help. “Have you wrapped your Dirty Santa gift?”
Zach’s scowl began to melt with the change in topic and Nelson was relieved to see his diversionary tactic work. “I have my gift wrapped. Do you?”
“I have to find something first. What did you pick?”
“I’m not telling! It’s a surprise!” Zach began to grin in spite of the fact he would have to share his home with the bat later on. “It’s a good one.”
Nelson’s family made it a habit to play Dirty Santa each year, requiring each participant to wrap a gender non-specific item from their home that they wanted to get rid of. It didn’t cost anything and was a good deal of fun. Nelson said, “I’ll have to find something, and pretty soon.” Zach glanced at the clock and saw they had about six hours before their company would start to arrive. They needed to prepare the finger foods and get the house straightened from their decorating, but otherwise, they were ready.
Zach clamped the lid closed on the storage container, having put the last of the boxes inside. He stepped around the box and sidled up close to Nelson, his hands moving over his crotch. “You have plenty of time. We have time to take a little break if you want to.”
Nelson pulled him close so their hips were pressed against each other. “Zach, are you flirting with me?”
“You think?” Zach said and found Nelson’s lips. “If you have to ask, I’m doing something wrong.”
Nelson stole a glimpse at the clock and decided he had plenty of time to find a gift in the house and spread some holiday cheer to his lover. “You’re doing a fine job. It’s working…,” he said and the two wandered up the stairs.
*****
Zach groaned as he looked out the window at the sound of doors slamming and saw that Nelson’s parents had arrived with Sally Ann in tow. She looked about as happy as she always did, with a cigarette dangling from her lips. “Joy to the World. The bat just flew in,” Zach said to Nelson from the window.
“Please try to be nice, Zach. I know you don’t like her; just don’t bait her today,” Nelson said, heading for the door to great the first arrivals. “Hi! Come on in.” He hugged and kissed his mother, then got a quick hug from his father. He was unable to bring himself to do the same for Sally Ann but he patted her shoulder in welcome. “Hi, Sally Ann. Glad you could join us,” he replied like a good host. He took everyone’s coat and was joined by Zach at the door.
Max grabbed Zach and delivered a bone-crunching hug, and Zach was grateful he had a skeleton to protect his internal organs from being mashed. Nelson was a perfect replica of his father in looks and breadth. “Hi, Max. Merry Christmas,” Zach said. Mary replied in kind and gave Zach a gentle hug of her own.
“The place looks great, boys,” Mary said.
Sally Ann held her cigarette up toward Zach, “I need an ashtray.”
“Zach, could you get one for Sally Ann?” Nelson asked. “I’m going to put the coats away.”
Zach didn’t answer. He simply glared at Sally Ann before leaving for the kitchen to get the sole ashtray they kept for such guests rude enough to smoke in their home. He purposely took his time, and when he returned, she was no longer in the living room. “Where is she?” he asked Nelson’s parents.
“She’s out on the front porch,” Mary said.
Zach mumbled to himself as he went to her on the porch. “The cold shouldn’t bother her; reptiles like the cold,” he griped under his breath. He opened the door and poked his head out. “Here’s your ashtray,” he said unenthusiastically.
“It took you long enough,” she said with a scowl. “I had to come out here to tap my ashes.”
“You can keep it out here if you want. Then the house won’t smell,” Zach said, not-so-subtly hinting he didn’t want her to smoke in the house.
She looked hard at Zach and decided to ignore his comment. “That’s all right. I’ll just crack a window. I’ll catch my death out here.”
We should be so lucky, Zach thought. She took the ashtray and went inside still puffing away. Zach glanced up from the door and saw Jordan and Justin pull in, followed closely by Vic and Ben. Nelson joined him at the door having returned from depositing the coats on the guestroom bed. Christien was practically running to the house in his usual form carrying a SpongeBob toy.
Nelson snatched him up as he barreled through the door and lifted him into a hug. “Hold on there, little man. You aren’t getting by me without a hug.” He squeezed the smaller body firmly and kissed the side of his face.
Christien unashamedly wiped the kiss away. He grinned at Nelson when he looked hurt by the action and said, “I’m just rubbing it in.”
Nelson put him down and Zach crouched low for a hug. “Have you sent your Christmas list to Santa, yet?”
“Yeah! Me and Mom did it. It’s a long list.”
Zach winked at him, “I hope you get everything you want.”
“Did you make your list, Uncle Zach?”
“Um, sure I did. Uncle Nelson mailed it for me the other day.” Nelson grinned at the exchange and waited for the rest of his family to get inside.
“Hi, everyone. Come on in.” He repeated the task of gathering coats and let Zach lead the group to the living room.
Zach said to Vic and Ben, “You guys know everyone except Sally Ann, I think. Sally Ann, Vic and Ben,” he said pointing each one out in turn. Ben’s eyes grew and he glanced at Zach. He had heard about Sally Ann. She was a Jameson family legend.
Sally Ann took note of Jordan when she sat down and said aloud to Mary, “She’s gotten fat.” Everyone heard it, including Jordan. If Sally Ann thought she was whispering, she was mistaken. Zach and Ben exchanged looks and Ben tried to hide a smile.
Mary patted Sally Ann’s leg and said, “Well, she IS pregnant.”
“Oh, that’s right,” Sally Ann replied without remorse or apology. Jordan’s face was pink with either anger or embarrassment, Zach wasn’t sure which. Either way, she managed to hold her tongue for the time being.
Nelson came back from dumping the coats for a second time and Zach said, “Ben and I will get the food ready. That way you can visit.”
Nelson figured Zach just wanted some distance between himself and Sally Ann so he agreed without much fight. “You’re sure, Zach? I hate for you to do it all without my help.”
“I don’t mind. Trust me.” Nelson pulled Zach to him and kissed the side of his head and whispered a “Thank you” before releasing his grip.
“Come on, Benji,” he replied and tugged Ben toward the kitchen with him.
Once they were inside, Ben said, “Wow. THE Sally Ann. You didn’t tell me she was coming.”
“That bitch!” Zach exclaimed. “I didn’t KNOW she was coming until today. She’s only been here a few minutes and she’s already offended Jordan.”
“She’s nothing like what I pictured. She’s a lot older.”
“She’s Mary’s second cousin. She’s at least 400. She never quits smoking or talking.” Zach went to the refrigerator and pulled out the finger foods he and Nelson had prepared. “Here. Could you put this on the bar?”
Ben took the dip and veggies Zach was holding and tried to arrange the dishes suitably on the counter. He tipped the top off the crockpot and smelled inside. “Mmmm. I like meatballs.”
“I’m surprised,” Zach said pulling sausage balls and mustard from the fridge.
“Hey, just because you have a bitch in the house, doesn’t mean you have to be one, too.”
“Sorry, I just meant because you’re so picky. I wasn’t trying to be like HER.”
“You know I like hamburger. That’s all a meatball is with sauce.”
The guys finished setting everything out and the bar was filled with everything from a vegetable tray to a cheeseball and crackers. Zach hung his head out the kitchen door and called the clan to eat. Christien went tearing into the kitchen and Zach stepped aside quickly before he was rammed. He managed not to roll his eyes when he saw Sally Ann coming behind Christien, albeit more slowly, holding her ashtray while lighting another cigarette.
“What do you feed him? Pure sugar?” she asked she grumbled to Justin. “There’s no sense in him being so wild all the time.” She yelled at Christien, “Quit that running, boy!”
Mary bit her tongue at the slam on her only grandchild, and managed to say calmly, “He’s just a boy, Sally Ann. He has a lot of energy.”
“Slow down!” Sally Ann fussed more loudly at Christien since he ignored her the first time. His little face fell at the admonishment and Zach bristled. He saw Justin and Nelson exchange looks; Justin was obviously not happy at his son being spoken to in such a manner.
Jordan called Christien to her and gave him a hug, “It’s okay, honey. Just try to calm down.” She kissed his forehead and took his hand. “Let’s fix you a plate, okay?” Christien glared at Sally Ann under his lashes and quietly followed his mother.
Zach and Nelson were waiting until everyone else was served before they got their own food and stood behind the bar as they filed through. Zach saw Sally Ann fumbling her plate and her ashtray and seized an opportunity when he saw her approach the meatballs. “Here, let me help you,” he said sweetly. He dipped up as many meatballs as the spoon would hold and balanced it in the air. Nelson watched as the spoon hovered over Sally Ann’s plate on the side closest to her and dip over, not on, the plate. A quartet of meatballs traveled silently down the front of Sally Ann’s shirt, along her pantleg and hit her shoe with a soft splat before rolling onto the floor.
Zach feigned surprise and immediately started to apologize, “Oh, my goodness! I thought I had the spoon over the plate.”
“Shit! Look at my blouse! My pants!! That barbeque sauce will NEVER come out!”
Christien covered his mouth and pointed accusingly at Sally Ann. “Awww. You said a bad word. You’re not supposed to say ‘shit’. I can’t say ‘shit’.”
“Christien!” Justin said.
“But, DAAaad! She did! She did say a bad word. Shit is a bad word, right? That’s the ‘s’ word. You said not to say ‘shit’.”
The voices blended in the kitchen and sounded like a potential melee to Nelson. Sally Ann was continuing to say “bad words” and Mary was trying to help her clean up. Vic’s hand covered the smile playing on his lips and Nelson caught his eye. Vic’s eyebrows raised and he shrugged his shoulders in a “what are you going to do” gesture. Nelson also happened to see a grin pass between Ben and Zach in the midst of the commotion, and he grabbed Zach’s hand. Nelson didn’t see a thing funny about the incident. Zach’s eyes widened when his hand was grabbed and he saw the look on Nelson’s face. He found himself being dragged out of the kitchen and into the laundry room.
Nelson released his hand and began to rummage for a Shout wipe. Zach stood quietly by, waiting for the commencement of the lecture he knew was coming. Nelson’s movements were short and jerky telling Zach he wasn’t happy. Nelson shoved bottles of laundry products out of the way, looking for the small box of Shout wipes. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you, young man?” Zach’s eyes went to the floor and he didn’t answer. Nelson found what he was looking for and turned back to Zach with the little package in his hand. “Didn’t you, Zachary?”
Uncomfortable at being caught, Zach tried to give what he felt to be a fully logical reason for what he did. “Well, she’s a royal bi—“
“Zachary!” Nelson interrupted before Zach got himself in any deeper. “That’s no excuse and you know it. You’d better behave yourself and treat her like you would any guest. We’ll talk about this when they leave.”
“Well, maybe if she acted like a good guest, I could act like a good host,” he grumbled.
“That’s enough. I don’t take kindly to my partner dumping food on our guests, but we’ll deal with that later. You straighten up. Understand?” Zach nodded and found arguing wouldn’t be a smart move as he looked at his unhappy lover with his hands propped on his hips. “Answer me, Zachary.”
Zach mumbled an insincere, “Yes, sir,” just before Nelson took his hand and dragged him back into the kitchen. Sally Ann was still fussing and Nelson tore open a package and handed her the wipe.
Nelson said calmly, “I’m sorry about that.”
“That thing isn’t going to help,” she hissed, glaring accusingly at Zach after looking at the wet wipe. “I might as well throw this damn outfit away.” Zach thought it wasn’t such a bad idea even WITHOUT the meatballs on it. The loud print did nothing to hide the fact she was anything but petite.
“Why not try it? It won’t hurt,” Nelson recommended. She grabbed the wet wipe from him and angrily swiped at her shirt.
The attention to Sally Ann’s situation placated her enough for her to stop ranting, and everyone went into the living room to munch and converse.
Sally Ann managed not to tick anyone else off or say anything too inappropriate while they ate, but Zach was no happier to have her in his house by the time he finished eating. Ben got up with his empty plate when Zach gave him a discreet nod toward the kitchen, and followed Zach. Once they were there, Zach said, “I can’t stand that bitch.”
“She’s something else,” Ben agreed.
“I want to play a joke on her, but I don’t think I can pull it off by myself. I need you to help.”
Ben looked uneasily at his friend, “I don’t know. Is it going to get me in trouble? I don’t exactly want to be on Vic’s bad side during the holidays.”
“No, it shouldn’t get you into trouble. He’ll never know unless you tell him.”
Ben wasn’t so sure but he said, “All right. But, I’d BETTER not get in trouble. I’ll kill you if I do.”
“IF you were to get in trouble, Vic would kill you first, so I think I’m safe from you.”
Ben rolled his eyes and said reluctantly, “Okay, spill it. What have you got up your sleeve?”
Zach grinned, happy to have an accomplice. “It’s going to be during Dirty Santa. Here’s what we’ll do…”
Ben listened to Zach’s plan and said laughing, “That’s just GROSS, Zach. Gross, but I like it.”
“Come on,” Zach said and the two slipped upstairs unnoticed.
*******
Ben and Zach came back down entering the living room one at a time in an effort not to bring attention to themselves. Zach came in last bearing a large, wrapped gift, and walked in to hear Sally Ann’s unsolicited opinion on politics. Jordan was engaging in a debate with the woman, having heard enough of her mouth for one day. Nelson saw the package Zach held and asked curiously, “What’s that Zach?” His question turned everyone’s attention to Zach and the debate paused momentarily.
“My Dirty Santa gift.”
“I thought that was already under the tree,” he responded. He was grateful for the distraction of Zach coming in the room with the large package, glad it had caused a cease-fire on the political debate.
“I changed my mind. This one is better,” Zach said, barely able to meet Nelson’s eye. He had put on a Santa hat while he was upstairs and the pointed end swung in front of his face as he leaned over to put the gift under the tree.
Before commencing the game of Dirty Santa, gifts were bestowed upon Christien to keep him happy. He opened a gift from Nana and Poppy first and exclaimed, “Wow! Thanks, Nana and Pop!” He was beaming as he held new clothes from the unwrapped box.
“You’re welcome, doll,” Mary said.
Zach was shaking his head and laughing. “That’s the only kid I’ve ever seen who actually LIKES getting clothes for Christmas.”
Sally Ann put in her unrequested two cents’ worth, “Why shouldn’t he like them? He should be grateful for anything he is given. We didn’t have all these toys when I was growing up.”
Zach rolled his eyes. “I didn’t SAY he shouldn’t be grateful, I said he’s the first kid I’ve seen who likes getting clothes.” Nelson put his hand to Zach’s back and gave it a disguised gentle nudge of warning to calm him down before he lost his temper.
Mary tried to diffuse the situation before Sally Ann had a chance to retort. “Nelson, do you remember the time you threw a fit because Uncle Stewart gave you a toy box instead of toys?”
Zach’s eyes widened and he looked at his lover with brows lifted. “What?! Nelson threw a fit? MY Nelson?”
Nelson glanced sheepishly at Zach then looked at his mother. “How could I forget? Dad tanned me good for that.”
“You had it coming,” Max said. “You acted like a spoiled brat. That was a beautiful toy box and Stewart made it himself, which made your attitude that much worse.”
Nelson looked at Zach and said, “It’s the chest in the guestroom.” He turned his attention to Christien who was quickly disrobing and putting his new clothes on, tags and all.
“Oh. That chest IS pretty.” Zach leaned into Nelson giving him an elbow to the ribs. “How could you be so bratty? I wouldn’t expect you to behave that way,” Zach teased with a twinkle in his eye. He was enjoying this little story and the brat reference Max had made. Ben rolled back against Vic’s knees laughing from his seat at his feet. There was room for him on the sofa between Vic and Sally Ann, but Ben chose to sit on the floor, not wanting to be TOO close to the resident bat.
Vic had to laugh himself. “I have to agree with Zach, Nelson. I never figured you for a brat,” Vic said. He leaned down and put his hands on Ben’s shoulders and started to massage them trying to still his laughter a little. Benji was obviously finding the thought of Nelson as a brat a hilarious concept.
Everyone ignored Sally Ann when she looked disapprovingly at Ben, “What’s so funny?” Ben continued to laugh, ignoring her.
“Well, he was a brat that day,” Mary responded to the brat comments, chuckling. “I was so embarrassed. He wanted toys and made sure everyone within hearing distance knew it.”
“They heard him singing a different tune soon enough,” Max interjected pointedly. “I wore his butt out.”
“How come I don’t remember that?” Justin asked, smiling at the story. “I was there, right?”
“You were too young to remember it, probably,” Nelson said. “I was only six or seven, right Dad? That would have put you at three or four.”
“Somewhere in there. Old enough to know better,” Max said with a wink at his oldest son.
Zach was laughing at the conversation but went over to dig out another gift for Christien. “Here, Christien. This is from me and Uncle Nelson.”
Christien abandoned the first box, as he had finished pulling every stitch of clothing from it, and took the festively wrapped offering from Zach. “This is a video game,” he announced upon recognizing the shape of the box.
Zach’s mouth hung open. “You’re too smart for your own good. We’ll have to disguise your gift next year.” Christien ripped the paper free, excited to see what game was under the wrapping.
“Shrek!” he exclaimed. “Can I play it now? Can I?” he asked Zach.
Zach looked to Christien’s parents who each gave a nod. He said to Christien, “Sure. You know how it works.” Christien fled from the adults to go play his new game wearing layers of new clothes. Zach grinned, looking around at his audience and rubbed his hands together. “Let the fun begin. Everyone ready for Dirty Santa?”
Vic asked, “Remind me of the rules, would you?” He covered a slight cough with his hand from the smoke in the room as Sally Ann continued to puff next to him.
“Okay, here’s how you play,” he picked up a small bowl filled with little folded pieces of paper and shook it slightly to mix them up, glancing at Ben. Ben slipped his hand into his pocket and drew out a small piece of paper. “Everyone picks a number from the bowl. The number will indicate your turn. If you have a one, you go first. A two, you go second,” he paused. “Got it?”
Nods all around and Vic asked, “But, what do we do when it’s our turn?”
Zach said, “Well, that’s when it gets interesting. We each get to go three times. On your first turn, you either pick a gift from under the tree or steal someone else’s if they’ve played before your turn. Once all the gifts are gone from under the tree, you take another person’s gift when your turn comes around again.”
Sally Ann lit another cigarette and blew smoke out forcibly, settling back on the sofa. She said, “That’s not the way I’ve played it before.”
Zach managed to bite his tongue knowing he had already managed to get under Nelson’s skin with the meatball incident. He tried to speak as nicely as possible. “Well, those are the rules today.”
He passed the bowl around and made sure he and Benji drew first. Ben used a slip of the hand Houdini would be proud of. He slid the folded paper he held tucked in his palm to his fingertips so it looked as if he had drawn it from the bowl. Ben exclaimed from against Vic’s legs, “Great! I’m first.”
Zach slipped the piece of paper hidden in his hand into the bowl, noted where it fell and drew it back out. “You’re first and I’m last,” he said, looking at the number “9” then finished passing the bowl around to the other guests. Once everyone had a number, he called the game to action. “Okay, Benji. Pick a gift from under the tree.”
As the two had planned, Ben picked the large package Zach had placed under the tree. “This one is from you?” he asked as if he didn’t know.
“Yep. I hope you like it,” Zach replied. Nelson began to worry when he saw the twinkle in Zach’s eye.
“I wonder what it is.” Ben said, pretending ignorance. He shook it first to investigate then carefully pulled the paper from the package being careful not to touch what was inside.
Zach was smiling broadly as the paper fell away and a used toilet seat was exposed. He risked a glance toward Nelson and saw that his mouth was literally hanging open. He was speechless for probably the first time since they were together. He began to sputter, “Zach, what did you?... Why did you?... That is just…,”
Sally Ann’s face contorted in a scowl even uglier than before, “That is damn awful! It’s nasty!”
Zach jumped in to stop Nelson from trying to find words. He said, “You’re supposed to wrap up something you want to get rid of. We could use a new one.” Nelson’s eyes still showed shock but he recovered quickly, replacing the shock with a definitely unhappy look.
Everyone found it funny except Sally Ann and Nelson. Zach pled his case by saying, “You’re supposed to find something that’s funny to give away. Something no one else would want. I couldn’t think of anything better.”
Nelson’s lips were pursed in a thin line and he glared at Zach, saying nothing. Zach swallowed hard and tried to get the attention off him. “Who has number two?”
The game continued on through the first round until everyone had a gift. As expected, no one stole the toilet seat and Ben still had it when his turn came around again. Right according to plan, he traded gifts with Zach and took his Solid Gold’s Greatest Hits tape that Justin had brought. When Zach’s turn came around, he traded again with Ben who was holding a macramé plant holder by that time, in burnt orange. Since Ben went first, he immediately traded right back with Zach, managing to keep the toilet seat within their control and kicking off the last and final round.
Everyone’s eyes were on Zach as he pondered the last trade. He held the vile gift and perused the room, taking his time to select a gift. “Hmm. What do I want?” he asked himself. The guests all expected the same exchange to take place as had happened during the first two rounds, confident that Ben would be taking home the toilet seat.
Nelson’s breath caught as Zach’s eyes landed on Sally Ann. “You know, Nelson shouldn’t have put that vase in the game. I LOVE Mickey Mouse,” he said crossing the room and taking the mouse-shaped vase from Sally Ann and quickly laying the toilet seat in her lap.
Her hands jerked up and away from the thing in her lap and a look of disgust crossed her features. “EW! GET it OFF me!” she exclaimed.
“You don’t want it?” Zach asked innocently. “It’s very comfortable. It’s the one that got the most use so we’ve already broken it in for you and everything.”
Sally Ann shifted in her seat until the toilet lid clamored to the floor. Everyone in the room was doubled over with laughter except, once again, Sally Ann and Nelson.
“Zachary, give her back the vase,” Nelson said sternly from his place on the loveseat.
“But, that’s not how you play!” Zach complained.
Nelson’s eyebrows rose in a way that Zach knew well. He quickly placed the vase back in Sally Ann’s hands and retrieved the toilet seat from the floor. He didn’t mind. The look on her face reminded him of the Master Card commercial – priceless. The glare he got from Nelson made him wonder if it was going to be worth it.
The afternoon wore on and finally their guests began to comment that it was time to go, Zach knew he’d find out in the near future the value Nelson placed on his actions against Sally Ann that day. He could only hope that Nelson disliked her enough to go easy on him. Zach breathed a sigh of relief when Vic didn’t make a move to leave, since he was in no hurry to be left alone with Nelson.
Vic had noticed his friend’s expression and knew Zach was in for it. “Nelson, I’m going to stay and help you get the kitchen straightened.”
“That’s okay, Vic. Zachary and I need to talk.” Nelson was looking at Zach when he answered and Zach withered under the glare.
“Come on,” Vic said firmly. He turned his long-time friend around and pushed him toward the kitchen. “You’ll have time for that after the kitchen is cleared. Benji, you and Zach get the living room cleaned up while we work on the kitchen.”
Nelson started to protest but went along with Vic to the kitchen. Once they were alone, he turned on Vic and asked, “What are you doing? Zach needs to be punished and you know it.”
“Listen to me, buddy,” Vic said, propping his hips against the counter in the kitchen. “I know you’re upset with Zach, so I hate to say this, but the old bag had it coming.”
“What?! Do you mean to tell me you think I should ignore what he did tonight? You realize he dumped the meatballs on her on purpose, don’t you?”
Vic laughed at the memory. “I figured as much.”
“And?!”
Vic shook his head from side to side, “And, I thought it was hilarious.” He tried not to laugh but couldn’t stop. The look he was getting from Nelson sobered him a bit and he said, “Sorry.”
Nelson’s mouth hung open for the second time that day. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Do I need to spank you as well?”
“Nelson,” Vic said with a disbelieving glance from the corner of his eye, “you don’t honestly plan to spank Zach for what he did, do you?”
Without missing a beat, Nelson said, “As a matter of fact, I do.”
Vic offered his opinion on the matter by saying, “She had to be the most unpleasant person I’ve ever met. I’d say she’s the only one who is deserving of a spanking today. That, and a well-soaped mouth, I might add.”
“All right, that’s it,” Nelson said, placing a hand to his hip. “Who are you and where’s my friend?”
Vic threw back his head and laughed at the comment. “I know! I know, but I’m telling you, she’s horrible. I don’t care if I never have to share space with her again. I’ll probably lose a lung as it is from sitting too close to her and all that smoke.”
Nelson began to soften at his friend’s words. “You honestly don’t think Zach deserves to be punished?”
“Nelson, you do what you think you need to. I’m not so thick that I don’t know Ben was in on the Dirty Santa thing. I’m going to have a talk with him, but I’m not going to punish him for it.”
“Zach knows better than to treat people that way whether he thinks it’s deserved or not.”
“I know he does. So does Benji. I’m just pleading Zach’s case for him, although I’m sure he’ll do a stellar job of that himself. I’d just hate to see him get a spanking over it.”
Nelson sighed and said, “What does he owe you for a retainer?”
“Not a thing,” Vic responded. “I’m doing this for him pro bono.”
“Well, counselor, your attitude is definitely giving me pause for thought.” He shook his head slowly as if trying to clear it. “I’ll take it under advisement, but I just don’t see that I can let it go. I told him to be nice to her before she got here.”
Vic straightened up from the counter and patted Nelson’s shoulder. “He’s your partner and it isn’t my place to interfere. I know you’ll do what you think is best.”
*******
Zach and Ben quieted their conversation when Nelson and Vic emerged from the kitchen. Zach tried his best to see behind Nelson’s eyes and know what he was thinking. He didn’t look upset, but Zach was pretty sure he was going to be spanked for his shenanigans.
His heart sank when Vic said, “Get your coat on, Ben. We need to head home.” Vic gave Ben a nudge on the sofa, willing him to get up and Ben did as he was asked. He picked up his coat from the sofa and shrugged into it.
“Don’t you want to stay longer?” Zach asked hopefully from his seat.
Vic leaned down and kissed the top of his head. He knew why Zach hated to see them leave, but they had stayed as long as they possibly could. “I’m sorry, Zach. We need to get out of your way.”
“But, you aren’t in the way,” Zach replied, eyes pleading with Vic to stay. “Just a little while longer?”
Nelson looked at his lover and said, “That’s enough, Zachary.” He knew Zach was attempting to put off the inevitable, but Nelson was ready to deal with it and get it over with.
Benji recognized the tone Nelson used and looked at Zach whose head was dipped down. “See you later, Zach,” he said sympathetically as he followed Vic out the door. Zach stayed slumped on the couch while Nelson showed the last of their guests out.
Zach looked up pitifully at Nelson when he returned, arms folded across his chest. “Go to the corner in the kitchen,” he said simply.
Zach made no move to get up and started to argue, “But, Nelson…”
Nelson quickly interrupted with a stern reply. “You’d be wise to not argue with me right now.” Zach took in the tone and look then quietly slinked into the kitchen.
Nelson watched from the living room as Zach disappeared into the kitchen. As soon as Zach was out of sight, Nelson sat on the sofa in his place, propped his elbows on his knees and rubbed his temples. He took the time to reflect on the evening and what Vic had said. Vic was anything but easy on Ben and if he didn’t think punishment was due, that was saying a lot. Nelson struggled with how to deal with Zach, and before he knew it, twenty minutes had slipped away. He knew by this time, Zach would be bored and restless with glaring at the same area of the wall. He went to the office and pulled out a notepad and a pen, then headed into the kitchen.
He saw Zach shifting in the corner either out of boredom or anticipation. His body went totally still when he heard Nelson in the room behind him. Nelson laid the notepad on the table then called toward the corner. “Zachary, come here.”
Zach cautiously turned around, half expecting to see the paddle or a damned spoon in Nelson’s hands, both of which they stored in the kitchen. He was relieved to see neither, and his eyes glanced over to the tabletop seeing the notepad and pen there. He thought Nelson must be pretty upset to make him write lines and spank him, too. He was beginning to regret picking on Sally Ann.
“Have a seat,” Nelson directed, pointing at the chair in front of the pad and pen. Zach tucked his head and sat at the table where Nelson wanted him to. Once he was settled, Nelson began to speak, standing beside Zach’s chair. “Your behavior today was unacceptable, Zachary. There is absolutely no excuse for treating people the way you did, especially in our own home. We don’t dump food or play jokes on people. I won’t stand for you behaving that way.”
Zach’s head jerked up at Nelson’s stern words and he tried desperately to convince Nelson the treatment was deserved. “But, she’s hateful! She was just as mean with her mouth as I was with my actions! At least, I wasn’t hurtful. You know it, too. It isn’t fair that I should be punished.”
“You knew better, Zachary. Whether you like her or not, she was a guest in our home. Do you think it’s okay to treat people that way?”
“She’s not ‘people’; she’s a rodent,” Zach said miserably.
“Zachary!”
“I think it’s okay in HER case to treat people that way,” he grumbled. “You obviously weren’t going to do anything.”
“What difference would it have made? She’s a sour individual and nothing either of us could say or do would change that fact.”
“But, Nelson! She was yelling at Christien, smoking like a freight train and she insulted Jordan! Not to mention she’s just unpleasant in general. I can’t stand her!”
Nelson leaned on the table, supporting his weight with his fingertips, and brought his face close to Zach’s. “I know all of that. But, she isn’t my partner and I couldn’t care less about what she does. YOU, however, are a different matter altogether.”
Zach looked at the table and asked quietly, “You’re going to spank me, aren’t you?”
He looked up when Nelson didn’t respond and his stomach turned to lead when he watched Nelson turn a chair away from the table and take a seat beside him. Nelson leaned forward and took his hand and Zach anticipated the spanking to begin. He was surprised when, instead of turning him over his knees, Nelson pulled him into his lap.
“Zachary, I should probably spank you good for what you did tonight. I’m not totally convinced I shouldn’t, but I’m not going to.”
It was Zach’s turn to be speechless with his mouth open in surprise. “What?”
“You’re going to be punished, but I’m not going to spank you this time.”
“Really?” Zach said, unbelieving. He began to relax in Nelson’s lap, preferring to be on it rather than over it.
“No, I’m not. Unless you think I should…”
Zach’s head was shaking rapidly, “No, no, I don’t think you should.”
“All right. For punishment, you’re going to spend time tonight writing the Golden Rule for me 100 times.”
Zach couldn’t manage to stop the grunt that slipped out. “The Golden Rule?! But, I WAS following the Golden Rule. I did unto her as she was doing unto others.”
“The rule says to ‘do unto others as you would HAVE them do unto you’, not ‘do unto others as they have DONE unto you’,” Nelson pointed out.
“But, I wouldn’t have done anything if she hadn’t been so hateful first,” Zach complained with a pout.
“You’d rather I change my mind and spank you instead?”
“Never mind,” Zach said quickly. He leaned over and grabbed the pen from the table. “I’m ready to write.” He held the pen up for Nelson, trying to convince him he was finished arguing about it.
Nelson kissed Zach’s cheek and pushed him from his lap as he stood up. “Good. You’re also going to send Sally Ann $50 to cover the cost of a replacement outfit. There’s no way that stain will come out.”
“Fifty dollars?! Do you really think it cost her that much? I wouldn’t have paid that much for it.”
“Well, you WILL be paying that much for it. I have no idea what it cost but I’m sure $50 will cover buying a new one.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Zachary, I want to be crystal clear here: if you EVER pull any more stunts like you did today, you’ll be over my knees. You won’t get off with simply corner time and lines. Got it?”
“Yes, sir. I got a fine this time, too. Don’t forget the fine,” Zach said reminding Nelson he hadn’t been let off so easily.
Nelson said, “And, a fine. I’ll wear you out if you ever treat her or anyone else like that again in our home.”
“Yes, sir.” Zach turned toward his chair then paused before whipping around suddenly to face Nelson. He slung his arms around him so forcefully Nelson had to take a step back to keep his balance. “Thank you, Nelson. I won’t do it again, I swear.”
“See that you don’t, Sweetpea,” Nelson said, kissing Zach’s head again. “Get busy.”
*****
Nelson returned to the kitchen several times to check on Zach and his progress. Finally, on another pass through, he entered the kitchen to find Zach rubbing a cramp from his hand. “I’m finished,” he said when he saw Nelson come into the room for the third time. Zach picked up the pad to offer it to his partner.
Nelson took the notepad from Zach’s hands and saw the numbers jotted beside each line and made sure all 100 were there. “Very good, Zach.” Nelson pulled Zachary to him and hugged him. “You know what I SHOULD do? I ought to make you write a letter to Santa explaining yourself. He’s probably not too happy with you right now.”
“Well, I’d rather deal with him than you, most of the time,” Zach said laying his head against Nelson’s chest. “Santa’s a softie.”
Nelson pulled him back and looked at his lover, “Oh, I don’t know about that, Zach. Doesn’t Santa bring lumps of coal and switches to those who are on the ‘naughty’ list? He might not be as forgiving as I have been about today. You might just find yourself in an uncomfortable position on Santa’s lap this year.”
Zach scowled at the picture that flashed through his head. He couldn’t help imagining himself bare-bottomed over the fat man’s knees with his gloved hand swatting his behind. “I don’t like the thoughts of that, thank you very much.”
Glancing at the scribbled lines, Nelson said, “Maybe I could put in a good word for you. Tell him to ditch the switches and exchange the coal for charcoal pencils instead.”
Zach playfully punched Nelson in the arm and he grabbed at the spot in mocked pain. “You’re very funny, Nelson. Keep on teasing me and you might just be joining me on the ‘naughty’ list. Even your parents said you were a brat. Santa might just need to spank you, too.”
“I hope not. You don’t think we’ll be sleeping on our stomachs after he comes next week, do you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to leave him a note of explanation,” Zach teased.
Nelson grinned at Zach and pulled him in for a kiss. “Merry Christmas, Sweetpea.”
He looked into Nelson’s eyes and Nelson saw the glint he was all too familiar with twinkling there. Zach said, “Merry Christmas, brat.”
“I’ll give you brat.” Nelson gave him a gentle swat then covered his mouth again with smiling lips.
The end.
