What Ever Happened to Cash or Check?

by Nelson



Vic took his reading glasses off and laid them on the desk.

"Ben!" he called, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "Come here."

Somewhere in Ben's subconscious, the summons registered while he tried to think of the corresponding question to the Jeopardy answer "it's the oven or furnace in which pottery is fired".

"What is a kiln," he answered to the empty room.

"Ben!"

He distractedly called back, "What?"

"Come here," Vic repeated.

Those two simple words had a tendency to cause his mind to scramble, trying to remember what he might have done, if anything. He was more distracted on the walk to their office than he was during the Jeopardy interruption as his mind flipped through its memory files.

Nothing. He was coming up empty.

"What?" he cautiously asked. Entering the office, Ben's keen eye studied Vic's facial expression.

"I'm working on our bills," Vic announced.

"I haven't overspent," Ben defended himself.

"I didn't say you did, Benji," Vic replied calmly as he clicked through to a screen. "I want you to see something, that's all."

"What is it?" Ben asked in relief as he peered over Vic's shoulder. He observed with a shrug, "It's the budget."

"Yeah, but check out the detail on that entry."

Ben looked where Vic's finger tapped the screen then his face broke out in a smile. "You're kidding."

"Nope. It's for real."

"I can't believe it. It came down faster than we thought it would." Ben couldn't keep the rapidly growing grin off his face. It finally happened.

"Well, you picked up some extra money working summers, sold some stuff. Those little things add up."

"Just like when you're charging, only it seems to happen faster when you're adding to the bill than when you're subtracting."

Vic laughed, "That's because it's like fake money. It doesn't feel real when you're charging. Congratulations."

Ben took a seat on Vic's knee and loosely draped his arm around Vic's shoulders. "We should go out and celebrate."

Vic shook his head and rubbed his palm along the outside of Ben's thigh. "I wish we could, but we need to watch the entertainment spending for the rest of the month."

The grin crumbled as Ben's face fell. "Why? What's wrong?"

"There's nothing wrong, really. We're just at," Vic paused while he found the total, "about $60 over-budget on entertainment this month."

"We've been out a lot," Ben deflated. "I wish we hadn't, now."

"I know. So we just need to keep an eye on it the rest of the month. We should stay home this weekend instead of doing the movie/eating-out thing. That doesn't mean we can't celebrate, though." Vic waggled his eyebrows playfully.

"I know, but," Ben shrugged, disappointedly. "I really wanted to see The Good Shepherd this weekend."

"I'm sorry, babe." Vic patted Ben's thigh and pushed him off his lap so he could shut down the computer. "We need to wait a couple of weeks."

Ben frowned and scuffed at the carpet in disappointment. "I know, but I don't have to be happy about it."

Vic slipped an arm around his waist as they left the office. "The movie just started this weekend. If it's any good, it will still be playing in two weeks. If it sucks, then we can get it on DVD where the rental will be less than one movie ticket."

Ben sighed disconsolately. "I hate budgeting."

Vic laughed. "Don't I know it."

Ben cut his eyes at Vic as they entered the living room. "I never claimed to be any good with money management. Besides, you knew what you were getting when you got me."

"Did not," Vic grinned with a brow raised.

Ben feigned a pout at his partner. "That's over and done with, remember?"

"Over and done with, yes. That doesn't mean I don't remember the heart attack you gave me. I still have chest pains when I think about it." Vic clutched his chest dramatically as he gasped for breath.

"Hey," Ben contended with a playful shove. "I've been good about it since then."

Vic kissed Ben's cheek as they relaxed on the sofa. "You have. I'm very proud of you."

Ben's heart swelled at the compliment. It was much different from how he was feeling a year into their relationship when money was a hot topic. A hell of a lot different.

"I'm glad we can laugh about it now," Ben commented. "I wasn't laughing then."

"Laughing? No. You were so eaten up with guilt, you couldn't see straight."

"Don't remind me."

Ben didn't need a reminder to vividly recall the events of the week in question…

**************

"Hey, Benji," Vic greeted as he walked in. He parked his computer bag by the back door and went to Ben at the sink.

Ben jumped in spite of himself when Vic's touch registered as he wound his arms around Ben's waist. He stilled his heart before he spoke. "Hi, Vic."

Vic chuckled. "Did I scare you?"

"I didn't hear you come up behind me," Ben explained as he set his glass in the sink. "I guess the water drowned you out."

Vic peeled his gloves off and stuffed them into his pocket. "It's freezing out there."

"Has it started snowing yet?"

"It was just starting about five miles from home." Vic shrugged off his coat and went back to Ben, layering kisses along his neck from the collar of his t-shirt to the lobe of his ear. "No kiss hello?"

Ben turned to face Vic and forced a kiss to his lips. The Judas kiss of betrayal. Ben shook off the thought and smiled as naturally as he could. "Did you have a good day?"

"It was ok. Busy. Nothing out of the ordinary. How about you?"

It was horrible.

"It was fine," Ben lied smoothly. He couldn't hold Vic's eye and he turned back to the sink to wash his clean hands while Vic walked to the fridge.

Dirty hands. Out, out, damn spot! He scrubbed at his hands and tried to make small talk. "So, what's for dinner tonight?" Ben inquired casually.

"Chicken, if you took it out of the freezer like I asked you to." Vic paused in pouring a glass of tea and glanced across the room at his partner. "You didn't remember, did you?"

"I did, too," Ben answered with a sigh of relief. At least he did that right. "It's in the refrigerator."

"Did you? I thought you must not have since you asked what we were having."

"No, I just forgot."

"We're having chicken, then," he confirmed as he loosened the knot in his tie. "But right now, I'm going to change into something more comfortable."

He pecked Ben's lips again and disappeared through the door, oblivious. He had no idea. None. Guilt consumed Ben once again, and once again, he wanted to strangle Zach. It was Zach's fault he felt guilty. Zach's fault for upsetting the apple cart and making him feel like he had to confess.

Damn him! How could something that had gone on a year suddenly begin to eat away at his conscience relentlessly all day? Because of Zach, that's how. It was only one measly credit card! It wasn't that big of a deal, no matter what Zach said. At least, it shouldn't have been. It had simply become a deal quite out of control. How would he tell Vic – the Uber Controller – that he had let it get that far gone?

Ben grappled with his options. He still wasn't convinced he had to tell Vic anything. The only reason he was considering it at all was because of Zach's 'wise' counsel. What if Vic saw it the same way as Zach? Dishonest and untrusting? It was bad enough to tell Vic he had a credit card at all, let alone that he had a sizeable balance, but how would he face him if he viewed it the way Zach thought he would?

Zach's response to the revelation had been immediate.

"And he doesn't *know*?" he had asked incredulously. "Are you a moron? How could you hide something like that from your partner?"

The moron crack hadn't hit Ben nearly as hard as the punch to the gut with the last in the trilogy of questions. Zach didn't stop with asking questions, either. No, Zach felt it was his responsibility, his obligation, to inform Ben of his opinion on the matter. An opinion that was unmoving, steadfast and sure that what Ben had done was dishonest, sneaky, and certainly conniving. In a word: wrong. No two ways about it. Zach's words continued to ring loudly in Ben's head, repeatedly berating him with a touch as gentle as a Mack truck.

The truth was he didn't have to tell Vic anything, yet. Hell, it had been a year, so what was the rush in deciding what he should do? He had time. He just needed to act natural. No problem. But that's all it would be, an act. Vic lived with the actor and always seemed to know when he was putting on a show. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to allay the uneasy feeling that was consuming him. He needed time alone to think.

Vic reappeared in jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, rubbing his hands together. "Parmesan chicken, coming right up."

Ben smiled at him, though pained by the dark secret he held. Vic whistled as he worked in the kitchen, happily directing Ben to slice some potatoes. It wasn't fair to him, Ben realized as he ran a paring knife under the potato skin. Vic didn't deserve to have his day ruined with bad news. It was enough that Ben's conscience had to suffer. Vic shouldn't have to suffer, too. No, he wouldn't be telling Vic that night.

He paused and admired Vic's profile. The taut muscles in his back were delicately outlined by the soft cotton of the shirt he wore, draping sexily over the swells of his butt. Vic dipped the chicken in the buttermilk then coated it in the parmesan and breadcrumb mixture he had made.

Ben fumbled with the knife when Vic looked at him with a smile. "Careful," he warned.

"You caught me checking you out," Ben admitted. He recovered the knife and tried an easy smile back.

Vic winked and went back to his chicken, lining the Pyrex dish with the coated breasts. There was no way Ben could wreck Vic's day, not when he was in such a good mood. No way. If he told him at all, it would have to be on another day. But—

That meant the alternative would be to tell him when he was in a bad mood. That couldn't be good, could it? A bad mood could spell a conniption fit; a good mood meant ruining his day. Neither option seemed like the right answer. Maybe wait for a normal mood, not exactly good or bad. Or maybe don't listen to Zach and don't tell Vic at all. Zach didn't know everything. Hell, he'd rarely given him good advice in the past - that was for sure.

Dinner was torture, pure torture. Ben cut through a piece of chicken and took a bite. Despite the savory flavor, the chicken threatened to stick in Ben's throat, refusing to go down. He gulped at his tea to force it into his stomach, followed by a command to stay there.

"The snow was really coming down," Vic commented. "I wonder if we'll get as much as they say we will."

"I don't know."

Vic looked at Ben questioningly. "You aren't very excited about it."

He tried to look elated, despite the gloom hanging over him. Forcing a smile, he replied, "I am excited. Just trying not to get my hopes up. You know how it is. If the weatherman says six inches, we'll get a dusting."

"And if he calls for a dusting, we'll get a foot," Vic laughed. "That's the only thing you can count on with channel 13."

"That's the truth."

"Except they said six inches on channel 10, too."

"Then we might actually get it."

What would he do if they were stuck inside all day? If they really did get a good bit of snow, college would close and Vic would probably work from home. Ben looked toward the kitchen door and saw Vic's laptop bag where he left it. Yep, he'd work from home. He brought his "office" with him. At least if Vic stayed busy, Ben could keep to himself and worry about whether to tell him or not. But then, he might decide not to work after all. If they were stuck at home all day, there would be no reason for Vic to put off dealing with what Ben had to say, if he decided to tell him.

He hated feeling so guilty! He should be looking forward to a lazy snow day with his partner, but he couldn't. Not with the weight of the world on his shoulders. If Zach hadn't planted the seed, damn him –

"Ben?"

Ben looked away from his plate to turn questioning eyes to Vic. "What?"

"I asked you to pass the potatoes."

"Oh. I didn't hear you." Ben picked up the dish of roasted potatoes and passed them to Vic.

Vic dished up a spoonful of potatoes and said, "You're a million miles away. What's on your mind?"

Oh, crap. Ben fumbled. "Nothing."

"What's going on? You have a test or something coming up?"

"Don't I always?" Ben replied without missing a beat.

"Which is why it seems odd for you to be so distracted," Vic pointed out.

"I'm sorry, Vic," Ben apologized. "I guess I just have a lot going on and I'm a little tired."

"You aren't getting sick, are you?" Vic wondered, worry creasing his brow.

"Not that kind of tired. Just mentally tired."

It wasn't a lie. His brain had been churning non-stop since he and Zach talked that afternoon.

"Maybe you should hit the sack a little early tonight," Vic suggested. "I might do the same thing."

It was a small sacrifice, Ben thought. Things should look brighter in the morning.

Ben sighed deeply as he lay in the bed and wished if morning were going to be brighter, it would hurry up about it. He worried to the tune of water running in the master bath as Vic brushed his teeth to get ready for bed. Ben laced his fingers behind his head and stared at the shadows cast on the ceiling before finally closing his eyes against thoughts he tried to keep at bay.

"Ahh," Vic relaxed into the bed. He switched the bedside lamp off and the darkness swallowed the shadows. "Are you asleep already?"

"No, I'm awake," Ben answered.

"Why are you all the way over there?" Vic's hand stroked the length of Ben's torso.

"Oh. Sorry."

Ben tried to ignore worrisome thoughts as he slid over to Vic, settling into Vic's embrace. Most of the time, he craved the feeling of their bodies pressed together, the heat of their torsos more warming than a blanket, as they intertwined limbs in slumber. Not that night. That night, he somehow felt more traitorous and dishonest snuggled against Vic.

Vic offered into the stillness, "Penny for your thoughts."

It was going to cost more than that, Ben realized despondently. A hell of a lot more. It would have to be cash. He wasn't putting another dime, not even a penny, on that credit card.

"Ben?"

Ben swallowed nervously. "I'm not thinking about anything you'd want to hear about."

"I doubt that," Vic probed. "I'm interested in anything that interests you, especially anything that has you distracted and jumpy."

"I'm not thinking about anything. Really. Goodnight, Vic." Ben held his breath, hoping that Vic would take the bait and wish him goodnight in return.

Instead, he heard the question he had been sidestepping all evening. "Are you sure nothing's bothering you?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Goodnight."

"You don't sound fine."

Damn it, he was persistent!

"But, I *am* fine. I'll see you in the morning," Ben tried once again, this time adding a yawn for effect. He waited for Vic to press further, but he must have either been too tired to keep going or he finally believed Ben.

"Goodnight."

Au contraire. It was anything but a good night. Ben tossed and turned, unable to find rest or comfort. He tried to blank his mind, but it wasn't cooperating. Worry persistently nagged and gnawed at him. He looked at the clock and saw it was almost one. He had been tossing for almost three hours! Finding no success on his back, he flopped over on his stomach again.

"Benjamin!" Vic barked into the night.

Ben jumped at the sharp bellow. He swallowed his heart back down his throat then answered casually, "What? You scared the crap out of me."

"Would you lay still?"

"I'm trying! I can't go to sleep."

"What's the matter?" Vic asked rolling over toward Ben.

"Nothing, I'm fi—"

"Fine, I know. Come here." He pulled Ben to him and wrapped his arms around him tightly. "You know," he spoke with gentle purpose, "you're going to have to tell me some time."

Ben's breath caught in his throat. His tongue was glued to the roof of his silent dry mouth as Vic's words hit home. He was frozen, trapped like a deer in headlights.

"All right," Vic finally broke the chilled silence. "Just remember, the longer you put it off, the harder it's going to be. Try to get some sleep if you don't have something to tell me."

"I don't."

"Go to sleep then."

Ben closed his eyes and tried to find sleep. It was as elusive as the answer to the million dollar question. The question still eating at him.

"Benjamin Monroe, you have a chance to win one… million… dollars," Regis Philbin said. "Are you ready?"

Ben fidgeted in the hard plastic seat then leaned forward toward the mike. "I'm ready."

"For one million dollars, here is your question. Should you tell Vic about the credit card?" Regis read from the card in his hand. "A – Definitely, first thing in the morning, B – Hell no, I'll take it to my grave, C – Maybe, it depends on his mood, or D – Is there another option other than yes, no, or maybe."

Ben chewed his fingernails in consternation. It was a tough question. "I'd like to use a lifeline, Regis."

"Your last lifeline is Phone a Friend."

"That's all I have left?" Ben asked in surprise.

"That's all."

He needed a lifeline, but he sure as hell didn't want to Phone a Friend. Talking to Zach was the reason he needed a lifeline in the first place.

"Never mind, Regis, I'll handle this on my own. B. No, A. Wait, C."

"I need an answer."

The time ticked away the seconds. "D."

"Is that your final answer?"

Oh, yeah. That was his final answer, but it still was not *the* answer. Ben opened his eyes erasing the silly mental images of a sleepless fantasy. He glanced up at Vic's peaceful features, his mouth slack as he slept deeply. Ben eased himself out of Vic's grasp, inching his way toward the edge of the bed all the while keeping an eye on Vic to be sure he kept sleeping. He froze with one foot on the floor as Vic rolled over, and he didn't dare to move again until he heard the sounds of deep breathing coming from the opposite side of the bed.

He tiptoed through the bedroom and downstairs, avoiding the creaky third riser. He made it to the living room without needing the lights, knowing the trail like the back of his hand. He needed a distraction. Something that would take his mind off things. He stopped at the front window and held the curtain back. It was really coming down. They already had a good four inches of snow and it didn't look like it was slowing down at all.

He sighed and took a seat on the sofa, switching on the television, careful to hit the volume button immediately to drop the sound. He cast a wary glance toward the stairs and held his breath, waiting to hear footsteps or see a light come on. When neither happened, he relaxed and turned his attention to the guide on the TV, mindlessly paging through the channels.

Late night TV would do. He decided on Conan and hit the select button on his remote, which took him straight into a commercial break. He gave a half-hearted smile at the indignant caveman heatedly debating Geico's misrepresentation of the intelligence of his kind.

The next commercial rolled, and a man in a suit looked seriously into the camera as he asked the question, "Are you in debt? Are you tired of phone calls from collectors? We can help."

Ben grabbed the remote and switched the channel; he certainly didn't need any reminders about being in debt. He stopped on a rerun of Simon and Simon on Sleuth and he pulled the afghan over his legs to settle in and watch. It might have been an old show, but it was still entertaining and best of all, it wasn't having a commercial break.

Cecilia was pleading with her sons for help. "She's such a nice woman and I hate to see her lose her cat as well as her home."

"Well, Mom, you know, I live on the boat and Marlow takes up most of my time," Rick responded quickly, excusing himself from the situation. "But AJ could take the cat."

"Oh, no," AJ protested with both hands in the air. "Absolutely not. I cannot take a cat, Mom. I'm not home, I have to be able to leave at the drop of a hat…"

"But AJ, Marie has come into some money problems and she's being evicted. Her new place won't allow cats…"

Ben's jaw dropped as he hit the channel selector again. He couldn't get away from the reminders no matter what he did! He went to Encore Western and found a re-run of Bonanza. According to the description summary on the online TV guide, this episode was safe. Fifteen minutes into the show, the light in the stairwell illuminated the hallway.

Vic.

Ben rolled his eyes and stared at the television, pretending not to notice Vic until he stood directly in front of the sofa.

"I couldn't sleep," he announced before being asked.

"I know."

Vic sat down beside Ben and tucked the afghan around him tighter. "What's keeping you awake?"

Damn it! This was all Zach's fault! He was *not* going to be pressured into confession in the middle of the night. No way in hell.

"I don't know."

"You said you were tired at dinner. Now, you can't sleep? What's on your mind?"

He thought frantically and quickly for a response that Vic could live with that wouldn't get him killed in the middle of the night. He wasn't ready to tell all, but he could tell part of it.

"Zach and I had a disagreement today."

"Oh," Vic replied with a relieved sigh. "What about?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, ok?"

Vic nodded and took Ben's hand. "Whatever it was about, you two have been friends long enough that I'm sure you can work it out. I doubt it's anything you should lose sleep over."

"I know. You're probably right."

"Can you call him tomorrow and work it out?"

"We're fine. It just left me in a mood and I guess it's keeping me awake, too."

"I guess so. You know you can talk to me if you change your mind."

"Thanks. I'm fine, though."

Vic smiled at him with compassion and patted Ben's thigh through the blanket. "Ok, if you say so."

"I am."

Vic got up and did his own check of the weather. "From the looks of it out there, it isn't going to matter if we're up late tonight. It's still pouring snow."

"College closes when we get two inches. We'll be closed for sure," Ben said.

"I'm not fighting that mess to go to the office," Vic decided. "I think I'll stay down here and keep you company for a little while. What are you watching?"

"Bonanza."

Vic settled back on the sofa beside Ben and reached for the afghan. "Let me steal some of that from you."

With the drone of the TV, the warmth of the blanket and Vic at his side, Ben's eyes finally slid closed.

*****************

"I'm going to change my clothes," Vic said when they walked in the door, stamping his boots to knock snow off. "I'm soaked."

Ben slid his dripping wet boots off and left them to dry on the entryway rug. "Me, too."

"I can't believe we ended up with eight inches."

"Me, neither," Ben answered. He was no closer to making a decision in the light of day than he was during the restless night. He wished he could enjoy the snow more, but for once, being out in it was unappealing and it had nothing to do with the fact they had been shoveling.

"My toes are frozen," Vic noticed. "I can't wait to get into some sweats and warm up."

"Me, too."

"I think I'll fix us some hot chocolate. That should help."

"Uh huh."

Ben felt Vic staring at him and found his senses were right when he looked directly into a visual assessment in progress, compliments of his partner. "What?"

"You haven't said two words all day. Before you say it, 'me, too', 'me, neither' and 'uh huh' don't count." Ben guiltily dropped his gaze. "Are you still stressing over your fight with Zach? You sounded fine with him on the phone this morning."

"We're fine. It wasn't that big of a deal."

"Then something else is bothering you," Vic observed.

"Vic, I'm fine. Let's just go change, ok?"

"What's the matter with you?" Vic demanded again. He grabbed Ben's arm as he passed by to escape up the stairs. "What is it?"

"Nothing."

Vic's icy glare penetrated Ben with shards colder than the snow outside and Ben looked away uncomfortably. Vic's hands rose to his hips and he straightened his spine. "Ok, that's it. New plan."

Ben brought his gaze back to his partner suspiciously to await the declaration and outline of Plan B. He liked Plan A's warm sweats and hot cocoa just fine. He was justifiably troubled by the prospect of what Plan B would entail.

"We're going to change out of these wet clothes but then we're coming back down to have a talk."

Ben studied the floor rather than meet Vic's long-lasting look.

"A *serious* talk," Vic added ominously with his head tilted Ben's way. "Whatever it is you've been hiding, it's gone on long enough. Let's go get dry and comfortable."

No need to get too comfortable, Ben worried dismally. He wasn't going to be comfortable for long. In fact, he felt distinctly uncomfortable already on the inside.

This was it. Vic was going to press him until he had an answer. Wasn't pressing some sort of medieval torture? Ben could relate. He was pressed by Zach, pressed by his conscience and now about to be pressed by the mighty Vic. He was either going to give it up or be pressed to death. Either way, the outcome was the same. A small part of him was relieved. A very small part, but there was relief in sight, one way or the other. It would be over before the day was through.

They changed quietly, Vic swapping out wet clothes for dry with determined purpose while Ben took his time. There was no need to rush into a discussion. He scoured the sock drawer for a pair of socks he liked, passing over many and scrutinizing those he did pick up. None of them were going to work. A low-throated growl got his attention, a growl that to anyone else's ears might have sounded like a simple, irritated sigh. He glanced into the mirror and saw Vic standing behind him, statue-still with his arms crossed impatiently. It was a growl, all right. Ben swallowed hard and selected the first pair of socks his hand fell upon.

Vic stepped aside to let Ben pass but continued to maintain his watch while Ben sat down to put on his socks. Ben focused intently as he unrolled his socks an inch at a time, then carefully stretched them over his toes, meticulously working each sock over his heels and up his calves.

He had no sooner finished when Vic took hold of his wrist to stand him on his socked and warming feet. Ben mutely allowed himself to be dragged along, knowing the charade was over. It was D-Day. The End. The Grand Finale.

Judgment Day.

But how do you tell your partner something that you *know* without a shadow of a doubt will end with him bursting a vessel? Wouldn't it be cruel to put him in such a treacherous physical condition? It was dangerous! How would he even start, anyway? More importantly, what was the punishment for concealing things, major things, anyway?

He'd be willing to bet he was about to find out. His insides churned with trepidation. Ben squirmed uncomfortably as he sat on the sofa, wiping the sheen layer of moisture from his palms onto his sweat pants.

Vic helped himself to a seat beside Ben and wasted no time in getting to the point. "Are you ready to tell me what's going on?"

Ben answered honestly, "No." There was no sense in pretending there wasn't something going on. Not anymore.

Ben could feel Vic's glare on him and he tried to keep still. Vic pushed ahead. "Is it something I need to know?"

Ben managed to meet his eye to answer that. "It depends."

"On what?" Vic asked curiously.

"Who you ask."

Vic gave a single nod of understanding. "Well, I'm asking you."

"In that case, I don't think so."

"You don't think so or you don't want to admit it?" Vic continued.

It was actually both, but Ben prudently kept that tidbit to himself. He shrugged, "I don't know."

"All right. Let me put it to you like this. If there's something you need to tell me, keeping it to yourself is not the thing to do. Whatever you've been worried about will only get worse by waiting."

That was true, Ben realized. He certainly felt worse the longer he kept the secret close to his chest. It was time to let it go. Ben opened his mouth courageously but nothing came out. Not a single word, not even a peep, not even a squawk. He couldn't find the words! He closed his mouth in frustration and looked away from Vic's inquiring eyes.

Vic sighed and used Ben's chin as a lever to turn his face to him. "Ben. Whatever it is, it's bothering you to the point that you're sullen, sulky and sleepless. That tells me you need to tell me."

Ben's imploring eyes met Vic's. "I can't."

"Yes, you can," Vic told him gently. "Just tell me."

Ben shook his head and studied his hands. "No, I don't want to."

"All right then," Vic declared in finality as he stood. He took Ben by the hand and led him to a corner in the office. "You stand here and rethink that answer while I check my email."

Ben crossed his arms angrily. "That's not fair," he pointed out.

"Were you under the impression that this relationship is about 'fair'?" Vic turned him by the elbow to face the corner.

"I never thought you'd take advantage," Ben snipped.

"I'm not taking advantage of you or being unfair, and you know it," Vic replied. "I've had enough of you being jumpy and tripping over your bottom lip. We aren't doing anything else until you've told me what's on your mind."

"Fine, I didn't want to do anything else, anyway," Ben replied with a lift to his chin.

Vic's hands rose to his hips as his eyes narrowed. "You clearly need some time to think about how you're going to handle this *appropriately*. I'm giving you time to do decide how to tell me what's wrong, which you can't do while you're arguing, so be quiet."

Vic turned Ben by the elbow to face the wall.

Ben was infuriated. The guilt he felt for the last two days was quickly replaced by unbridled ire. Not only was he being pushed to talk, now he was being punished for not telling, too! It most certainly wasn't fair! It was downright unfair, not to mention bossy! He didn't have to tell Vic anything, he vowed. Not a damn thing! He didn't give a rat's ass if they *didn't* do anything else all day!

"Fine, I won't argue. I won't say *anything* at all!" he threatened to the wall. He roughly crossed his arms over his chest again.

"Your choice," Vic replied calmly as he sat at the computer.

"Vic!"

Vic ignored the outburst and shook his head at the square set of Ben's shoulders, a true sign that he was flat pissed off.

All Ben could hear behind him was the click, click, click of the mouse as Vic paged through the internet to pass the time.

"I mean it, Vic. I'm not telling you anything." Vic said nothing, not even a reprimand. Ben snapped, "Well?!"

"Well, what?" Vic asked apathetically.

"I'm not going to tell you anything no matter how long you leave me in the corner."

Silence answered him.

"It's not going to work," Ben concluded confidently.

"You're doing an awful lot of talking for someone who isn't going to say anything. If you aren't going to tell me what's going on, keep quiet while you're over there."

"You're the one who wanted me to talk!"

"Quiet!" Vic barked.

Ben could practically feel the steam coming from his ears. There was no excuse for Vic pushing him this way! None! He shouldn't have to tell something he wanted to keep a secret and besides, his credit card was *his* business to do with as he pleased. He took a quick look over his shoulder, his annoyance building to massive proportions, as he saw Vic casually surfing the net. How dare Vic be so nonchalant after parking him in a corner! Ben fumed as he turned his attention back to the boring paint. He glanced down at the baseboard and contemplated giving it a swift kick. His right foot itched to comply. It would serve Vic right, he seethed.

He risked another look over his shoulder and was inhibited by a tightness in his neck that wasn't there two days ago. Stress knots, no doubt about it. They had been twisting and building since his little chat with Zach. His anger began to slip as he thought back over the misery he had been in since realizing that Vic needed to know about the credit card. A big thanks to Zach Bartholomew for that one. He shook his head sorrowfully and sighed. There was no point in being mad. Vic knew something was wrong and Ben had known he knew. Vic had just reached his limit; that was all.

Vic glanced over at his partner when he heard the heavy sigh and had to stifle a smile at his shifting. One foot held his weight for about five seconds before it was transitioned to the other foot. The once defiantly squared shoulders were now slumped in defeat.

"Are you ready to talk to me?" Vic asked intuitively.

Ben straightened up at the sound of Vic's voice. "I want to come out of the corner."

"That means you're ready to talk then."

Ben neither confirmed nor denied the assumption.

"Is that what you're telling me?" Vic looked from the computer toward the corner and awaited an answer.

"I don't see why I have to tell you anything until I'm ready."

"I agree. Stand there until you're ready."

Ben's mouth went slack and looked over his shoulder at Vic shutting the computer down. "You're going to make me stand here longer?" he demanded.

"No, I'm not making you stay there. You are."

Vic pushed the desk chair back in place and headed out the door without further comment.

"Vic! Vic!!" Ben called after him.

Vic poked his head back around the doorframe and said, "You know where to find me when you're ready."

"I'm ready now!"

"To tell me what's going on?"

"To come out of the corner."

"No," Vic said firmly. "Turn around."

With that, he left Ben to his thoughts. It felt like he had been there for days already! He wasn't standing there all day, that was for sure. The only way out was to bury himself and tell Vic the big, fat, hairy, ugly truth. His butt clenched in misery, knowing it was about to meet the wrath of Vic. There was no way around it, just like there was no getting out of telling Vic everything. As much as Ben wanted to keep it to himself, he was going to have to spill it.

His insides threatened to liquefy as he took a step out of the corner. He stopped at the office door looming in front of him, unable to take a step over the threshold. Sounds from the living room drifted down the hallway and through the open door; everyday sounds of normalcy that belied the desperate situation Ben was in. Ben swallowed thickly on a dry throat, apprehension flooding him as he faced the inevitable.

He coached his feet to move, promised himself that he could handle it. Yes, he had been through this before and he survived every time. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, he told himself. Vic was no monster and like Zach said, he loved Ben no matter what. He never asked for perfection, and Ben never expected it from him, either. That's what love was about: loving your partner despite his short-comings. Vic would understand.

Ben lifted his chin in a wash of unexpected bravery. He had to face this head-on. Get it over with. Tomorrow would be another day and whatever happened, it would be a memory by morning. He dug down deep and mustered the strength he needed to leave the solitude and protection of the office, taking slow purposeful steps toward his waiting lover.

Vic glanced up when he saw the shadowed outline in the form of his partner, hovering uncertainly in the doorway of the living room. Vic switched off the TV and patted the cushion beside him.

"Come here."

Ben swallowed again and kept his eyes trained on the floor as he went to the sofa.

"Go ahead," Vic prompted expectantly.

Ben opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again, no sound coming out since there were no words there to form.

Vic took his hand and held it gently in his own, giving it a squeeze. "Benjamin, it can't be that bad."

Ben glanced up at him skeptically. "I don't know about that."

"Ok, let's see. Have you killed someone?"

Ben's eyes widened in horror. "No!"

"Maimed them, then."

"No!"

"That's good. No cops or prison involved. How about school? Did you get kicked out?"

"No, it isn't school." Ben shook his head dismally.

"A bank. You robbed a bank?"

A bank! Why hadn't he thought of that?

"No," Ben sighed, wishing bank robbery was a viable solution. It seemed that's what it might take.

"Benjamin, there's nothing you can tell me that we can't work out," he offered sincerely. "What is it?"

Ben took a deep breath before diving headfirst into the dark, shark-filled waters. He watched as the jaws of the great white spread open hungrily and awaited its lunch to plunge in.

Ben stammered, "I – I hid something from you."

Vic's gaze became more serious, not quite grave, but with a darkened note of interest. "No kidding. You're still hiding something from me. So, get it out and tell me."

Ben slouched and he stared at his lap. "It's about money."

"What about money? What's the problem?"

"I had a credit card before we got together."

"You had a couple of them. We paid them off," Vic remembered.

Ben mumbled practically inaudibly, "Not all of them."

"What did you say?" Vic asked.

"There was – there was another one," Ben confessed.

"You told me what we paid off was it."

"I know. I – I couldn't tell you about this one."

"How much?" Vic asked sternly.

Ben shook his head. "I don't want to say."

"You're going to say, Benjamin. How much?"

Ben was momentarily grateful that Vic was sitting down. The revelation had the potential of bringing the strong man to his knees.

Ben dropped his head and uttered quietly, "Twelve thousand dollars."

It was Vic's turn to stutter. "Twel—twelve *thousand* dollars? What the hell did you buy?" he demanded.

"Nothing! I've barely used it for a year! I thought I could handle it myself but it's just growing!"

"How can it be growing if you aren't using it?"

"It's the interest. They're charging me $400 a month in interest."

"Four—four *hundred* dollars a month?!" he stammered again and Ben melted into the sofa.

Vic shot to his feet and began to pace. "I cannot believe you hid that kind of debt from me for a year. A year! What were you thinking, Benjamin? Did you think it would just go away?"

"How could I tell you?" he shot back. "It isn't like I didn't know how you'd react! Plus it was *my* debt. I planned to pay it off myself!"

Vic stopped and turned to Ben. "With what? Your mother sends you $500 a month. *If* you spent absolutely nothing more than you normally do, you would have a maximum of $100 to throw into that balance."

"I know that," Ben agreed, "but my mom was paying me $1000 a month until we moved in together! I didn't know she was going to cut my money back."

Vic began to wear a path in the carpet again as he ran a hand through his thick dark hair. "Whether she cut it back or not is immaterial. How did you think you'd be able to handle a $12,000 bill? And what made you think it was ok to hide it from me?"

"It wasn't $12,000 then. My mom had paid $4000 on it so it was only another $8000 to pay back at the time."

Vic stopped pacing, his eyes boring holes in Ben. "Your mother had just paid $4000 on it a year ago?"

Ben gulped. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned that little tidbit. He looked around for the bravado that dragged him into the living room. It had gone running with its tail between its legs. Coward.

"Yes, so I couldn't tell her or get more money from her."

"A year ago, *I* could have written a check for that amount from savings!" Vic stated in exasperation.

"I didn't want you to write a check for it!" Ben countered. "You were already helping with all the other stuff."

"So you let them take $400 a month instead of trusting me to help you?" Vic demanded.

"It wasn't $400 a month in interest until right after we paid the other stuff off. It jacked up right after."

"You missed a payment then."

"Only once! And I didn't actually miss it; I was just a few days late."

"Benjamin, those companies make their living off people just like you. You miss one payment and they crank up the interest."

"I don't think that's why," Ben disagreed.

Vic started walking again as his brain churned. The amount was baffling.

"It doesn't matter, anyway. There's still $12,000 that needs to be paid. They have to be collecting twenty-something percent," Vic almost said to himself.

"Thirty-one," Ben corrected, and the pacing stopped again.

"Thir— *thirty*-one percent?!" he uttered, flabbergasted.

Ben shriveled at the volume and the tone. Vic's face was almost blood red; the vessel on Vic's neck was standing out prominently, threateningly close to bursting. Ben had never seen him so close to stroke-like conditions. Ben couldn't believe he wasn't paralyzed on one side already.

"I cannot believe you'd let them rape you of $5000 or more a year just for the *right* to carry a balance of that magnitude! Have you stopped to consider the value of $5000, young man?"

"Yes! It's a lot. I know."

"It's quite a lot," Vic replied gravely. "Charges we wouldn't owe if you had told me this a year ago."

"I didn't know how to tell you then! I didn't know how to tell you five minutes ago!"

Vic's hands went to his hips and he leaned forward bringing his face inches from Ben's. "You open your mouth and tell me."

Ben tried to slink backward to regain the personal space that Vic had helped himself to. "I couldn't."

"Couldn't?" Vic countered. "Hardly. You chose not to and that is nowhere near the same thing. We don't hide things from each other. We just don't."

"It wasn't that simple!" Ben shouted. "I didn't hide it just because I knew I'd be in trouble, either. I didn't want you thinking I was some helpless screw-up that you had clean up after! This was another stupid thing for you to deal with and I wanted to handle it myself!"

The heartfelt revelation struck him and Vic stopped short. He took a deep breath and slowly released it as he took a seat beside Ben again. "Listen to me and listen closely. You are far from a screw-up and nothing about you is stupid. You might do things without thinking them through sometimes, but that doesn't mean what you do is stupid or that you are a screw-up. Clear?"

A twelve thousand dollar credit card bill and Vic was worried about what he thought of himself? Ben's brow creased in confusion but he nodded and answered appropriately, "Yes, sir."

"I have never looked at you as stupid or a screw-up, never mind helpless. With that temper and stubborn streak of yours, you're anything but helpless." Vic took Ben's chin and turned it to him. "Understand?"

Ben's throat constricted in a knot of tears. "You really don't see me that way? Even after this?"

"Never have and never will," Vic vowed sincerely.

Ben felt his chin threatening to quiver and he buried his face in Vic's shoulder. He was overcome with relief that Vic finally knew and that Vic didn't see him as some dumb fuck-up. He still felt like shit but at least it was out in the open.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Vic. I really thought I could handle it and I didn't want you paying my debt. It just… snowballed. It was enough that you helped me out before."

"And did I pay your debt before?"

Ben shook his head against the soft knit of Vic's sweatshirt. "No. You let me pay you back interest-free. And in the meantime, this one got out of control."

"Another reason you should have told me."

"I was too embarrassed to tell you how bad that one bill was," Ben acknowledged.

"I understand that. But there comes a time when you have to set your pride aside and ask for help when you need it."

"I didn't think I needed it."

"Was the balance going the right way?" Vic pointed out.

"No."

"That's why you were worried about it all week," Vic surmised.

"No, it wasn't. Zach found out I had a credit card bill you didn't know about and told me I should tell you."

"He was right. That's a switch. That's what you fought about, I guess."

"Yeah," Ben acknowledged. "Not really fought, just passionately discussed and disagreed. I was perfectly fine about the credit card until he nagged me about it."

Vic peeled Ben away from him so he could make eye contact. "And *that*," Vic punctuated his sentence with a finger jabbed in Ben's direction, "is what I have a serious problem with. This relationship is built on trust, and you damaged that trust by hiding this from me. Worse, you thought it was perfectly ok to do it."

Ben was crushed. "That's what Zach said, but I didn't think of it that way, though!"

"Whether you thought of it that way or not is immaterial. You didn't trust me enough to tell me and now you've broken my trust in you because I know it doesn't bother you to hide things from me. For a year, apparently."

Vic's unexpected response was far worse than the credit card bill. It was worse than getting spanked. A credit card bill could be paid somehow, but what could be done about damaged trust?

Ben's face pinched with hurt and his voice cracked as he spoke. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

"There's nothing else you can say right now."

"Vic," Ben's eyes glistened. "I don't want you not to trust me."

"It's a by-product of dishonesty. You're going to need to earn that trust back," Vic told him sternly. "Since you've shown me I can't trust you with how you spend your money, I'll be managing that for you until I know I won't have to worry about it anymore."

"But I didn't charge all that while we were together. I don't sneak and spend money, you know that."

Vic's eyebrows went up. "No? You weren't trying to pay off a $12,000 credit card bill behind my back? That's spending money."

"It was my problem, not yours," Ben stated resolutely. "I wasn't doing it to be sneaky. I was taking care of my own business."

"Your problems are my problems and vice versa. We're partners; it goes with the territory. You were paying it behind my back to protect yourself, not me."

Ben grimaced at the tone and grim expression facing him. "I didn't mean to keep it from you. I thought I'd pay it off and you wouldn't need to know."

"Which didn't happen, did it? Every day you hid it from me was lying to me."

Ben said in alarm, "I wasn't lying to you!"

"You've heard of lying by omission?" Ben dropped his head and nodded shortly. "That's what you did to me. Not only did you lie to me, you lied to yourself."

"I don't mind about lying to myself," Ben muttered.

"Well, I mind," Vic pronounced. "You convinced yourself that you didn't need help when you clearly did. That actually led you to keep lying to me and turned an $8000 bill into $12,000."

"I wasn't consciously lying though, Vic!" Ben argued. Things were getting worse and worse. He glanced around for a large rock to hide under but saw only furniture.

"Yes, you were," Vic disagreed. "Every time you got a bill and chose not to tell me, it required a conscious decision. Every time you dropped a check in the mail to keep that bill from me you made a decision. When you told me we had taken care of all your credit cards, you made a decision."

Ben turned his attention to his hands as his brain registered the meaning behind what Vic was saying. It was true. He had decided not to tell Vic and not for one reason but many. Once that decision was made, he couldn't turn back. All the reasons not to tell Vic initially were magnified by about a hundred as time went on.

"It snowballed," Ben confided desperately. "I couldn't get control of it."

"That part is clear but I'm telling you one thing," Vic firmly replied, his eyes fixed on Ben, "I'm going to get control of it."

Ben grimaced with the declaration. "Yes, sir."

"I'm going to start by finding out how you managed to keep this from me for a year," Vic pressed, his tone demanding an explanation.

Ben cleared his dry throat. "I kept my post office box from when I had the apartment."

Vic realized, "So you hid that from me, too."

"I only kept it for that bill."

"Yet you want me to believe that you didn't lie consciously? You designed it so I wouldn't find out."

Ben flushed with Vic's words but he nodded, unable to deny the obvious. Dishonesty had gotten him into enough trouble; there was no reason to add to it by trying to hide anything else. "I had to keep the box so you wouldn't see the bill."

"I think that's obvious."

"I'm really sorry," Ben said quietly.

"Is there anything else I need to know?" Ben stared at his lap trying to hold back hot tears of shame as he shook his head. "All right. I want you to go get the paddle and take it upstairs. I'll be up in a minute."

Ben's stomach plummeted toward the floor when the inevitable smacked him right between the eyes. A part of him was glad to be getting it over with, but just a small part. Knowing he deserved it didn't make it any easier to handle.

Vic ignored the flat out appeal in Ben's eyes and ordered, "Go on. Right now."

Ben trudged into the kitchen on heavy-laden feet, pulled the towel drawer open and glared at the paddle with disdain. Telling Vic his dirty little secret had been hard enough; now, he faced the second hardest thing he had to do and that was to willingly hand over the instrument and letting Vic use it. He picked it up and tried not to think about what was coming as he left the kitchen. Avoiding Vic's disapproving gaze, he lumbered guiltily through the living room en route to their bedroom.

Vic watched Ben climb the stairs one slow step at a time and part of his heart went out to his disconsolate partner. Another part of him wanted to strangle Ben for letting the bill get so out of hand and for keeping it to himself for so long. He shook his head and rubbed his fingers over his forehead. At least he had finally come clean before it got any worse, as though it wasn't bad enough already. Vic got up from the sofa and paced again, thinking. He had paid off the SUV six months ago and cashed in a couple of CDs to do it. He didn't have that money squirreled away anymore.

Damn it! His temper threatened to pull a Vesuvius if he didn't get control of it. The debt was damn near the cost of a new car and a third of it was nothing but interest. He felt sick to his stomach. He would much rather have continued to give the bank 6% interest in a car payment rather than the give the credit card company 31%. It was highway robbery!

He had several pockets of cash between stocks and savings accounts, but not $12,000 that was very liquid. He didn't want to cash in the stock money and that's where the bulk of it was. His pacing stopped with an idea that just might work without having to take out a loan. Vic went into the office, mindful of the time he left Ben waiting, and quickly dug through the trash. He was constantly throwing out zero interest credit card offers and was sure there had to be some in the mail he just pitched. He let out a sigh of relief when he pulled one from the trash. It was only for six months but they could make quite a dent in it in six months then open another zero interest card and transfer the balance to start over again.

That was the answer or at least an option. Vic laid the application on the desk so he could sign up online later if that was the route they took. If that didn't work, they could always take out a personal loan that would have a fraction of the interest currently piling up on the credit card. He felt better knowing there were some suitable options to wipe out the balance. He was still ill knowing how much of the bill was interest. He'd almost rather flush the money than pay for nothing. Same difference.

Vic checked his temper, measuring it at merely a slow simmer after coming up with a couple of possible solutions. He had a partner who was probably anxious to get this whole ugly thing behind him waiting upstairs, but Vic needed to be sure he was in the right state of mind to deal with it. He was far from happy with Ben's decision to hide such a mess from him.

He knew better! Worse, Vic wondered how much longer he would have allowed it to go on had Zach not stumbled onto it. Almost as surprising as Ben's revelation was the fact that Zach had been the voice of reason. That rarely happened. If he hadn't talked sense into Ben, they could easily be looking at thousands more. He pushed that line of thinking aside when he felt the warm burning of his anger on the rise again.

After a deep, cleansing breath, Vic climbed the stairs and pushed the partially closed door open to find Ben sitting on the bed, looking lost and forlorn. Anxious eyes pled with him as Vic closed the door after entering the room.

He hitched his sweats then sat beside Ben. "Get up and pull your pants down" he ordered.

"Vic…"

He urged Ben off the bed with a hand to the small of his back when he didn't move immediately. Ben shifted nervously, his hands working nervously at each other rather than go near the band of his pants. "I'm sorry."

"Hurry up," Vic stated firmly with a short nod toward Ben's waistline.

Ben's fingers fumbled finding his waistband. They froze, hooked in the edge of his pants, while hopeful eyes sought some measure of leniency. "Please, Vic. I won't do it again. I won't hide anything from you."

Vic hardened his heart and shook his head. "I'm glad to hear it. Now, hurry up. Stalling isn't helping anything."

Vic ignored his heart's suggestion to go easy when Ben's face contorted in an effort to keep tears at bay. Ben's conscience had been punishing him for two days and it was obvious; this was just the tangible punishment. Vic knew he needed to clear Ben's conscience quickly and effectively so they could put this behind them. He hurried Ben across his knees as soon as his pants were out of the way and pushed him far enough over that his feet barely brushed the floor.

Ben's butt clenched when Vic slid the tail of his sweatshirt out of the way, holding it aside with a hand settled at the small of Ben's back. Ben dropped his head then squeezed his eyes closed against the unflattering view of his legs hanging over the other side of Vic's lap, his sweats bunched around his knees. God, he hated this position. By this point, there was nothing to do but bite the bullet and wait for it to be over. His body stiffened in anticipation of what was coming.

"I'm going to make sure you think twice," Vic declared as he reached for the paddle, "before ever hiding anything else from me again. We don't do that in this relationship, do you understand?"

Ben uttered a heartfelt, "Yes, sir. I won't do it again."

Vic took up the paddle, resting the small rounded business end against Ben's backside, and Ben flinched away from the touch. Ben closed his eyes tighter, doing his best to prepare himself both mentally and physically. He could do this. He could take it. It would be over soon.

"You'd better not," Vic warned. "If I *ever* find out you're hiding something like this from me again, I'll make sure this paddling seems like a fond memory in comparison."

"I won't, Vic, I swear," he promised. "I really am sorry I didn't tell you before."

Vic could hear the tears in his voice and knew the stress that had been bubbling just beneath the surface since the day before was threatening to overflow. "I know you are," Vic said with understanding. He added firmly, "But there will never come a day where I'll overlook you keeping secrets from me, young man. Especially something this big."

He felt Ben's tense back under his touch but he snapped the paddle down despite Ben's apprehension. Vic knew that Ben needed what he was about to get and turning a blind eye would mean more sleepless nights on top of God knew what else. Ben needed to know he had been sufficiently punished, that he wasn't a screw-up and that Vic considered him absolved.

Ben stoically held still until his butt began to burn. As Vic continued to slap down the thin paddle, Ben couldn't keep from moving any longer. Vic tightened his hold, slipping his hand from Ben's back to the side of his hip, anchoring him against his lap and stomach. Ben's hand flew back to ward off the paddle and Vic stopped short, almost too late to keep from striking Ben's fingers.

"Move your hand out of the way," he demanded with a pause.

Ben moved it, but merely inches, unable to find the will to remove it completely from the zone of danger. Vic grabbed Ben's wrist and held it to his side, pulling him in close to block the way of his other hand slipping back.

"Please, Vic!" he sobbed, the words pitched an octave too high from his tightened vocal chords. "Don't."

Ben's chest burned until his cries to stop gave way to ragged tears of relief and acceptance. Vic kept the paddle trained on Ben's behind until his rigid body went slack across his lap and then he brought the paddle down a couple more times on each reddened cheek to end it.

"It's ok," he said gently, tossing the paddle aside. "Shhh."

He ran his hand under Ben's shirt and felt a thin layer of perspiration dampening his back. He stroked Ben's torso tenderly, until the sobs began to transform into hitching breaths.

Wordlessly, Vic helped Ben to stand, then pulled him into his lap, careful of what must have been an extremely sore backside. Ben tucked his sweaty head under Vic's chin and sniffled quietly against Vic's chest with his arms loosely wrapped around him. Vic held him and silently waited for Ben to pull himself together.

"I'm sorry," he sincerely stated with a shuddering breath. "I want you to trust me again."

"We'll take it a day at a time. I'm going to be keeping a close eye on your spending for a little while."

"I don't blame you," he answered sincerely, his voice rough with tears. "I wouldn't trust me either."

"We'll work it out together," Vic promised.

"I was so stupid—"

"No," Vic interrupted. "What did I tell you earlier?"

"I'm not stupid," he parroted, sniffling. He fought the urge to rub behind him, knowing that to do so would royally piss off his already irritated skin. "But I should have thought it through."

"I agree, but at least you finally told me…That is it, right? There's nothing more you need to tell me?"

Ben shook his head vigorously. "No. Nothing. No other secrets."

"A relationship is no place for secrets, Ben. Not in ours. Do you understand?"

He did. He understood very well. "Yes, sir."

"Now, about the money," Vic started and Ben squirmed on his knee, shifting his weight uncomfortably, "you'll give me your mom's check every month and I'll give you an allowance out of it. You will report every dime you spend to me daily until I can trust that you're managing what I give you appropriately."

Ben cringed at the verdict. It hurt almost as much as the paddling. "Yes, sir. But what about the bill?"

"I might open a zero percent interest credit card account but I need to check the rates on personal loans first. You're going to pay it off. Every dime of it."

Vic knew it seemed harsh, but he also knew his partner and Ben needed to know he hadn't been bailed out. He needed to take care of the debt himself.

"I'll be paying it off for the rest of my life," Ben commented forlornly.

"It's going to take some time, but hardly the rest of your life," Vic corrected. "You'll be on a tight leash financially until you get it taken care of."

"I'm really sorry, Vic," Ben apologized, his voice breaking on new tears.

"Stop apologizing," Vic said compassionately. "We'll be fine."

Ben unsuccessfully tried to hold back renewed tears. Knowing he had damaged Vic's trust hurt worse than his butt, which was hurting plenty as it throbbed painfully.

Vic tightened his arms around Ben. "We'll be ok," Vic assured him gently. "I won't have to worry about you hiding how you're handling your money because you're going to show me every day what you spend. Every time you do that, it will rebuild the trust. We'll get past this."

Ben wiped his tearstained face, wishing he could believe it.

~~~~~~

Ben lay perfectly still when he heard another exasperated exhalation from Vic's side of the bed.

"What is wrong with you now?" Vic demanded to know.

"I can't get comfortable," Ben replied apologetically.

"Come here." Vic took Ben's arm and pulled him across the bed to hold him tight.

"It still hurts," Ben complained as the movement to the other side of the bed awoke the pain in his backside.

"I’m sure it does."

There wasn't a single note of remorse in the comment, Ben noted. Not one. Ben tried to shift again but Vic's arms tightened around him. "Lay still and try to go to sleep."

"I'm trying!"

"Close your eyes and think about something pleasant."

"I can't," Ben replied truthfully.

"Try."

It had been an eventful afternoon, Vic thought with a sigh. He had expected Ben would sleep soundly from the emotional release coupled with the lack of sleep the night before. He was sure Ben's backside was tender, but he should have been able to get some sleep.

Vic looked at the clock and groaned at the early morning hour. It was barely the next day, but Ben's tossing and turning had carried them just past midnight. Two sleepless nights in a row was going to leave both Ben and him nearly useless tomorrow. College was closed again as the town had been unable to deal with the deluge of snow that the skies dumped on them. His mind scanned his schedule for the next day and he decided he could afford another day off, too. There wasn't anything pressing enough that it couldn't wait another day.

Ben wiggled again. "Shhh," Vic tried to settle him.

"I'm trying," Ben apologized. "I really am."

"I know. Lay still and think happy thoughts."

Easier said than done, Ben thought regretfully. He took a deep breath and tried to clear his head.

Vic kissed the head under his chin and said, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Seconds later, Ben inhaled deeply then released a long despairing breath.

"All right, that's it," Vic blurted in frustration as he switched on the lamp.

"What?" Ben chagrinned. "I said I was sorry, I can't help it."

"I know. I'm not mad," Vic explained. "Sit up so we can talk."

Ben sheepishly averted his gaze as he complied, tenderly sitting upright in the bed against his pillow.

"What's on your mind?" Vic pressed and Ben replied with a half-hearted shrug. "No, sir, that's not going to work. What's got you so restless now?"

"I'm not sure."

Vic studied Ben's disconsolate form, trying to read the body language to piece the puzzle together. He was going to have to drag this out of him, too.

"Ok, let's start with this. Are you mad at me?"

Ben's hung head remained low but he shook it. "No."

"So no divorce on the horizon?"

Another shake of the head. "No."

"Are you worried about having to pay that bill?"

"Not really," Ben said with a shrug of his shoulder. "It's overwhelming but it feels better that we at least have a plan."

"Ok, so you're not lying awake planning to turn over a store or rob a bank."

"Vic," Ben reprimanded, disheartened. "It's not funny."

Vic cupped Ben's lowered chin in his hand and raised his face. "Benjamin, what's wrong?"

Ben's eyes immediately began to glisten and his face crumpled with the effort of holding back tears. "It didn't work," he almost whispered.

Vic's brow creased as he tried to understand. "What didn't work?"

"I still feel like crap," he confided as a tear over spilled his lower lid and trailed down his cheek. "I disappointed you. You can't trust me anymore. I'll be broke for five years. I got paddled, and I still feel like shit."

Vic wordlessly pulled Ben to him and hugged him tightly. "Benji, I forgive you. You know that."

"It's not enough."

Vic sighed. "I wish I could tell you that being punished fixes everything every time, but I'd be lying if I did that."

"It was bad enough. It should have fixed it," Ben grimaced with the memory as he tenderly tried to console his rear with a brush of his hand.

Vic felt for his partner and wished he could make the bad feelings go away. There was nothing that would do that besides time. He searched for words that might help.

"Benji, things will get better, they really will. Tomorrow will be better than today, and the day after that will be better still."

Ben wasn't inclined to agree. "I really did it this time, didn't I?" Ben asked dismally.

"It was big, but we've dealt with that," Vic agreed. "It's nothing that we can't work out."

Ben sniffed. "How long before you can trust me again, do you think?"

Vic caressed Ben's hair and said softly, "It's not that I can't trust you at all. I trust that you won't go out and shack up with someone behind my back. I also trust you wouldn't have done what you did if you had realized how it could turn out. You just weren't thinking."

"But you don't trust me with money."

That wasn't even it, Vic recognized. "No, it's not that entirely, not the money. I don't trust that you'll be honest with me if you're worried about my reaction, I guess. Given the kind of relationship we have, my reaction isn't always going to be one you like. I need to know that you aren't going to keep things from me no matter what the consequences might be."

"That's a tall order sometimes, Vic."

"You went to great lengths to hide this from me. I don't think you did it because you were afraid of being punished, though."

"No, I said that wasn't it. I didn't want you to know what a screw-up I was."

"I've never thought of you as a screw-up," Vic replied sincerely. "I told you that and I meant it."

"But you barely knew me then. You were already shocked at the amount of the other charges you knew about. I couldn't tell you about the big one."

"You need to understand that I love you no matter what you do. That doesn't mean I won't be shocked or disappointed on occasion just like I might shock or disappoint you."

"You? What would you do?"

"I don't know, but I'm human, so it can happen," Vic laughed. "If you think I won't, you're going to be in for a big surprise one day."

Ben cuddled closer. "You don't think badly of me? Even if you don't trust me?"

"I think you should have told me and I think you weren't looking at the big picture. That's what I think and that's all that I think."

"Do you believe me when I say I won't hide anything like this again?"

Vic kissed the top of Ben's head. "Yes. I believe you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I never did, either," Ben reflected over the last five years. "I never hid anything like that from you again."

"And I appreciate that. I thought we would never get to sleep that night," Vic chuckled.

"It helped after we talked some more," Ben thought back. "All I could think of was how disappointed you were and that you must have thought less of me."

Vic clutched Ben's hand and brought it up to his lips, placing a kiss on the back. "Never."

"I'm glad we had the next day together, too. You made snow cream."

"How could I not with eight inches of snow on the ground?"

Ben's mouth watered remembering the sweet homemade ice cream. "You were good to me that day, unlike the day before."

Vic laughed, "I was good to you both days."

"You were not. That paddling was why I couldn't sleep."

"I doubt that seriously," Vic grinned.

"It's not funny. It hurt," Ben pouted. "You weren't sorry then either, I seem to remember."

Vic looked at Ben with a twinkle in his eye. "What do you want me to say?" he replied unapologetically.

"How it pained you to do it. How you wish now that you found another way. How you might have over-reacted at least a teensy bit."

"How you deserved every swat you got that afternoon?"

Ben cut his eyes at Vic. "No."

"You know you did. *That's* why you couldn't sleep that night."

"My butt hurt. That's why I couldn't sleep that night."

"Uh huh."

"Anyway," Ben ignored the comment, "it was nice of you to take the day off afterward and make snow cream."

"It was a nice day, wasn't it?" Vic smiled remembering Ben that day: his partner, his lover, his shadow. Ben hardly left his side the next day, seeming to find comfort in Vic's very presence, as though to lose sight of him would mean to lose him entirely. Vic had spent the time reminding Ben in every way he could that he still loved him and all was not lost.

"It was a nice day."

"And things got better," Vic reminded him.

"Yeah, they did."

"You know," Vic said, stretching his arm around Ben's shoulders, "I don't mean to say I told you so –"

Ben laughed, interrupting. "Since when?"

Vic smiled. "Like I was saying, I don't mean to say I told you so but I told you everything would work out."

"You told me many times that day. And now you trust me with money again, right?"

"You haven't given me a reason not to since that incident. Do you trust me enough to tell me if you have a $12,000 debt now?"

"You haven't given me a reason not to." Ben tilted his head offering himself for a kiss, parting his lips tantalizingly as Vic's mouth covered his.

"We've come a long way, baby," Vic said.

"A looooong way," Ben agreed with a smile.

End